It has been two years now since my daughter has been allowed to see her sisters. The first year made sense as to why she didn’t see them because she wasn’t seeing her mother aka Satan. She has now been seeing her mom for a year and her mother is still not letting her seem them. Satan’s reasons for why she can’t see her sisters is because her husband aka Fuck Face is not allowing her to see his kids because he is scared she will bad mouth him in front of them. He will only allow her to see them if he is there to monitor the visit. The problem with this is my daughter doesn’t want to see him, because she is angry and terrified of him for the things he did to her while she was living with them.

When her mom decided to start coming around again Satan told her the reason she can’t see her sisters is because for the first few visits she really wanted to reconnect with her before her sisters were re-introduced into the scene. The visits would come the visits would go, after awhile my daughter started asking her mom when she could start seeing her sisters again. Satan’s response was she could only see her sisters if she agreed to see FF at the same time. When we first started hearing about this ultimatum we knew it would only be a matter of time before Brianna caved in and agreed to see him.

During their last visit her mom brought up a concert that they were all going to attend on her visitation day. She said that Fuck Face and her sisters would be there and asked Brianna if she wanted to go. When she came home that night she told us about the concert. She said she didn’t want to see FF, but wanted to go because there was no other way she would be allowed to see her sisters. When we went to court the judge was adamant that Brianna should be allowed to see her sisters right away, and that my daughter and her mother should go through therapy together before FF is even introduced back into the situation. Both her therapist and the judge agreed that because of everything that happened Brianna shouldn’t have to ever see FF if she didn’t want to. This is what pisses me off because Satan is forcing her to see him, and using her sisters as the bait to achieve this end.

Later in the week Satan sent an e-mail to us asking if she could keep Brianna later on her next visit to attend this concert, but failed to mention to us that FF would also be attending this concert. Ever since the last run in between my daughter and FF I have made it crystal clear to them that Brianna is not allowed around him. We are now in a pissing match over this topic. I told her mother that if FF wants to really make this work, then let her see her sisters with just her and her mom for a few visits then he can be added to the visits as long as it is in a public place. Satan’s point is that she can do whatever she wants whenever it is her visitation hours and I have no say in this. My stance on this is Brianna does not want to see him, but wants to see her sisters. She should be allowed to see her sisters first so she feels safe and secure before she is exposed to FF. I know she is going to feel very uncomfortable the first couple times she sees him, and I do not want these emotions to get in the way of the joy of finally being able to be reunited with her sisters. Brianna deserves to be herself, and if he is around looming like a prison guard she will feel very uncomfortable.

I don’t know what to do here. I don’t want to be the reason Brianna can’t see her sisters, but it is also my job to protect her. I know FF doesn’t want to see her; he has made it clear time and time again that he doesn’t like her, and she is excess weight keeping them from having a perfect family unit. Both Satan and FF were perfectly fine not ever seeing Brianna until they found out that with custody change they would have to pay child support. Ever since then they have been working hard at trying to make things go back the way they were. The sad part is they are holding her sisters as a bargaining chip to achieve this end. Brianna is only eleven years old and to be manipulated in such a way almost tops all the dirty shit that went on in the past.

I think one of two things is going to happen; first she will either hide the fact that FF will be with during her visitation hours, or Satan will now start to blame me for why Brianna can’t see her sisters. I think she will bring FF around without telling me, and I really cannot say anything about it. Brianna doesn’t want to see him she wants to see her sisters, but her mother has made it clear to her that she will only see them if she sees her husband. I think she has finally been worn down by her mother’s ultimatum.

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Comments
  1. I have a suggestion: Why not schedule a visit with B’s mom, her sisters AND Idiot Boy with you (and, possibly, Nicole) present. That way, B gets to see her sisters and you can be sure that Idiot Boy behaves appropriately.

    I realize that you greatly dislike your ex and her idiot husband. You’d rather not have anything to do with them. They probably don’t want to have anything to do with you & Nicole either.

    However, if you 4 adults could put aside your animosity for each other for the sake of your daughter, then she could spend some time with her sisters.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Trey,

      A four way meeting would never work. When her mom first walked out on her we fought for over a year begging and pleading her mom to see her and allow her to see her sisters. Her mother finally sent B a letter saying she wasnt going to see or call her anymore so we dropped the fight because the letter finally gave her some closure. Well her mom decides to come back around (after we took her to court) but still will not let her see her sisters. This has nothing to do with Nicole and I or our relationship with them. We have now fought for another year to allow B to see her sisters. The problem is my daughter begged and pleaded to me while she was crying and shivering in my arms to protect her from him, and do everything I can do so she never has to see or talk to this man again. This episode was brought on because he texted me and wanted to talk to B. She told me if she said no that he would come to the house when we were not home and hurt her. Considering everything that went down when B was living with them and everything that happened when she was spending e/o weekend there add on her fear and comments it makes sense that I do not want this man around my daughter. I am sure she will see him eventually but I prefer this be done after she has a few visits with just her mom and sisters. B does not want to see him. She is afraid and uncomfortable around him. I do not want this to get in the way of her trying to re-build her relationship with her sisters. Because of the time between the last time she has seen them and with the age they were when she last saw them they are not going to even know who she is, and I am positive B is not brought up in that home. In conclusion my reasonings for why I do not want her to see FF has nothing to do with my animosity towards them and has everything to do with B’s safety and well-being.

      • Tim,
        You wrote in this post that you fear B will cave-in to her mom’s pressure. If she does, then she will end up seeing the man she doesn’t want to see and you won’t be there.

        My suggestion is that you be pro-active. Take the pressure OFF of your daughter by arranging for a visit with all 4 adults present. This should provide her with a degree of confidence because she knows her dad and step-mother are there to protect her.
        If FF tries to pull something that scares or intimidates B, you can simply end the visit right then and there.

      • Tim Lundmark says:

        Trey,

        I just do not see a visit with all four adults working. I am 99% sure they would never go for it, even if I had the will to pull it off. Like I was saying to DP if the whole story was known then I am sure all my readers would understand why the four of us getting along is just not a realistic option. The last time I talked to FF I was confronting him over what he did on the last visit B would ever have with them. They forgot to return her medicine which she needed because she was really sick. FF was infiriated I called him out on his behavior. He then refused to bring us B medicine and dared me to come and get it so he could kick my ass. I am by no means a push over but FF is an amature MMA fighter and I would not have stood a chance have I gone there to get my daughters meds and fight him. There is just so much more that goes into this situation that perhaps one day I will break down from scratch. Even if we were to all get together FF would be on his best behavior until he was allowed the chance to get B alone with him. In his eyes B has caused nothing but problems for him and his perfect family, and while B was living there then just going there e/o weekend he did everything in his power to cut her down and make sure she knew she was dog shit. The things he did and the way he treated my daughter is compleatly unforgivable, and the things her mom has done to her is also unforgivable. These two have hurt her in so many ways and more than likely have caused deep seeded scars which she may carry with her for the rest of her life. This disgusts me and in my eyes is beyond forgivness.

        Like I also told DP is her mothers only involvment in B’s life is the two four hour visits her mom has with her a month. They do not talk on the phone. Her mother has not gone to one of her sporting events, nor has she ever gone to a school conference or even showed an interest in her school. She has absolutly zero involvment in her life beyond her visits. Even after these visits Nicole and I are left doing damage control over something her mom has said or done. These two are religious extreamists who appear to get off on causing a little girl emotional distress. This is just to unforgivable.

  2. First, a suggestion. If you must call your ex’s husband by that name (and apparently you must) could you shorten it to FF for the rest of the blog? We will get your drift, and you will have to type less. It works for companies and diseases, and maybe you could consider him to be in the latter category.

    I have to assume that all legal options to keep FF from seeing Brianna have been exhausted. Otherwise that would be my first recommendation.
    As for “the things he did to her” before, has any of this been reported to authorities? Child services are supposed to protect kids from abuse. I do say “supposed to” because I realize the system is far from ideal, but as a former teacher that at least comes to mind.
    It always sucks when adults manipulate children like this. My ex used to get such an earful from me when he tried that crap with our daughter (our son was on to him) that he backed off a lot of the time, except when his natural ability to be an idiot became too much for him. Why do I get the feeling WWIII would break loose if you lowered the boom on her mom?
    My best advice is to go with passive aggression. Brianna may not be there to be picked up until she quits her stupid crap and lets Brianna see her sisters without FF. Or something like that.
    I have often commented on the fact that people need a license to have a dog, but any idiot can have a child. Shame isn’t it?
    Good luck,
    Jodi

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      Jed,
      I should have shortened it to FF I sometimes forget that this kind of language can be offensive to some people. It just feels so liberating to refer to her as Satan since she is pure evil and to him as FF because he is jusat as evil if not more but I felt FF suits him better. He was reported to child services after the last weekend visit she had over there two years ago. It is a long story for why it wasnt done sooner but the jist is FF and Satan had us believing that B was a pathologiocal lyer, and that all her complaints had no merit. They did this by making up lies about what untrue things she was saying about our household which we knew to be untrue. It got to a point where not only was she afraid to say anything more because we wouldnt believe her, but also because they told her she would be in a world a S**T if she ever said to anyone what was going on at that house. Luckly the abuse was only verbal and emotional but I know from experience that this type of abuse has longer lasting effects. For the longest time Satan told B that God was punishing her and this is why she couldnt see her or her sisters. I could go on and on.

      I am sure if I told Satan that she couldnt see B anymore until she can see her sisters her mom would stop picking her up all together, plus she would prob. take me to court for contempt. There is absolutly no communication between us besides a text once or twice a year and an e-mail once or twice a year otherwise communication is to hard and very unproductive. I refuse to say a word to FF because I wouldnt be able to keep it together, and I also cant actually speak to her mom because of my feelings towards her. If I were to say how I truly felt towards those people WWIII would be an understatment.

      • As someone who had worked in public education for most of my career, I got pretty used to hearing the “F” word on a fairly regular basis. It was seeing it over and over and over that was starting to sear my eyeballs!:)
        What about getting professional counseling for Brianna? You would have an independant opinion about the effect these matters are having on your daughter, should you need it in court, and Brianna would have some help dealing with what she is going through. If talk therapy isn’t a fit, art therapy can be a great outlet for children, and often very revealing as well.
        Jodi

      • Tim Lundmark says:

        Jodi,
        When she first came to live with us she was in critical need of therapy so we put her into a session a week. She was so broken and had zero self worth. She then had to deal with the things her mom was saying to her and having to deal with the rejection she was getting from her mom by not wanting to see her. There phone conversations were even brining her down so I started monitoring them, and after I heard a few I had to step in and tell her mom that she can only talk to B if I listen in on speaker phone so she just stopped calling all together. I am happy to say that besides from the emotional pain of not being able to see her sisters she has made great strides. She has adjusted to seeing her mom for eight hours a month and is finally feeling safe, until FF is brought into things. I think she sees what her mom has done and is doing to her, but she is still afraid to tell her mom how she feels because she is afraid her mom will stop talking and seeing her.

  3. DP says:

    You can not strike deals with the devil because you always come out losing.

    Until there is reconciliation on your level, I fear reconciliation at the child’s level will be very difficult.

    My advice is with a grain of salt, but I do come from a divorced family and both my parents and step parents (both mom and dad remarried) get along for the sole purpose of the kids.

    • Tim Lundmark says:

      DP,

      For many years we have tried to get along for B sake but there is just to much bad blood which runs pretty deep. I do not see a reconsiliation on either side, which may be horrible of me but not everyone knows the whole story. I think if it were all laid out there than people would understand why getting along for the sake of B is just out of the question. Satan is not involved in B’s life in anyway besides picking her up for four hours two times a month. Beyond this she is compleatly out of her life so it is not like there is a need for us to communicate.

  4. Tim,
    I hear what you are saying, but this is what you wrote in the post: “When we first started hearing about this ultimatum we knew it would only be a matter of time before Brianna caved in and agreed to see him.”

    So, here’s my question for you: If Brianna caves in and agrees to see him, which do you think would be better for her mental health? Seeing him with you not present or seeing him with you there to “protect” her? That is the point I’m driving at.

    It can either be a really bad situation OR it can be a bad situation with a mitigating factor — YOU!

  5. Tim,

    I don’t think Brianna should be forced to see FF – Satan is real evil. I skimmed thru all the responses so may be I’m repeating myself here: have you and Brianna had a heart-to-heart discussion about this? If she doesn’t want to see FF and Satan is trying to force her, then maybe you can gently guide B to refuse Satan’s demands and.. stop seeing her (Satan) until the latter agrees to allow B to see and visit with her sisters with no strings attached. Otherwise, B can tell Satan that she does not want to see anyone, including Satan, if she has these conditions as a bargaining chip!

    But I must say, we must be related.. because I think my ex was Satan’s sister or cousin or something!

    More power to you!

    ATW

    • Attending,

      Welcome to the community!
      My daughter is so scared in front of her mom. She refuses to talk honestly about her feelings towards her mom, and the things she has done to hurt her as well as all the things she is still doing to hurt her like not allowing her to see her sisters. She takes this anger she has towards her mom and unloads them onto my wife who since the day Brianna was born has been more of a mother to her than her real mother. This deeply hurts my wife (I am writing a post about this dynamic on a later date.) Brianna would never have the courage to stand up to her mom and say that she wont see her anymore until she always her to see her sisters. I have tried to talk to her about this so she can take som empowerment, but she just says that her mom will just stop seeing her all together. We are very straight forward and honest with her because we have no choice. Her mother plays so many messed up mind games with her it is just sad.

      I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

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