When I was younger I wanted nothing to do with the establishment. I hated authority and in return authority hated me. When I was a child I was strongly compelled to do the complete opposite of what those in power told me to do. When I hit my teenage years my rebellion only got worse. I was riding the philosophy of bands such as “Rage Against The Machine,” “Pink Floyd,” “Green Day,” and “Nirvana.” There anti-establishment spoke to me. Even though I didn’t really know what was going on I still knew there was something drastically wrong with the system.

I never intended to get a real job; I figured I could live off of the money I made from dealing and be completely set. It wasn’t until I was about to have my first child I realized dealing was not the greatest business to be in. I learned many valuable things from my years spent in this business and figured I could easily transform what I had learned into a successful management career. Over the years I would slowly become part of the very same establishment I had grown to despise. It wasn’t until two years ago I begun laying the tracks to ensure I would never again be accepted by corporate America. I don’t want anything to do with the machine. I have always thought hell on earth was becoming a tool. I would rather live poor and save my soul then be rich making deals with the devil.

My first real job was managing a Video Update, and I loved how I could use my experience from managing dealers to managing employees. I did very well for myself and thought I could make a career out of retail management. I figured retail management is not a complete sell out. I ended up fitting the perfect little mold of what was expected of me in my position. I was making more money than most people my age, although a far cry from my previous line of work. I figured I had found my calling. As I got a few years older I had danced around in various retail management positions for a few years until I realized how lame it was. I was beginning to worry about seeing people I went to high school with, and feel the embarrassment of perceived failure. Looking back now I realize that working retail management is a noble career which pays well, but at the time I thought differently. I was making good money, but I felt I was degrading myself everyday I put on a uniform. I started to look for manager jobs outside of retail.

I ended up in this department manager position, which I totally loved. Without even knowing it I had entered the very establishment I wanted nothing to do with, and I was a good little tool. I did everything the vice president asked of me even if it meant going against my morals such as lay offs to increase profits. I did these things and I was great at them. I played a typical manager judging and disciplining those employees with families who god forbid had to call in sick. I went out to schmoozing lunches like a total douche, but I loved it. I felt important and I was making money. I lasted there long enough to be laid off by the very same people I had broke bread with, and the very same people I helped get richer. I made a cardinal sin; I ended up making myself expendable. I managed to get my department to run itself. It ran so well they no longer needed a full-time manager. When it came time for more layoffs I was an overpriced piece of meat. They laid me off and assigned the IT guy to oversee my department.

After leaving this position I found jobs here and there but nothing that was a good fit. I wondered around without a goal or identity. I finally ended up taking a job in collections which little did I know would forever alter my life. I am not going to go into great detail about this position because I touch on this job in more detail in other posts, but a quick synapses I started at the bottom destroying customers lives on a small scale into working my way up destroying peoples lives on a much larger one. Here I was living the dream; I made money and wielded power. I did this until it nearly destroyed me. I finally got strung out literally and figuratively on more levels than one and ended up quitting. This was one of the best decisions I had ever made. When I looked in the mirror I had become what I hated most in this world.

I took a few months off and within this time I did a lot of soul searching and in the process I got all tatted up. I did this as a symbolic statement in my final rebellion against the establishment that I not only hated but that almost destroyed my life. I ended up taking a job at a non-profit making peanuts compared to what I was making before, and I held zero authority. I continued to get tattoos, but felt there was still a small bridge that still existed between me and corporate culture. Acknowledging this I decided to do the only logical thing…I started to write. In putting myself out there like I do I have placed nukes on this bridge and blew this bitch down. In doing this I have all but sealed my own fate. I can guarantee you if I were to try and get another manager job, the human resource manger will Google my name and quickly shred my application. I write about a lot of very personal matters on this blog and in my books. There is no way a company would give me a job responsible for anything except a mop.

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Comments
  1. gail says:

    So does this mean you are currently unemployed?

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Gail,
      No luckly I am still employed. I suppose I am F’ed if I ever leave here. I wasn’t really thinking this one through. Even if I deleted this blog the posts would stay on here. Oh well fate is a funny thing

  2. Johanna says:

    You have to give the human race a little more credit. I would hope that you would not be judged by your looks and body markings. And, if you were to look for another job some day, you would just have to make sure to make a really good first impression!

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Johanna,
      I am good at making first impressions, although sometimes are not always good. Since I can hide all my tats I am thinking the next one should be on my neck. People are very judgmental. I am sure if they were to see me in a tee-shirt they would not hire me. I am certain if they were to read my blog they would burn my application.

  3. Back in the 80s, I worked as a social worker with state agencies in Arkansas & Missouri. It was a job I enjoyed, but I always seemed to be getting in hot water because, like you, I loathe the system and I went out of my way to help my clients navigate around it (which never set well with the big wigs).

    In the 90s, I sort of went off the grid and worked with several radical (left) groups at basically slave wages. My wife & I stayed just above the federal poverty line, but I felt good about my various jobs because I was fighting against the hated machine.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Rambling,
      I wish I was able to do more to fight the machine. I wouldnt even know where to begin. My best hopes is someone reads something I write and it makes them re-think the current situation we find ourselves in. How do you get started working for these Political groups? Do they post ads or do you need to seek them out? Any help would be great.

      • The first thing you need to do is to get involved in various movements/organizations. I’m confident there are several peace, human rights, green and radical left groups in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area.

        Most such groups tend to hire from within the ranks of their volunteers. In other words, most don’t hire outsiders, people the group members don’t know.

      • Tim Lundmark says:

        I will need to look into that. I will need to figure out a way to get recruited

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