Satan And The Naughty Daughter

Posted: April 12, 2010 in Blog, Blogging, Fatherhood, Journal, Life, Parent, Parenting, Personal
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It has been awhile since I have posted a Satan update. I was waiting for the Judges decision regarding custody and child support, at this time no order has been sent yet. I would like to address my daughters behavior since she started seeing her mom again back in January.

It has almost been two years since my daughter moved in with me full-time. In the beginning when the contact between her and her mother were scarce, she suffered from depression, and at times would act out. In September when contact between her and Satan ceased her behavior improved dramatically. Once we received the letter from Satan saying she no longer wanted contact between her and my daughter, the bad behaviors ceased. She finally had closure.

Flash forward to January, once she started seeing her mom on the scheduled visits, which are the second and third Sunday from 4-8pm the behaviors are back. It started out with a few days of not listening and taking out her anger on my wife and youngest son, once she had her therapy visit things would improve.

She has had six visits, and the time it takes her to recover is now two-weeks, just in time for another visit with Satan. This time the behaviors are worse, and consistent. She has so much anger for her mother, and she is afraid to tell her about her feelings, because she is scared her mom will leave her again.

Instead of dealing with these feelings, she directs them at my wife who has been more of a mother to her than her real mom. She gives her inappropriate attitude, she refuses to listen to her, and has now started channeling that anger by snapping at her. We have tried talking to her, and explaining she needs to direct these feelings at the person who is making her angry and not at my wife. My wife has been with her since she was a baby.

It has been over a year since my daughter has seen her two younger sisters, and the excuses for why she is not allowed to see them changes all the time. I know she is sad about this, and I feel she takes her anger out on her little brother. I am concerned about these two issues, and I am out of options with her. I am nervous to punish her, because of what went on at her moms. I have tried talking to her, I have tried yelling at her. No matter how many times I try to get through to her, she just continues.

She now thinks her mom is the greatest thing on this earth because on their short visits she takes her out and they do all these fun things. I feel like she is under the impression, that if she were to move back in with her mother things would be like this all the time. Perhaps she is acting out with the goal to get sent back to her mothers, and things will be better. I am not sure of this, but I think it may be her plan.

Her behaviors have now rubbed off on my youngest son, causing him to develop these unacceptable behaviors. I can no longer allow her to take out her issues with her mother on my wife, nor can I allow her to treat her brother like shit. When I was young I would fight with my siblings, but we always protected each other. This is lacking, and that concerns me. I feel the way she treats her younger brother, speaks to my wife, and continue to act out is borderline sociopathic. She derives joy out of her behaviors, and how they make other people feel.

We have tried to address these behaviors with her therapist, and she agrees with our assessments. These behaviors are getting increasingly worse with the more contact she has with her. It was established the only phone/text contact she could have with Satan would have to done on my phone with them on speaker phone so I could hear what was being said. Satan was inappropriate on the telephone and said some horrible things, and manipulating her. When I told Satan no more contact with my daughter unless it was supervised, she stopped calling altogether. This was back in September. It was last week or two weeks ago, I allowed them to have unsupervised conversations with her mother, and things have gone downhill quickly from there.

We meet with her therapist on Tuesday, we always have therapy the Tuesday after she visits her mom. We need to put a plan in place to try to stop this. She needs to understand she can not take her anger out on us. I can not allow her to see her mom, even though it is becoming unhealthy. She is only ten, but I can see as she gets older she is high risk for drugs and rebellion.

  1. Gail says:

    Hey Tim ~ As the therapist will tell you, this is fairly normal behavior for a child going thru a parents turmoil. One of the reasons…she CAN control this. What she is doing now, liking being with her mom is what we called “Disneyland” mom…but usually it was dad bc it is more common for mom’s to have custody. If you have any friends in this situation, maybe you want to ask them how they have dealt. I do believe you should definitely give her consequences, letting her know what will happen if she continues certain things, then follow thru. Maybe you could also give her, her own special place to let out her frustrations, a punching bag, a yelling room, a room that has things she can throw, hopefully unbreakable;)
    Just as she has been consistent with her behaviors with you all, you need to be consistent with your behaviors to her. Please don’t get so frustrated or let her call the shots that she return to her mom full-time unless you are convinced all is well there and it IS for Brianna’s Best Interest. Hang In There!

  2. Dan Single Dad 16 Years says:

    Dear Sir ,
    I had the same problem with my daughter. I sent her to counciling . But I also went to counciling to address any isues I had . And my daugther had seperate counciler not the same . Your needs to trust that her therapy is for her and to share with you.
    It took years and maturing as together to gain trust in herself to grow as a person. First you must understand and forgive to move on with your life.
    But trust is a twoway street. You yourself must stop this satan retoric. Your children are not stupid.Treat them as smart caring little people.
    Shine by Example on just words.

  3. Dan Single Dad 16 Years says:

    Excuse me but my words were chopped out . By limited space. If you want the full text contact me by e-mail

  4. Rebekah Elling says:

    You’re very intuitive to see these changes with your daughter. One thing that really helped me when I was younger was having time set aside every night to write how I was feeling. You could structure her time by stating that she needs to sit and write for ten minutes, and even if she sits and stares and the paper and writes nothing, fine, she eventually will.
    The other thing that my parents did for punishment when I was rude or mouthy to them was that I had to sit down with the disctionary and thesauraus and write down 3 things that I could have said that would not have been so rude or hurtfull

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Her therapist has recommended the writing. I have had her read philosophy texts and hope she sees the meaning. I wish there was a philosophy book for kids. I am sure there is

  5. Johanna says:

    Remember, You are the parent. When she is out of control, you have to be in control. Have set consequences and stick to them calmly. Also, try to set aside a special time for the two of you w/ out her little brother. A little positive, alone time goes a long way. (A walk, a drive or a short card game, it doesn’t have to be anything big or fancy) Good luck.

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