Over the past year I have been having some neurological problems. I went to go see my primary physician and he recommended I take an MRI to ensure there were no tumors in my brain. When the test came back as normal the issue was dropped. A few months past by and I was still having some issues. I request my primary refer me to a neurologist. I went in and he did a minor checkup and set me up to have an EEG. This test also came up with no issues. My neurologist referred me to a neuropsychologist who was going to give me various mental and mind tests over a seven hour period. My appointment was Tuesday of last week, and I will be getting the results at 2:00pm today.

I have been suffering from confusion, disorientation, brain reboot, and memory issues. There are times I will become confused and not really know what is going on. This flicks on like a switch; just all of a sudden I have no idea what is going on around me. I have to step back and really strain my mind to figure out where I am and what I am supposed to be doing. Random shit will just pop into my head which lead me to confusion. There was a day when I left my office to go do some mindless task and immediately after my door shut I was overcome with the thought of baseball cards. I no longer remembered what my initial task was all I could do was figure out what it was I needed to do with baseball cards. This single thought consumed me the rest of the day as I tried to piece together this mystery.

If I get in a situation where there is visual and auditable stimulation my mind reboots and I become faint and disorientated. This may last fifteen minutes to an hour. It is very hard to function once I reboot, the worse the stimulation the worse the symptoms. Just the other night I had an episode in my garage. It was dark out and I was relaxing; the only light was from the garage. My wife came out and started to talk to me, and then the kids kept coming in and out of the garage. The mixture of bright lights and commotion caused my brain to shut down; I felt faint and disorientated. I had to close my eyes and wait until my brain rebooted.

I think the symptom which causes the greatest distress on my life is my memory. You can tell me something and in the span of five minutes I have forgotten it. If I am involved in a long winded conversation I am unable to follow along because my mind forgets bits and pieces of the conversation. I then have to try to reconstruct what I just heard and it never translates the way it was meant to be, on top of this I am supposed to wear a hearing aide so not only do I not remember what was said I also cant make out certain words. I have had days where I needed to write the day of the week on my hand or posted to my computer because I kept forgetting what day it was. To me this is the worse one because I love to learn about new things and my brain is not absorbing the information. I need to either hear or read multiple times before it sticks in my head. This issue also causes issues in my relationships because I cannot follow along with things.

I thoroughly enjoyed the testing process. It is amazing how a battery of tests can tell so much about a person. I had to do these memory tests where she would read a story, and then ask me questions about how much I followed and remembered the story. There was this test where they gave me mazes and I had to do them without running into any dead ends. If I did she would take the piece of paper away from me and I had to start over. They gave me the MMPI, spelling, math, building things with blocks, remembering shapes, and about ten other tests. The shitty thing is they would not tell me how I was doing, which has caused severe anxiety. I honestly feel like I mastered every single one of them, but I am unsure creating an unknown which I hate. I feel relieved they didn’t find anything in the MRI, or EEG; so at least know nothing major is wrong with me.

I am having a really bad day filled with anxiety, because I am nervous what they may find wrong with how my brain functions or processes information. I am worried they are going to find out I have brain damage. I do know if these tests come back normal then the only other option would be I am having side affects from my Neurontin. I am so physically and mentally addicted to this shit, I am scared what it is going to feel like to DETOX off this shit. It is not only the withdraw process I am worried about it is the intense anxiety I am going to have. Throughout the years the only anxiety meds which worked for me were Benzo’s. I have to stay as far away from that shit as I can. It was nice to find a medicine which worked without getting me high.

  1. gail says:

    You are not physically addicted to the Neurontin…and she could not tell you how you were doing during the testing process because ALL the sections have to be scored individually then together to give more accurate results…there are no right or wrong answers…just lets you know where your functioning is. Your brain sounds a bit ADD…Neurontin can produce such side affects. Unfortunately, our bodies become unresponsive to meds over some time of using them, making it necessary to find another. You’re ok Tim…barring issues already known ;)…but I’m glad you had the testing done. Your anxiety and need to perseverate on things does not allow you to get on with daily tasks, so I’m glad you only have 65 minutes left! Good luck my friend!

  2. I’ll be interested in the diagnosis. I have a lot of those same symptoms too!

  3. johanna says:

    Hey Tim, I had the same testing done. It’s pretty fascinating. What they do is see which parts of your brain are overactive (anxiety, add…) and which parts are underactive (depression) and then they work through a type of bio-feedback to correct the inbalances. You actually correct your brain by yourself by watching your brainwaves in real time. Pretty cool. I look forward to hearing their findings.

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