People standing over me

My words

my words you did not see

Looking back you wish you found

To late

To late I’m in the ground

I could no longer go on living this way

I am sorry

I am sorry I disregarded your words to stay

My Family

My family I hate to see you cry

It should be known that I really did try

Children

Children don’t shed a tear

No more walking on egg shells

No more living in fear

I hope one day you see

This was my last good deed

At last

At last

You are all set free

By: Tim Lundmark

From “My Descent into Madness”

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Comments
  1. But here’s the thing — the gift would not have set them free! It would have chained your children to a life long bundle of pain that they could never eradicate, a hollow place inside that they could never fill. So, in my opinion, it is a good thing for their sake that you decided not to give them this “gift”.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Rambling,

      I can see that now, but during this time I was such a mess I thought I was hurting them more than I was helping them. I thought I was destroying their lives and the only way to free them from myself was to eradicate myself. When i hit my bad lows this is my frame of mind, which makes these lows very dangerous.

  2. hames1977 says:

    dear tim,

    i have read this, and i am quite at odds on how to comment. but i hope that this act of writing to your family will be a brave thing to do after all the bad things that happen. no matter what, your family is standing by to keep you going. it’s just that you need to understand that your kids and your wife has a life to live. they need you to make it easier for everyone’s sake. acceptance is the key that not all in the world is perfect and simple joy in life makes all the difference.

    hoping the best days for you, always.

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