I was talking with my mom last night asking for her advice, and to hear her comforting voice to talk me down from the mania I was in. I was having issues on how to manage and structure a certain on-going theme for this blog (will touch on this in separate post.) This complete lack in structure and organization was crushing my brain. We started talking about “Dylan Thomas” my children’s book series. She brought up a great point which has always been in the back of my mind, but I always try to bury it away. She said that I may have a hard time finding an agent because of the poetry books I have written, as well as the content on this blog. When she said this it brought my personal fears to the forefront of my consciousness. This buried realization along with my mania transformed into complete panic.

I am well aware the only way I am going to realize my writing dreams is through my “Dylan Thomas” series. Children books are far more popular than poetry books, and I don’t mean to toot my own horn but the two books I have already written in this series are bad ass. We have to read to our youngest for fifteen minutes every night, and I am always amazed on how some of these books were even published. My writing style for this series is poetry mixed with a Dr. Seuss feel. I felt I was 100% certain I will get an agent, but at the same time an agent may be afraid to sign me because of my adult poetry books and the content on this blog. I know when I first started writing this blog; much of the material was centered on my mental illness, but lately I have not focused so much on my personal struggles, unless I absolutely need to get it off my chest.

Like I wrote in “Piss Off Corporate America” I wonder if I have nuked the bridges between me and the possibility of being signed by a literary agent. If I send my query letter to them will they Google my name and judge me based off who I am, or will they judge me by the content of my manuscript? I am just sick with anxiety over this, because I can do nothing about it. I self-published two of my three poetry books so I very well could pull them off the market, but there is nothing I can do about my other one. It is already on Amazon, and has been the vocal point of various different discussion boards. There is also nothing I can do about what I have written on this blog. I can shutdown my account but I think everything I have already written will be here forever. Although this blog has a modest following I cannot imagine not writing in it. Oh shit I just realized I could probably change the author name on here! Do you guys think that is a good idea?

In the end my question is this. Do you think I will be rejected by children’s books agents because of my persona of being as my mom put it “a complete fucking lunatic?” Should I change the author name on this blog? Should I pull my two self-published poetry books for sale off the internet, or should I just use a pen name for those as well? Doing all this will require hours of work, so do you think it is worth it? Please feedback and answers to my questions are greatly needed so I can cure my panic.

Thanks

You can purchase my books at www.thephilosophyofme.com

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Comments
  1. william wallace says:

    If your a good writer that sells then few give a hoot / what the mental state /what your name / religion / star sign / where
    born/ colour of eyes / height / education.

    It gives balance in experience to venture
    unto the spiritual unknown via meditation.

    I do not know if your having come across
    Prem Rawat he being an spiritual teacher though its fair to say he being the best
    of the best he’s the Teacher of Teachers.

    On pc search put (words of peace) on the
    site you will find an large selection of videos / where Prem Rawat speaks of ones
    turning the senses inwards thus bringing
    a natural unfolding of an spiritual self.

    With meditation one goes unto the other
    extreme of emotions / feelings./ In the
    worldly realm ones emotion feelings can
    easly become master where on becoming a
    slave unto them. Where in the spiritual realm ones emotions feelings being very
    much under ones control / one is master.

    Its in putting the two realms together
    in their perfect balance when reaching
    the ultimate an stage of enlightenment.

    The purpose of creation be it sustains
    an human form /the purpose of an human
    form that via heart brain/ development understanding /practical experience of
    the spiritual bringing / enlightenment.

    In the worldly realm it taking courage
    strength many its trials /tribulations
    many times in (lifes) one finding self
    go through very /very /intense periods
    in development of the brain /with ever
    a ongoing capability in its furthering
    of understanding / experience in depth
    no longer beliefs ideas / one knowing. **************************************

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      William,
      Welcome to the community. So you do not think they will judge me based off the persona I have built. I would imagine they wouldn’t want to sign someone who has as strong political views as me, nor someone who has such religious views and to close it off a self proclaimed suffer of mental illness.

      • william wallace says:

        Tim / if I go to churches they ask me to speak. /When I give an interpretation of scripture as its meant to be perceived..
        it results by the minister or an elder
        of church approaching me after speaking
        where informing me that they believing I
        was sent by the devil and asked to leave.

        The faults not I but misguided christian beliefs /ideas that heaven but somewhere beyond the clouds./ On death of the body
        they taught a spirit transported to some fictional heavenbeyond the clouds. Which
        is nonsense. // It’s only while in human form one making spiritual progress /done
        only by turning the senses inwards /thus
        one able see the light of God. The light
        of God but the power of creation in its purest form (that of pure energy) before
        transformation to the material creation.

        Tim / one can’t blame the down to earth christian such as Johanna & husband for
        problems of the church. They being good simple people. They fail see corruption
        of the church over many many /centuries
        they dont see such corruption in having
        cost many of lifes / untold destruction.

        Through centuries within western nations
        the church witheld ability to read/write
        where they fearing with learning /people
        would challenge an “Authority of Church”
        with education they feared people would
        then questioned christianites teachings
        thus for many /many centuries education
        denied / and when finally allowed t’was
        kept to a privliged inner circle of few.

        Christians fail understanding that what
        Jesus was giving to the closest was the
        ability in turning the senses inward in
        knowing the kingdom of heaven/as within
        such was his true ability// in teaching
        meditation / the knowing of self /t’was
        never such nonsense /turning water into wine/the bringing the dead back to life.

        The true miracle such teachings to turn
        the senses inward / no longer ones life
        based on ideas beliefs/ but one knowing.

        In regard to political corruption a USA
        UK abandoned Domestic/international law
        then proceeded with the brutal /illegal
        invasion of nations /a cruel setting up
        of puppet govts / a killing of hundreds
        of thousands. //Of course its right you speak out. It t’will not be liked /such
        be expected. The problem is the planets
        very limited resources the most powerful nations now taking at gunpoint/ whatever
        need /today its the middle east with its vast oil reserves. /Hence such a push to invade IRAN t’woud leave western forces with complete control of the middle east.

        It being then their focus on RUSSIA with
        its vast natural resources HOWEVER there
        be grave danger with such intent/ it has
        a high probability in starting a nuclear
        conflict /resulting in human destruction.

        Thus your right in having caution as to question political military govt policy
        if not in changing their present course
        then the future for humanity being dire.

      • Tim Lundmark says:

        William,
        Wow! I am a bit confused are you responding to just this post or multiple posts? I do love your insight on religion, and love the insight on political affairs. Do you by chance have a blog I can check out?

      • Tim Lundmark says:

        William,
        I am a firm believer I final downfall will be a complete takeover by the combined forces of China and Russia. I do not think our military power can match theirs. I think we have shown our hand in the war in Iraq and in Afgan. that we are not as powerful as we seem. I know the war is different but still we could have taken measures to show our might and to show the world we have balls and to not f with us. That being said I strongly oppose the wars

  2. Johanna says:

    Fear comes from the devil. The phrase “Do not be afraid” is mentioned over 200 times in the bible. Your fear and panic will do you no good. Leave things as they are. Be who you are. You may or may not be published. Do what you can to promote your book and quit worrying about who you are. There are plenty of genius/crazy people who have written books. Most authors are a bit crazy, to tell the truth. Everyone has their own “crazy”. Your crazy is what makes you who you are. Stop worrying.

  3. Johanna says:

    Tim, I have been studying my faith in earnest ever since I started having children. It’s a never ending journey for truth and beauty. I have made a lot of mistakes on the way, but have also learned so much. My husband, who is much more practical than myself, sometimes reminds me that what God wants is actually very simple. You need not go much farther than “Love one another, as I have loved you”. If you find yourself overwhelmed with questions and confusion, and doubt, just remember that simple exhortation.

  4. Here’s the Taoist answer: You are too focused on expectations. Lao Tzu urges each of us to do our best in whatever we do, then to walk away. In other words, allow your writings to stand on their own. If enough people like them, then they will sell. If not enough people do, they won’t sell.

    The question you must ask yourself is: Do you write to be popular/make money or do you write because you are a writer? If the former, then you might need to take some drastic action. If the latter, then quit worrying about it.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Rambling,
      I suppose I write for both reasons. I would love nothing more than to make 35k a year with my writting. This is a modest goal. I just want to make enough to live off of not to become a millionare. I love writting poetry even though I know that will not even make me $100 a year. I enjoy pouring my emotions out in an artistic form. I will never make even $15.00 on writing in this blog, yet it is by far my favorite medium. I do however hope one day my inner workings which I express on this blog be heard by more people. So I guess I write for both reasons. I am hesident to call myself a writer because I have yet to accomplish anything because of my writing.

      Thank you for reminding me of earlier lessons from the Tao. Work is done, then forgotten. Therefore it lasts forever.

  5. Johanna says:

    I agree with the Rambling Taoist!!! (Crazy isn’t it?) His comment#4 was right on.

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