I can remember as a child getting excited when it snowed. I would play outside building snow forts, constructing massive snowmen, and going sledding on any hill I could find. The kids in the neighborhood would have snow ball fights so the forts we built came in handy. I also remember playing pick-up games of football and it always made it more fun playing in the snow. The cold didn’t bother me then like it does now, because I was being so active. I loved when it snowed so much they had to cancel school. Those were the good old days before I wised up to the shityness winter brings. I had no concept about the horrors of driving to and from work. I am in a consistent panic worrying about the next time I need to drive. It causes all my other MI symptoms to flair up and I easily enter into a psychosis. The drive in this morning was horrible and I am freaking out about having to drive home. To me driving in this weather is playing Russian roulette with a car. I worry each time I head out to drive that this moment may just be my last.

This consistent flow of anxiety and panic always comes in mid-November or after the first snow fall. I worry and I worry until I work myself up in a tisi. My mind is consistently bombarded with images of injury, or death. What fucks me up the most is the ice; this is the invisible killer. You cannot see it but you know it is there waiting for you to make a mistake and when you do BAM! Your dead thank you for playing. It rained this morning and has now turned to snow, this means that the water on the roads will turn into ice. I really just want to bring a cot to work and stay here until Friday. If I were to do this then I would only need to drive in this crap two times a week. I am not necessarily worried about me (although I am) I am more worried about the crazy drivers who think they are invincible. They drive with no cares in the world because they think their four wheel drive will save them from death. Agh I am just sitting here counting down the minutes until I have to drive again.

In the end winter is evil, and is Mother Nature’s way of trying to eradicate us. I think she was really mad when we created fire and housing so we didn’t freeze to death. I do not know why I still choose to live in Minnesota, considering how much I despise winter. I just want it to be over and in reality it is just starting. YUK

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Traci says:

    I wonder if this is genetic because it’s been snowing all day here and we must have at least 6 inches and it is still falling and all I can think about is having to drive in a few hours and the possibility that I could be dead or my children could be dead on this so called venture home!! I’ve barely accomplished any work because of this!! I’m online checking the weather every 20 minutes…. ICK!!!

  2. Cailee says:

    I disagree brother and sister, I love winter! It is my favorite time of year, I actually find myself to be much calmer and happier once the first snow falls. The cold air and beautiful whiteness everywhere is absolutely refreshing and exhilarating.
    I worry about the driving aspect when the weather gets really horrible, but you just go slow and be cautious and only drive when you absolutely have to.
    I hate hate hate thunderstorms, so when the first thunderstorm of the season comes that’s when my anxiety flairs up and I am a nervous wreck all spring, summer and fall whenever ominous clouds appear. I would much rather deal with the gorgeous snowy weather we have now.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Cailee,

      I will admit that winter brings a certain beauty, but so do black widows you can look and marvel at her beauty then when you least expect it she jumps at you and poisions your face then you slowly die!

  3. Winter is but part of the perpetual cycle. Everything — including each of us — goes through it. There must be down time in order to have rebirth.

    That said, like you, I’m not half the fan of winter as an adult as I was as a child. If these brutal winters get you down so, maybe you & the family should move to warmer climes.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Rambling,
      I would love to move, but I do not want to uproot the kids from their schools. I would also be afraid to leave my bubble and my routine to go somewhere else and start over. The thought is very scary. Minnesota is great because there are few if any poisonius animals here. If I were to move out west where I want to go I would be confronted with snakes, scorpians, black widows and such. I think snow is better than putting on your shoe and getting bit by something.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s