In five days from now the four founding members of “The Bucket List Foundation” will be holding our inaugural meeting. I am very excited about this for many reasons, but today I would like to focus on one aspect of my excitement. Those of you who either know me personally, or have become regular readers, are aware what my poetry book is all about, and how I suffer from a mental illness. I am battling this illness with the healing power of doing for others. I have found when I am able to live by the motto “how may I serve” I feel much better inside. This is not an easy motto to follow especially considering the “me first” society we have been raised in. The days I can follow this are the days where I have the least amount of stress; which in turn keeps my MI in check. 

I am basking in the idea of getting this thing going, and just thinking about how many lives will be improved if we were able to get this foundation off the ground. The thought of doing for others, assists in elevating my moods. I would imagine if the concept of doing the idea is uplifting; logic would conclude if it came to fruition then my moods should consistently level out.

I look at this foundation, as not only the ability to enrich people’s lives, but also to put past demons to rest. I have made more mistakes in my life than I care to count, perhaps dedicating my life to serving others I can begin to forgive myself. The major fuel for my depression is self loathing; perhaps this can mend the emptiness inside of me. I am naturally a selfish person. It is difficult to concisely put others first. Like I stated above I think I am a product of the “me first” society. I have such entitlement issues it is simply unbelievable.

The Tao teaches us first you need to learn it, then you need to think it, then you will live it. I hope this concept is true in my case. I have learned it, I have thought about it, yet I am unable to live it 100% of the time. I have more difficulty thinking of others when I am depressed because all I want to do is seclude myself and sleep.   

I am fully aware the odds are stacked against us. There may be a real possibility that time and effort is put into this project only to result in failure. Where will my mind wonder if this happens? I have the utmost faith in our cause. I have confidence in the people around me. In my mind failure is not an option; a possibility maybe, but not an option. Only time will tell if this dream will become a reality, until then I am going to trust the Tao that everything will fall in its divine order. Today I choose to embrace healing by helping.

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Comments
  1. Melissa says:

    I really hope it takes off. It will be interesting to follow and hear about everyones work. Keep your chin up and shake off any obsticals that come your way.

  2. Tim, Tim, Tim,
    While there is NO question that helping others and acting selflessly can impact a person’s mood, you are setting yourself up for failure, nonetheless. ANY group effort will struggle from time to time. People will have different ideas of how best to move forward and conflicts invariably will arise as people try to pull the group in different directions. It’s the nature of the social beast!

    In post after post, you keep looking to other people to make you feel whole. You focus on your wife, your kids, your therapist and now this group. In the end, however, NONE OF THEM can bring you peace of mind. The ONLY person with the power to do this is YOU!!

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Rambling,
      That is exatcly what the neuro guy was saying. Finding the power and self confidence, self worth and acceptance is so hard for me to find in myself. I am so broken inside I do not know where to begin in picking up the pieces. I wish there was an easy fix to this, but nothing I have tried has worked. He said I need to take accountability within myself. I am currently in a down blah frame of mind and I am having trouble digging myself out of this hole. It is a cycle I just get worse and worse until I have a mania swing upwards

      • Try this: Accept that you are broken, then decide to unbreak (or fix) a little bit each day. Look at your wonderful wife and beautiful children and be thankful that they are parts of your life.

      • Tim Lundmark says:

        Rambling,
        I feel like I am Humpty Dumpty and I can not be put back together. I do not know what I would do without my wife and children. I am more aware now than I have ever been; if I do not put myself back together I will lose my family.

      • Try not to focus on the final destination. The reason you feel helpless is that you see so many broken pieces and you’re determined that ALL of them must be put together again before you can claim success.

        Everybody is broken, in one form or another. Nobody ever gets all the pieces put into their proper places. If we could master this process, we would live forever.

        So, forget about the big picture. Work each day to fix one itsy bitsy piece, one teeny fragment. By focusing on the little stuff, the big stuff will take care of itself.

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