Why am I this way?

Manic one day depression the next

Mania kicks in mid-day

Audio and visual stimulation is the trigger

Hard to focus mind in chaos

Talking fast, impulsive decisions

Can’t sleep, mania gets worse

Kids see daddy sick

Why am I this way?

Peaceful mind hard to maintain

The medication kicks in mid-day

My illness is the trigger

Finally a moment of peace

Will this batch of meds work?

Normal conversation with my peers

I drift off to sleep

Kids see daddy well

Why am I this way?

Depression one day manic the next

Depression kicks in mid-day

Sadness and frustration are the triggers

Mind consumed with anger

Unbending sorrow craving death

Please just let me sleep

Kids see daddy sick

Why am I this way?

Happiness hard to find

The medication kicks in mid-day

My illness is the trigger

Finally a moment brief smile

I pray this batch of meds will work

Happy for who I am

Attentive father

Kids see daddy well

Why am I this way?

Panic one day paranoia the next

Relentless panic

Anything is the trigger

Can’t breathe, chest is caving in

Looming disaster all around me

Should I speak? Will my words condemn me?

I can’t deal with this

Kids see daddy sick

Why am I this way?

Comfort hard to sustain

The medication kicks in mid-day

My illness is the trigger

Finally a moment of safety

Will this consignment of meds will work

Doom and gloom are no where near

I can breathe

Kids see daddy well

Why am I this way?

Paranoid one day panic the next

Paranoia kicks in mid-day

Mania is the trigger

Everyone’s out to get me

My phones are tapped

Avoid talking cant incriminate myself

Can’t leave the house

Kids see daddy sick

Why am I this way?

There is no one I can trust

The medication kicks in mid-day

My illness is the trigger

Finally a moment of security

Can these meds work?

Cops no longer following me

Peaceful sleep I attain

Kids see daddy well

Why am I this way?

Hallucinations one day delusions the next

Voices tell me its mid-day

Lack of meds is the trigger

I see her turn into Big Bird

Is she real? Is it a costume? Did I really hear that?

Voices in my mind, which is no longer mine

They tell me to no longer sleep

Kids see daddy sick

Why am I this way?

Quieting the voices hard to do

The medication kicks in mid-day

My illness is the trigger

Finally I have my mind back

This batch of meds must work

No more Big Birds

Everything back to normal

Kids see daddy well

Why am I this way?

Delusions one day hallucinations the next

Where am I

I am you; we are me are triggers you

Fantasy bleeds into reality

I venture into the rabbit hole. Who am I?

What sense we make, don’t speak

Is my dream real, or am I in a dream?

Kids see daddy sick

 Why am I this way?

Insanity consumes me

The medication kicks in mid-day

My illness is the trigger

Finally a moment of sanity

I pray this batch of meds will work

I am a good husband

I am a good father

Kids see daddy well

 Today I am well

Until the next episode

I won’t have to ask

Why am I feeling this way?

By: Tim Lundmark

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Comments
  1. […] autor: Philosophy « WordPress.com Tag Feed […]

  2. 1markt says:

    A real sense of turmoil and futility!

  3. donna says:

    Have you tried lamictal? It worked wonders for me….

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Donna its funny I have been on Lamictal for awhile. I don’t really like the way it makes me feel. Typical for mood stabalizers. You start to feel normal, and you want that happyness back

  4. This is beautiful. I know exactly how u feel. Hang in there.

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