First off I would like to apologize for my abnormal gap between posts. Not to sound like a Catholic in confession, but it has been six days since my last post. This is by far a record for me, and I feel terrible about it. I would like to try something different for today’s post. This has actually been an idea I wanted to try for some time now, but I always get anxiety when it comes to trying something new in fear of failure. So here it goes; I hope you enjoy!

I am a huge fan of music, because of my job I am able to listen to music in my office for eight hours a day five days a week. This is one of the many fantastic parts of my job. I just throw my iPod in and continue to try to listen to every song on it; which has become a two plus year’s process (I am 4k songs away from accomplishing this feat.)

I am a fan of all music types. In fact I have a little bit of everything on my iPod. I have often thought that these songwriters have somehow gotten into my head and wrote a song specifically for me. Everything just seems to fall into place. The musical arrangement is set up perfectly for the feelings I have on the subject, and like I said the words are pulled directly from my mind and experiences. I am by no means a crier, in fact crying is something which does not come easy to me, but there are certain songs which will bring tears to my eyes because of how emotionally powerful they are.

The song lyrics I would like to post today is Pink Floyds “The Final Cut” off of their Final Cut album. This song is the perfect combination between lyrics and musical arrangements. Together they form one of the most beautiful songs of all time.

The Final Cut (Waters)

Through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes
I can barely define the shape of this moment in time
And far from flying high in clear blue skies
I’m spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide.

If you negotiate the minefield in the drive
And beat the dogs and cheat the cold electronic eyes
And if you make it past the shotgun in the hall,
Dial the combination, open the priest hole
And if I’m in I’ll tell you what’s behind the wall.

There’s a kid who had a big hallucination
Making love to girls in magazines.
He wonders if you’re sleeping with your new found faith.
Could anybody love him
Or is it just a crazy dream?

And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?

Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings,
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down.
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wzwF3upH-A     ***okay so I added link to song. Let me know if it doesnt work***

This song speaks of my depression, the fortified walls I have built around myself, and my fears of what will happen if I let anybody in. I could go on and on discussing how this song is pertinent to my life, considering this song fits me perfectly line for line I am choosing to not break it down that way. Instead I am just going to touch on some key points.

The first verse touches on how I feel when I hit a depression. The place I go to hide away from the world. This is the dark hole far away from the light of day. The next verse discuss the fortifications I have built to keep people out, and hiding who I really am and how I really feel. If you notice it touches on layers of protection used to keep people out. I have built my wall around minefields, cold eyes, shotguns, and combinations. The final line of these selected verses touches on how my fortifications keep myself locked away from the world. Even if you get past my many obstacles I may be so locked away inside myself I may not be there to answer.  

The following three lines are the only part of the song which has no correlation to my life, but the following two lines are rather powerful. I often times feel I am not worthy of love, and the concept that anyone can truly love me unconditionally is just a crazy dream. The next twelve lines touch on my fears of showing people my vulnerable sides my dark side and my weak side. If I open up to you will you screw me over? Will you take my children away and lock me up, or will you take me home and comfort me in your arms. Will I end up alone and broken if I open up to you?

The final verse is the complete collapse I have when I do open up and let people see me in my vulnerable state. If I keep everything locked away from other people then I suffer in silence, and things don’t seem so real. But once I open up then all the pain and suffering rushes out like a broken floodgate. This rush of negativity drives me to suicidal thoughts, but I never have the nerve or strength to make that final cut.  

I am always nervous about trying something different on here so I would like to ask my readers if this was an enjoyable read or not. I apologize my writing skills have decreased quite a bit since I started my leave, so I am a bit rusty and out of my normal routine making it extremely difficult to stay focused enough to put complete thoughts together.

Please feedback would be great.

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Comments
  1. DP says:

    Tim,
    The post is very nice. It’s a nice switch from the usual style that you write in. I did have one suggestion. If you are going to post write about a song and post the lyrics, you might as well post the song as well. I love Floyd, but this song I don’t remember too well so I went into youtube and searched for it. You should post the video at the end of the post for readers to hear the song if they haven’t heard it. Not everyone loves good music like you and I.

    Now, I also had another question/pondering. For someone that is so sheltered and protected as you and the song claims, you share a lot of your feelings on this blog and through your writing. I went to your site and noticed you had quite a few books regarding your situation/depression. I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that you aren’t really that guarded if you are showing the world how you feel and what your going through… in fact and contrary to your post/song, you enjoy sharing your feelings and emotions to others (even if dark) as do I, often to our own detriment.

    You also talk about letting people in – which again, you let people in ALL DAY through here and your writing. If you truly didn’t want to let people in, you wouldn’t write about it. This isn’t a bad thing. On the contrary, it’s a good thing. Maybe my observations are completely erroneous, but just my 2 cents.

    DPS

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      DP,

      Great points. I suppose I do let people in to my deeply personal side. I suppose it is easy for me to do it on here because I am writing to strangers, even though I have grown a connection to some readers they are still strangers and do not need to look into my eyes. I am by far more honest on this blog than I am to the people close to me.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      DP,

      Also I have no idea how to post songs or video’s on my blog????

      • dp says:

        Tim,
        If you are using wordpress.com as the method of posting, then you should have a button that says “Insert Video” and then a box with that you would put in the URL from the youtube site. Let me know if you don’t see it.

  2. Johanna says:

    I like this post. I too, wanted to hear the song, so I went to youtube. Love Pink Floyd. I think music is great therapy. You can learn alot about people by understanding the music they like. I even wanted to make a play list of songs that were my favorite or that really meant something to me and have my husband do the same. (He didn’t think it was as great as an idea as I did!) Oh well.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Johanna,

      I love making lists of my favorite bands/songs movies/t.v. shows. The problem I have is I end up with hundreds to a thousand things to choose from. I have so much music on my iPod I dont know if I would ever be able to accomplish it. It is funny because I will hear a song and say “this is one of my top one hundred songs.” The problem is I can say that about 500 songs

  3. Lydia says:

    I also liked this post.

    If there’s anything we can do to help you, please let us know!

  4. DPS makes an excellent point. You so often write about impregnable walls and yet you breach those very walls day in and day out via this blog. Consequently, the image of yourself that you see doesn’t match up all that well with the image you project.

    And I agree with DPS that this is a POSITIVE sign.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      All,

      I am happy the post turned out good I was really worried about it yesterday. I am also excited because this means I can post more of my favorite songs which speak to me. I received some positive feedback on how I am able to express myself on my blog. renxkyoko hit it on the head in that this is not how I am in the real world. Although I have family members who subscribe to my blog I do not think many of them read it on a regular basis. I think creating this blog has given me this fantastic outlet to express what is going on inside me which has been awesome!!

  5. renxkyoko says:

    Maybe you’re not aware of it, but you have really opened up a lot of yourself with your writings. But, we don’t really know what goes on in real time, do we? Just the same, this is a very positive thing you’re doing. Take care, always.

  6. bip0largrl says:

    Tim, as usual, this post was quite ‘enjoyable’. Your writing is honest and real and that’s why u have so many readers 🙂
    This is a very good song and speaks volumes to me too.
    Thanks for this x

  7. Raja Sandor says:

    Wow, I totally understand what you mean about the lyrics hitting you, and everything. It happens to me alot, I’ve been trying to capture those moments in a few of my own blogs.

  8. Karen says:

    Hi Tim, I haven’t been reading your posts much lately because I have been really busy with grandkids and then vacation. I enjoyed reading this post. I love Pink Floyd (for years) and their songs/lyrics. This is a powerful song and yes you can relate to some of the words in regards to your life. This is a question I have not asked of you, “what are you so afraid of if you open up to people?”
    I see you as a normal person when we have conversations, although they are not long enough. We will have to spend a day or so together trading war wounds.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Karen,

      Sounds like a plan. I always enjoy hanging out with you. Like the song says I am afraid to show my dark side or weakness in fears I will be rejected or that my vulnerabilities will be used against me in some form or another.

  9. Andre van der Westhuizen says:

    Hi,
    I recently discovered your comments and your explanation on the meaning to the lyrics of the final cut, in 2011.
    I have always love the music and lyrics of pink Floyd. I decided recently to paint the songs off the Final Cut.

  10. ArrGee says:

    This is an amazing track. The voice of Roger Waters is perfect.
    If you want some other tracks to review in the ‘heart rendering’ category, try these…

    Elton John – This Train Don’t Stop Here Anymore
    Elton John – Someone Saved My Life Tonight
    Eric Clapton – My Father’s Eyes
    Eric Clapton – River Of Tears
    Genesis – Throwing It All Away
    George Michael – They Won’t Go When I Go
    Keane – A Bad Dream
    Phil Collins – Long Long Way To Go
    U2 – One
    U2 – So Cruel
    U2 – Kite

    • Right now I am loving Blue October lyrics. Mt favorite is when justin furstenfeld does his open book tour. I am also finding deep emotions in Passanger and Beth Hart musical score and lyrics

  11. Tony says:

    I recently discovered this wonderful site. hope that you could post the meaning of Pearl Jam song Black. thank you

    • Gore_Master says:

      I am going thru some tough times too,I dont like to share it thinking my parents wont love me like the way they should now,I have only a very very few friends ,One to be exact,I cant share my deep feelings to anyone,only heavy metal and Pink Floyd is keeping me alive and I dont wanna commit suicide given the fact that I thought about it a few years ago,people sees me like a arrogant,introverted,anti social, rock hard guy who has no feelings but its totally opposite ,maybe its my fault,maybe not anyway I think u sharing ur own feelings in this form is very good ,Waters did it too to wase his pain. Gud luck mate,meet u on the other side,thanks again for explaining the song. 🙂

  12. Bivek Debnath says:

    I am going thru some tough times too,I dont like to share it thinking my parents wont love me like the way they should now,I have only a very very few friends ,One to be exact,I cant share my deep feelings to anyone,only heavy metal and Pink Floyd is keeping me alive and I dont wanna commit suicide given the fact that I thought about it a few years ago,people sees me like a arrogant,introverted,anti social, rock hard guy who has no feelings but its totally opposite ,maybe its my fault,maybe not anyway I think u sharing ur own feelings in this form is very good ,Waters did it too to wase his pain. Gud luck mate,meet u on the other side,thanks again for explainibg the song. 🙂

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