Broken Dolls
Broken Dolls
Broken dolls are meant to be along
A walk over the loveless moon
The loveless moon shines to bright
Broken dolls blinded by the light
Desperately alone wondering the night
Broken dolls from broken homes
Build broken homes of their own
Cracked walls bring rays of loveless light
Broken dolls carry broken hearts
Through the graveyard on those loveless nights
Broken toys for broken boys
Brings broken dreams and empty joy
Broken dolls with a broken face
Within his eyes he sees the place
Where loveless moons light voided space
Broken dolls belong in the trash
Finally freed from the loveless grasp
The loveless moon shows brand new cracks
Loveless moons illuminate pain filled lakes
Broken dolls leaving tear stained paths, to ashamed to look back
We are meant to walk alone
No more broken children left at home
The loveless nights, the loveless moon
Guaranteeing to break real soon
Within the mist; broken dolls will not be missed
Poem taking from “Yin”
By: Tim Lundmark
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what?
Tim, my idea for your poem is to organize it a bit better and tweak the syllabication. For example, I was thinking line 3, 4, 18, and 19 might fit well together. You could group the ideas in groups of 4 phrases. It seems like you have 3 or 4 main ideas. 1. broken dolls/moon 2. broken dolls for broken or alone child 3. no hope/pain. After you pour out a poem, look back for the main ideas that you are trying to focus on and organize the thoughts and tweak the wording or grouping of words. You could even draw sort of a picture map to get your thoughts organized. Just a thought.
The only spelling errors would be in line 3-too
Line5-wandering
Thank you. I will need to go back and read the poem and see about grouping differently. The ortiginal poem is broken up into I think six parts, but when I try to double space it actually skips four lines and ends up looking bad.
Tim, this is very nicely written! Just wanted to let you know I put you on my The Versatile Blogger Award list. If you wish to accept it, just see the related blog post and follow the same steps that I did. Blessings, Terri