It is amazing to me how the smallest thing can finally sever the last thread of sanity which is holding me together. For the last few months I have been struggling with some moderate to sever MI (mental illness) issues, which seem to be getting progressively worse. It has been difficult keeping everything looking nice and wrapped in a tidy little bow. How does one hide such intense turmoil without it spilling out unto the world?

Until about a few weeks ago I have done a great job hiding my issues, but then the irritation kicked in. I get so exhausted holding it together and as a result I get irritable. I get irritable because I cannot deal with the pressure anymore. I know at this point I can’t completely shut down to the world so I get irritable. This irritability only makes the situation worse. It is like I am on the outside looking in. My irritability is usually followed by a complete mental collapse. This collapse is almost entirely done internally, which writing is my only outlet.

I haven’t been able to write a quality post in some time, and my outlet has always been poetry yet my psyche is not allowing the words to come. I am being denied the one channel which keeps me sane. I think this has been the longest writer’s block I have been through. I am still writing but it just comes out as shit. I am stuck inside my head and I am lost within it. I cannot get out and it is getting crazy as fuck in here. I just want to get out. I am a prisoner in my own head.

I was doing my best to hold this fucked up mess together, but a situation which happened yesterday just caused me to crack. I feel completely unable to keep it together. I need to quickly put this broken doll back together before it’s too late. I cannot see my therapist until February so I have to just keep all this shit inside. The most fucked up thing is I cannot even articulate what is exactly wrong with me. I just know the deep depression and psychosis is here, and I need to battle it. It just gets so tiring fighting this bullshit all the time. I hate being good and then slowly transforming into mental breakdown. This has been the cycle my whole life and I need to ask myself how long I can continue this predictable scenario.

What sucks the most is my family gets dragged into this mess. This is by far the most painful thing about this. I can deal with my inner turmoil because Lord knows I have been doing it my entire life. I feel as if they would be better off without my bullshit fucking up their lives. These are innocent bystanders who get dragged in the mud because of my issues. I infect them with my disease and I wish they knew how sorry I am because of this. I can’t very well sit them down and explain daddy has issues and he is so sorry he can’t be a good father or husband. I just feel so ashamed. I feel so alone.

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Comments
  1. Johanna says:

    I don’t see why you can’t sit down and explain to your kids about your problems. Kids are pretty forgiving. No body is perfect and I’m sure they would appreciate your honesty. Hang in there.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      My kids already see and suffer enough from my disease. I do not want to burden them anymore than I already do. Another aspect is I may have passed on my illness to them, and if they do not hate me for that they will hate me for just being who I am. It is these times where I get close to a hospital visit but I do not go for two reasons.
      1. I do not want to try and explain to them why daddy is locked up in a hospital
      2. I do not want to have to explain it to my employer
      These two motivators is what keeps me trying to hold it all together.

  2. Melissa says:

    Tim, I love you and you will get through this. Please don’t deny yourself help if it is what you need. Have you ever thought that you are pitting a heavier burden on the kids by not opening up to them (appropriately) about your illness? Employers understand about these things and can usually accomadate you and genuinely want to help. At least that is my experience when I was hospitalized. I’ll call you later today.. I hate hearing about this stuff on your blog. Love Melissa

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      I may have tried to explain to them before but I can’t remember what I said or how they took it. The more my mind falls apart the worst my memory gets. I am sorry you do not like to hear about it on here. I hate burdoning family with my issues. Thanks for reading though

  3. Johanna says:

    Kids never hate their parents. They just don’t. And, I agree w/ Melissa. Please don’t be afraid to get some help to ease your suffering.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Even if I go to the hospital it won’t ease my suffering it will only be a band-aid, because it will come back only to destroy me again. I think there are probably many children who hate their parents. I know I hate my step-dad, even though he wasn’t my “parent” he was still the male role-model in my life and I truly hate him. I hate myself because sometimes the things I learned as a child makes me sometimes act like him, so I just group all that together.

  4. bip0larGrL says:

    Tim, I know exactly what you’re talking about; the irritability, the writers block, the guilt and shame its as if you were writing about me!
    I too am battling the demons inside my head. Sometimes I’m good, stronger than them, and I feel like things could finally be normal but then I find myself falling down that dark, dank hole that I’ve tried to escape time and again.
    The really crap thing about it is that I know the person I want to be; the mother and wife I always dreamed of being but she seems so far out of my reach. Every day I pray to get better. I pray for patience and tolerance and peace. I ask God to take my anger – anger so fierce, it sometimes consumes me. I try to make sense of it all. Why am I so angry? What is it that my psyche cant let go of? I have so much to be thankful for, so why do I act the complete opposite of how I want to?

    You know what helps me though? Prayer. And God.
    See, once I let go of the self pity long enough to see straight; I realise that all the negative, hateful, morbid rubbish is just Satan trying to drag me down. The moment we are weak, he comes slithering in, ready to prey on our every weakness and use it for his evil.
    That’s when I pray. That’s when I ask God to come in and make me strong again. Satan HATES God. And what he hates even more is when we look to God and put our trust in Him. When we do that there’s no way that Satan can win. Oh, hell try again and again; hell keep trying to weasel his way in, filling our minds with doubt and sinful thoughts. But as long as we remain in Gods presence, Satan will never be able to hold us.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Bipolar,

      I can relate to wanting to be this certain way, but it just seems so out of reach. It is frustrating. I have this image in my head of the perfect father and husband, but no matter how hard I try I can never achieve this. It gets so frustrating, to always be the person you do not want to be. I also undertsand the thing about having so much to be greatful for, yet not being able to hold onto this. The God thing on the otherhand is a bit tricky. I am in transition on my spiritual path, and I am still angry at God, or at least the concept. I still read the Bible and other religious scriptures searching for answers.

  5. Traci says:

    Tim, we are all here for you whenever you need to talk, vent or cry. Please know this. You can call on me anytime and even just a conversation may help at times. Easier said then done I know, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself with being “perfect” or having thoughts of what a father, husband or man should be like. Please call me when you have the chance…. Love you little Bro!!!

  6. Believe it or not, I actually understand where you’re coming from a lot more than you might think!! Personally, I don’t think sitting your kids or wife down to explain it to them will do any good because, frankly, it’s hard for those of us who go through this to understand it ourselves. Whatever words we try to use to define it or explain it are just so far off base that it often muddles the situation any further and makes it worse.

    I suppose if a person believes in God, then prayer will work about as well as anything else. For those of us who don’t believe in god, there is no secret potion or incantation. You merely have to keep struggling to hold it together as best you can and, when you can no longer hold it together, seek help or fall apart.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Rambling,
      You are right no one can ever fully understand the mental pain and suffering and trying to put them into words will never do it justice. It feels like somebody is grabbing my brain and squeezing it. Reality is so out of reach and I am just locked in my head. There is so much more going on which I feel uncomfortable talking about on this site, although my poetry and this site is my safe outlet, yet I still feel insecure about it. I wish i could go on here with full honesty, but I am scared. I don’t think I could ever tell my kids which is why I wont go to the hospital.

  7. renxkyoko says:

    Tim, hang in there…..

  8. Terri says:

    Hi Tim, I’m praying for you. I saw above where you commented that you are angry at God, and I want you to know that as a Christian, I experience that too. I’ve spent the last two years being distant and unsatisfied because of certain things in my life. Over the last few months, I’ve been praying and reading my Bible and really questioning God about those things. I don’t have all my answers, and frankly, that’s disappointing, but I’m not angry anymore. It’s amazing how much better my days are now that I’m not harboring frustration and hurt deep inside. When I start to get frustrated, I make a conscious effort to calm down and give that thing, whatever it is, back to God.

    I know you’re still searching, and that’s good. Jesus said in Matthew 7:7-8, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Keep searching, Tim. God wants to be found.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Terri,
      Thank you for the prayers. I am angry at God. I am angry that he created me to be broken. He created me to be this person who is me, and in time I will get worse to the point I can’t take care of myself anymore. I am angry he created me this way. I am angry that when I was suffering as a child he never answered a single prayer I sent to him. I am not going to go into detail about that. I am angry at him for the many years I have suffered and the many years of suffering to come. If there is a God why would he do this to me???

      • While I’m fairly certain that Terri & Johanna will see it differently, I have a ready explanation as to why God would do this to you: He doesn’t exist and, thus, didn’t do anything to you.

        The things in your head or the things in my head weren’t put there or weren’t allowed to be put there by some entity with a purpose. It can be more readily explained by certain neurons not fusing the way they’re supposed to. When your brain structure or chemistry starts off a little out of whack, it causes problems down the line. Add in a bunch of unique environmental factors and we have the recipe for a big mess cordoned off inside our brains.

      • Terri says:

        Tim, I wish there was a better, more comforting answer, but I’m going to give this my best shot.

        Suffering exists because we live in an imperfect world. We’re not living in the world as it was meant to be, but rather in a world that’s been given over to Satan (1 John 5:19). Job 34:10 is a verse that reminds us that God cannot and does not do evil in this world. Satan does not want you to be free of your mental illness, and more than anything, he does not want you to know Jesus. If you believe that God doesn’t exist because suffering does exist, that’s exactly what he wants. You continue to suffer, and you believe that God is behind it. Satan wins, and ultimately, you lose.

        I hope you receive this message as I intended it: I’m meant to be a messenger of God’s hope and love. There is nothing in this world so big that God can’t help you overcome it, and there is nothing so powerful that He cannot fight for you. When you’ve met your limit, that’s when He is strongest (2 Corinthians 12:9). I won’t feed you a line and say that trusting is easy. It’s not. The world doesn’t make it easy. But God isn’t like people, who will fail you, deceive you, and bring you down. God is God, and He is always with you, even in your suffering.

        Tim, more than anything, I want you to know that God loves you, and that He hurts when you hurt. I could tell you a million other things, but that’s the bottom line: GOD LOVES YOU.

        @The Rambling Taoist: you’re right, I do see it differently, and I’m guessing you’ve probably had this discussion with other Christians in the past. You know why you don’t believe, and I know why I do. If you’re interested, I’m more than happy to share why, but I’m not going to beat you over the head with the Bible. Jesus shared his message with love, and that’s how I want to share mine. So, Rambling Taoist, you’re on my prayer list too, whether we ever communicate again or not. God loves you, whether you believe that or not.

  9. @Terri
    If this god of yours so loves me, Tim, you and everybody else, does he love Satan too? Satan is one of his creations just like everything else in this world.

    How does a loving and just being create something that is evil? If your god is without blemish and Satan himself IS a blemish, it would follow that Satan’s blemish becomes god’s blemish.

    Finally, if god so loves the world and yet Satan is destroying it, why doesn’t god destroy Satan? If you are a parent and your child starts bludgeoning a neighbor child AND you stand there and allow to happen without interceding, aren’t you just as guilty as your child?

  10. Emily says:

    Tim, I’m a writer too and I know the feeling of words and creative expression being your absolute only outlet. Conversation is a lost art to me because I can’t process how I’m feeling by speaking. I can only reduce the pressures and anxieties that take over my mind by letting these words out onto paper. When I get so run down that even this doesn’t work, it does seem like there’s nothing left. I’ve experienced panic attacks that come from left field and leave you paralyzed on the floor and then sick to your stomach for months. It’s the darkest place I’ve been and I don’t want to go back. I don’t want you to stay there, either.

    I could reiterate Terri’s message because it’s what I believe too, but she didn’t leave anything out and there’s nothing I could improve upon. I could try to answer doubters’ questions but I honestly don’t have answers. I only know what’s helped me – I was my loneliest and my sickest when I ignored God and avoided my family and friends. It was easier to shut them out so they didn’t see the ugliness that had infiltrated my entire existence. It was incredibly difficult, but one conversation, one day at a time I slowly started to show people what I was dealing with. The surprising thing was that I found I was not alone at all. It’s a shame about most Christians – a lot of us pretend that it’s the happiest life that’s ever been. Easy. Beautiful. Optimistic. Trusting. Faithful. Most of the time it’s ugly and hard. We struggle to the top of the mountain and have a couple of good seasons and then topple down again. It is beautiful at the top though, which makes it all worth it.

    It may not seem like it, but your family loves you in your brokenness, even if they don’t know what to say or do. They love you. Not a version of you that you wish you could be. And yes, so does God. I’m still struggling with the “Why would God make broken people?” question in my own life. He isn’t like us. His ways are not like ours and we’ll never know these answers while we live on this earth. I hope one day that I can make peace with the fact that I’m not always calm and at peace, but am most often broken. I think you’ll find that, the more people you talk to about this, the more you’ll find that everyone is broken in some way.

    So, I don’t have answers. I do have suggestions as a writer: Write shit. If shit’s all you’ve got, write it down. It sounds like a hopeless aspiration, but do it anyway. All of your questions and fears and doubts and frustrations can at least be handed over to paper, if not to God, to give your mind some kind of respite.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Emily,
      Welcome to the community. Thank you for your post. I have seemed to draw in many Christian readers which is great but I am worried how everyone will take it when i write an atheist post. My darkest month is here in two days and I am already falling apart i am scared to see how much more I will lose it.

      • Emily says:

        We’ve all lost it at some time or another – no need to worry about other people’s reactions. We’re all just trying to get by with what little grace we have. If we weren’t weak and scared and completely losing it, we wouldn’t need grace. It’s funny, yesterday at church the homily was all about perfection (the readings were on the beatitudes) and how it gets us nowhere. Only the bread that has been broken can feed the hungry. Jesus was completely broken so that we could see God and have anything to hope for. That absolutely baffles me and I worry I’ll never fully appreciate it. It is comforting to me though that he knows brokenness first hand. Do not fear to hope.

  11. Terri says:

    @Rambling
    Satan was created with free will, and in his free will, he chose to rebel against God and attempt to set himself higher than the Almighty (Isaiah 14:13-14). His sin isn’t God’s fault, and it’s not God’s blemish. The blame for sin lies solely on the sinner. You may be familiar with the expression, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” God loves all of His creation, but He hates their sin, and there’s a big difference.

    As to your final point, I don’t know. The Bible says that at the appointed time, Satan will be cast down and finally defeated. In the mean time, He sent His son, Jesus, to give us an “out” so that we can be forgiven of our sins. We are not without hope.

    • If God gave Satan free will and free will means choosing this or that, then God is responsible for either choice. Remember, as you believe, God made everything and everything includes ALL good choices and bad choices.

      Now, it could be argued that Satan chooses something outside of what God created. However, if you go down that road, then that means that God didn’t create everything and thus he isn’t all-knowing and all-powerful.

      It’s nice to know that Satan will be cast down at some point. That information, however, doesn’t account for all the pain and suffering people go through now.

      Going back to the example I offered, if your child kills a neighbor child and you wait 40 years to punish your child for the misdeed, I don’t think this will provide much comfort to the parents of the dead child. It won’t lessen their agony one iota…Heck, they may be already deceased themselves.

  12. Hi Tim,

    thanks for visiting my post and leaving your “vote”, its appreciated. Looking at the above discussion, I would like to add the following comment – if I may – based on my studies of ZEN Buddhism. And, I am a practical guy, so my comment will be equally down to earth:

    Mind is all there is in the beginning and the end. And anything we perceive as Reality is hence Mind created. The entire process of creation is perpetuated by just one very simple, straight forward and obvious Universal Law: Cause & Effect! My Blog post “The Matrix of Reality – Reloaded!” and other posts explain that position in more detail.

    Consequently – and I know a lot of people (especially religiously motivated people) do not wish to hear this – whatever reality we experience today individually and collectively is the direct result of our own Mind Activity. To try and blame some God or Evil for your misfortunes is also clearly not going to make any difference as it only perpetuates the negative thinking you have already established as your very personal habit and reality.

    Mind creates everything we experience as positive or negative in this world and this specifically includes any form of disease or disaster that may befall us at any given time. The result of our individual or collective Mind Activity is however not alway immediate and is further perpetuated by consequent actions – either physical or verbal – which are primarily driven by our insatiable Greed, Anger, Hate, Fear or Delusions. My Blog posts “And Death shall have no Dominion” as well as other posts, describe that position in more detail.

    The basic principle of Cause & Effect in action looks a bit like this: The more we think about disease, disaster, death and destruction and whatever else occurs in between, including of course our happy states and joys – our Mind Activity alone will perpetuate these events and finally manifest as reality. In short: The more you think about your disease as something that you hate or fear, the more you will perpetuate that disease! I personally doubt that any shrink will be able to help you with this effort as they are usually as confused as the rest of us about our Mind, Psyche or Personality.

    The only way out, is an all out effort on your part to turn your own Mind Activity around and focus your entire thinking process on just one issue: To heal your own body from within, using your own Mind Power to achieve this objective. It is – in my opinion and understanding – primarily your own Mind Activity that has perpetuated your current situation to begin with and consequently you are the only one who can save the day!

    You need to completely let go of your current situation, stop thinking about yourself and your disease and gradually replace your current thoughts with just one line of thinking and repeat that line 20.000 times per day:

    Thank you for my Healing!

    Complement that effort by raising happy and grateful thoughts about yourself and all that you love in this life and continue to do this Non-Stop for 3 to 6 months and I don’t see how you can fail. You may even think of God in some grateful and positive way in the effort of healing yourself as that can certainly do no harm. Needless to say that this needs to be an all out relentless effort that allows no distraction or negative thinking to interfere?

    Please also read the other posts on my Blog, since I pretty much write about nothing else but – Mind Power! And with that our own capacity to achieve anything.

    I hope my comment will be useful…

    Best & Good Luck

    Arne

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Arne,
      Welcome to the community. Very nice response. I try to do positive self-talk, but I have failed at thinking positive. Even when I am centered I still think expect the worst and hope for the best. I do try to use my bodhi seeds and repeat Tao verses but I am so consumed at this moment it makes it a bit tough

  13. Tim,

    I don’t think you are ready yet to accept how Mind really works: As long as you think that anything physically exists outside of yourself, that you believe is beyond your control and that defines you to begin with or can somehow save/change/ heal you such as The Buddha, The Tao, God, The Devil, etc. you will not be able to control reality – but reality will control you instead!

    Any type of form, object, sentient being, concept, idea, the environment, including our own physical self, exists only as a result of our own Mind Activity. To formulate this differently: The answer or solution to any of your problems can only be found in your own mind and not anywhere in this objectified reality.

    To try and solicit help from forces beyond our own inherent Mind Power is therefore meaningless. To chant Mantras or recite verses from the Sutras and the Tao is like shovelling shit for the rest of your days – or, to put it in modern terms – it is like running on a tread mill in your health club every day, vainly hoping that it will extend your life expectancy by a few minutes in the end.

    Life and Death is only the Beginning!

    Best

    Arne

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Arne,

      Okay I am following your logic. When I get to the state I am currently in I have no control over reality because I have no idea what reality is. I question the sounds I hear and if the people I interact with are really there or not. My reality makes no sense not only to me but to those around me. I am being controled buy reality and I have no Idea which reality to accept. I suppose it is all subjective so regardless of what others think this reality is the true reality to my mind

      • Emily says:

        I totally get this. It’s hard to remember my darkest days (read: in the grips of a full on panic attack) but I do remember my sister having to grip my shoulders and tell me what was real and what wasn’t. Words cease to make sense when you reach “that place” – whatever rock bottom is for you. All the good advice in the world won’t give you any rest if you don’t know what up and down are. I literally was convinced that the devil was in my mind because I didn’t know where my thoughts were coming from. Thankfully, that part didn’t last long. I was letting stress control my outlook on the rest of the world/life. I’ve never gotten into new age healing, so I don’t know a lot of those references, but I definitely get the premise there.

  14. While I generally agree with much of what Elk Arne has written, I also think physiology plays a role. Our minds are impacted by this organic matter we call the brain. If this brain is not wired properly, then it impacts how the mind creates pictures of reality.

    For example, if a wire on some electronic gizmo tends to have a short in it, the gizmo tends to not work as well as it might otherwise. At times, it won’t run at all and, other times, it might alternate between starting and stopping.

    When the brain isn’t wired correctly, this tends to distort what we see, hear and comprehend. As Tim relates (and I personally can vouch for), it sometimes becomes an untenable jumble that the mind itself can’t make heads or tails out of.

    • Hi,

      please see the post, “The Matrix of Reality – Reloaded!” on my Blog as to my understanding of how the brain is “wired”. It is still only Cause & Effect at the end of the day. And there is nothing we can’t fix using just Mind Power from my perspective.

      Best

      Arne

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Rambling,
      Yes I loved where Arne was going but I to was having the thought about what to do if your brain is just not wired correctly. I do not think there is much I can do to combate this besides taking the multitudes of meds I am currently on. I wish the concept of controling your reality by being in touch with the mind was easier said then done. I am not very good at positive self-talk

  15. Tim,

    everything is objective! Because your personal assessment on what is or not is the only view that matters. The reality that you have created for yourself is also confusing other people around you because they obviously can’t follow you where you have gone in your mind. I guess that’s where the term madness comes from originally… You are being controlled by a reality that you have created for yourself to begin with!. I could give you the following ZEN examples of people trying to find their own mind by using their own mind? Its like trying to become what you already are or trying to find what you already have. All you really have to do is understand that your true Self Nature is Mind Only!

    People around you look at the reality that you have created for yourself and they obviously don’t get it! They don’t get it, because they don’t think like you. Everything in this world is totally interconnected. Most sentient beings think alike because they have been conditioned from the day they were born to think alike. Once you step outside of the established boundaries as defined by common sense or accepted world views… you are clearly on your own, in your own reality! So the people around you and even yourself believe you are Lost in Translation because you decline to follow established procedures as to how you are suppose to live, behave, act and ultimately die.

    Yet, all that you have done is create your own little Dream World… think of yourself as Alice in Wonderland: How far do you really want to go down that rabbit hole?

    Best

    Arne

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Arne,

      My reality is all I know. I rely on those around me to point out what is real and what isn’t. Sometimes these realities are so vivid I think those people are lying to me in some effort to trick me. I agree with we define what is sane and what is maddness based of the society in which we live. I have often times thought I was the sane one living in an insane world. As for the rabbit hole. I use this analogy in my writings and in my poetry. It very much feels like I am going down the rabbit hole where things are just getting stranger and stranger.

      • Tim,

        your reality is nothing but empty bubbles based on dualistic, conceptual and discriminative Mind Activity! You haven’t seen nothing yet if you believe what you think is real, is actually real! When you finally get to the bottom of the rabbit hole… say hello to Alice for me?

        Best

        Arne

      • Tim Lundmark says:

        Arne,

        When I get to the bottom the last thing I see is Alice or the world she is in. This is a very dark place with very little hope to cling to. I understand what you are saying. Perhaps I need to go back to these teachings and see if I have an ah-ha moment.

  16. Hello again,

    I would like to clarify my above comment just a bit:

    In order to understand what is real or not, acceptable human behaviour or not; mad or sane, we must also understand how we are all conditioned from the day we are born to think, act and live based on specific and established patterns of human existence. These have been fed to us in one form or another from the day we went to Kindergarten and have in large part defined us as to who we are today in terms of individuals. Once we falter in our commonly accepted understanding that this conditioned existence is real, we obviously have a problem because not many of our fellow human beings are able- or willing – to follow us. In my opinion, any form of mental illness is ultimately a breakdown of the conditioning that keeps us in line with commonly accepted and established behaviour.

    In any case, whether you are still within the generally accepted reality or not, once you believe that you have no control over your own personal reality, that’s because you think you have no control over your own personal reality! You believe that it is defined and imposed upon you by factors outside of yourself and your own mind. The only way you can break out of that cycle is to believe in your own mind capacity to do so. That has got to be the starting point!

    The part that you need to understand is that your Mind Activity is stuck in a cycle that perpetuates your current State of Mind – nothing else. And since you do not believe that you can be in control of the reality you created for yourself – there really is no way out of that cycle. I would like to think that a situation such as this one can best be described as a Catch 22 Situation?

    And your current state of mind makes no sense to people around you since they do not think like you nor are they able to follow your line of thinking to begin with since it is outside of established and commonly accepted forms of human behaviour. I would think that part is fairly obvious?

    To conclude this, it is still my firm believe that ultimately the only place where you can resolve this situation is in your own mind by yourself.

    New Age Healing: I am not into New Age Healing myself but use mantras as established in the “Tibetan Book of the Dead” almost 3.000 years ago and I implement “The Art of Chi Kung”, first developed by ZEN Master Bodhidharma in the 5th century as a secret form of using Mind Power only to heal the vital energy flows of our bodies. These work best if our general mind set is in the positive range to begin with as their capacity to function is diminished in a mind that is constantly distracted by negative thinking. As mentioned above, you would have to change your general Mind Activity around first if only just a little bit and in order for a mantra to work. The one I mentioned above “Thank you for my Healing” is an example of a mantra formulated in english. The once I read were originally written in Sanskrit but that doesn’t really matter as our mind intuitively understands all languages.

    Best

    Arne

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Arne,

      I write a lot about media brainwashing, as well as the brainwashing we experience in school. I am not sure if we would fully agree but I believe this is a form of control which creates cookie cutter society. We are taught what to believe, our morals, and how to behave among other things.

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