Archive for the ‘Abuse’ Category

Myself is an ugly reflection of failures

Spirit broken down to nothing

Reshaped to feel worthless

Myself is an ugly reflection of hate

Hate for the man I can never become

Reshaped to feel worthless

Myself is an ugly reflection of guilt

The pungent knowledge of destroying those you love

Reshaped to feel worthless

I am clay

Clay you shape

To feel worthless

By: Tim Lundmark

 

I feel compelled to do a quick Satan update, because I am just steaming over her manipulation and terror. This Sunday was her visitation with my daughter, (in case you are new, she sees her two Sunday’s a month for four hours.) Satan texted me last week, and asked if she could keep her until 8:45pm last night. I figured I would use this time to ask her some questions, which she had been ignoring me on.

I texted her awhile back because she is not paying her part of the therapy bill. I can no longer send my daughter to therapy, because Satan’s half of the bill is getting larger, and if she chooses not to pay then the therapist will start collection proceeding on me. I also asked her if she was going to let her see her sisters soon. It has been 1 year and 3 months since she had last seen them.

I waited and waited with no response. I texted her again and asked her if she was going to ignore me yet again. She texted me back saying her daughter threw up in the car, and she could not respond. She said is that okay with me, clearly being sarcastic. I texted her back, and said that is fine, but if you have time to text me a rude response then you can text me the answers to my question.

About an hour later she texted me and said when and if she pays the therapist is none of my business, and neither is when she allows my daughter to see her sisters. At this point I am fuming with hate and anger. I respond and say it is my business whether or not she pays the therapist, and it is my business when she lets her see her sisters because I am her caretaker and it affects her negatively. Her response was what her and fuck face do with their daughters is none of my business. I did not respond, I did not give her an answer on whether she could keep her until 8:45.

The hate in me wanted to tell her that the court order states she can only have her until 8pm and that is what I am going to enforce. I did not do this because the person I would be hurting most would be my daughter. I figured even if I said she could not keep her she would anyway. Sunday was a school night, and I was not happy about it since my daughter would be rushed to get her nighttime duties done and would be tired for the next day.

Well 8:45 came and went, and they were not here. My daughter called my wife and told her they were lost and would be late; she sounded upset. She got home around 9:40 and immediately asked if she was going to see her therapist on Tuesday. We had to inform her that she can not see her therapist, due to finances. She said she was upset and wanted to talk to someone. She feels most comfortable talking to my wife since she has been more of a mother to her than her real mom.

She stated that she did not like how her mom always ends their visits with something sad. She said that Satan asked her if she felt comfortable with Fuck Face and her sisters being there next mothers day. Satan immediately said, nevermind you are not ready. This upset my daughter because she does not want to see Tim, and she is afraid to say anything negative towards her mom. She fears if she says anything bad then her mom will stop seeing her again.

The fucked up thing is Satan will not allow my daughter to see her sisters unless Fuck Face is with. She is using her sisters as a bargaining chip. The only way she can see them, is if she sees him. My daughter is petrified of this man and wants nothing to do with him, but so desperately wants to see her sisters. I know eventually she will crack and agree to this, or Satan will just show up on her visitation time with Fuck Face. I do know one thing, I will deny any visitation involving her step-dad.

I just hate how much pain this woman is causing my daughter. The sickest thing is she is her mother, and she knows what she is doing is causing her immense pain. I can not imagine trying to do one of my children like that. Things were so much better when this douche was not around. My daughter was finally becoming strong and happy. Ever since Satan showed up in January and wanted to see her again, my daughter has gone downhill.

The only reason her mom is in her life is because I took her to court to get full custody and child support. Once they saw I was seeking child support they suddenly wanted to see her again. I know the only reason Fuck Face wants to see her is so he can intimidate her to start spending every other weekend at their house so they can decrease child support. This shit disgusts me to no end. I want so badly to just sit my daughter down and show her all the texts I have saved. I want to try to show her that her mom does not care about her; she only cares about not paying child support. This poor little girl tries so hard to get her mom to truly love and care about her. The saddest part is she will never get that.

I am still waiting for the court’s decision on this matter. When we went to court the judge was clearly pissed at her mothers behavior, and called her out. The whole thing seemed so cut and dry. I figured a decision would come very quickly. We went to court on March 3rd and still nothing. My fear is by the time the judge revisits the paperwork, the actual court hearing will be a distant memory. He has 90 days to make his decision, so I think that means we should have a decision in no more than three weeks.

Yesterday the epic battle took place on neutral ground between the evil whore beast Satan. I was a nervous wreck prior to our stand-off. I had my wife, and my aunt in-laws Karen, and Gail for support. We were wondering who would show up with Satan for support; would it be her mother, or her husband fuck face? I thought it would be her mother, she used to be an allies until she started seeing Satan. It took all of one conversation to draw her to the dark side. I thought it would be fuck face, but my wife said “there is no way he will show his face, after all the accusations.” Satan’s allies was none other than the fuck face, the dirty little bastard showed his face.

I had an 18 minute speech prepared aimed at sending the demon back to the pits of hell. I was discouraged to find out, I would not have an option to read it. The referee started off the hearing by asking us why we were there, where we agreed, and where we disagreed. This threw me off, so I missed some key points on where we disagreed. This area was how Satan set up visitation during holidays. Satan requested our daughter spend Christmas eve, and every other Easter with her grandma. My response was if Satan herself did not want to spend holidays with her daughter, then she can not request I allow her to spend them with her grandma. I have always allowed my daughter to see her extended family, so it is not really an issue. I just thought it was stupid she requested such things. I also forgot that we disagreed on monitoring phone calls, which due to her serpent tongue this is desperately needed.

I gave my speech for why I felt I deserved full legal custody, and the beast gave hers. I am unsure which way he will rule in this area. He asked if he did not award full legal custody would it not be in the best interest of the minor child. Satan said it would be in the best interest of minor child, and stated, although we have had our up’s and down’s we have always managed to work things out. I disagreed; I pointed out to the referee how many times we have had to go to court, this should show we can not get along. I also pointed out that we do not like each other and communicating is extremely difficult. I feel there is some hope this will be awarded to me.

On the issue of child support the referee asked Satan directly “do you feel you should not have to pay child support?” Satan responded with “yes…I mean no…well not very much.” I could tell from reading the referee’s non verbal he thought the answer was stupid. He did state she will not have much of a choice in this manner. I asked the referee to base child support off of Satan’s potential income, before she decided she no longer wanted to work, she was making over $20.00 an hour roofing. Satan responded with “roofing is too dangerous; so I don’t want to do that anymore.” The referee asked her how much he should use for an hourly wage, she stated $12.00 an hour. She stated she has no degree, and no speakable skills and that finding a job would be nearly impossible. The referee asked her how much fuck face made. She responded with “I Don’t know.” He looked at her and said “you don’t know?” She skated around the question, and eventually said he works on commission so she isn’t really sure. I finally said “I am sure Satan does not want to pay child support, just like any parent wishes they did not have to pay child support on a child they see four days a year, but it is ridiculous she thinks she does not have to support her daughter.”

I could tell the referee thought she was a compleat douche. If you remember from a prior post, I stated; Satan was requiring me to carry insurance on the minor child, she felt it was not safe for her to not have traditional insurance. This was after she read we could not afford insurance. I pointed out to the referee; it would cost me 54% of my paychecks to insure her on my insurance. He looks at Satan and asks “are you willing to pay half of the medical insurance?” She snickers and says well yea as long as I don’t have to pay child support.

The referee was spending more time asking Satan questions than he was myself. After the hearing Gail told me that was a good sign, she could tell he was seeing right through her bullshit. He was not very nice to her, and told her that she clearly chose her husband over her daughter. There was much more minor insanity, which was said. She told the courts the reason she stopped seeing her daughter in March of 09 was due to me and my accusations of abuse. The referee asked her “well who told Mr. Lundmark about the allegations?” She responded with our daughter.

When it was over she stated her heart hurt over everything that has happened, and she really wants to fix her relationship with her daughter. The referee looked at her and said “how are you going to do that only seeing her 96 hours a year?” He requested she go to reconciliation therapy with her daughter, he made sure to point out she would be paying for that. There really was more said, but this is getting really long. I will not know the referees decision for another 4-6 weeks, waiting for it will be stressful.

I text Satan later that day, and told her if the referee ruled I had to carry our daughter on my insurance, and she agreed to pay half, she would owe me $625.00 a month. Stupid cootch tried to cause me financial stress, and only ended up screwing herself.

The court date is set for March 3rd, I filed the paperwork in Janurary. I am requesting full legal and physical custody, along with child support. The demon see’s her daughter two times a month for a total of 96 hours in a year. In an e-mail she agreed to give me full legal and physical custody as long as I don’t pursue child support. I did not agree; I feel she should help support her daughter. If you would like additional information; feel free to read past posts.

 I filed the court papers months ago, and I had her served by mail, since this time I have been waiting to hear her response. This is causing my anxiety to kick into hyperdrive, and is gravely affecting my life. The court papers say; if she is disputing anything, and is serving by mail it had to be post marked by the 18th of February. She lives close by, so I should have recieved the papers. If she intends to have someone serve me, it has to be 5 days before the court date.

I could no longer handle the stress, so I called family courts, I asked if the demon had filed a response. The court person, said she filed a response on the 16th of February. I stated I had not recieved yet, and it is the 23rd. I asked her if she signed an avidavid stating if she had mailed, or was I going to be served. She stated to me, that she had not filed the avidavid, which states she is mailing or serving. I had some questions stating the judge should not accept, since she violated the court rules on when she should send it. I was transfered to one of the judges assistants.

I spoke withe the judges assistant, she would not assist me in much. The feeling I got from her was not a good one. She advised me to talk to the legal support team to talk about my options. The assistant informed me; the evil one was disputing, but would not say what. I asked her about filing deadlines, she informed me I may not see the paperwork until the actual court date, she did tell me the judge would give me time to review, or reschedule the court date. I need to see those papers so I can mount my defense. I am not okay with rescheduling, this whole situation has not been good for my mental health.

I called the self help legal team, but the wait time for a call backl is 3-4 business days. I have delt with the self help desk before, and they do not assist much over the phone. They advise you to come in, which is not an option. My daughter has school patrol all week, and her grandma picks her up from school. I have a feeling she will be the one to serve me on Friday. This will put the nail in the coffen for our relationship. There was a time when she was not allowed to speak to Satan, and she was very friendly; she praised us many times, stating my daughter was better off not seeing her mom, and that we were great parents. Since her reunion with the demon, she has not said a word to us.

Here is my biggest problem, because I did not agree with the beast on child support she is on a rampage for revenge. She does not give a shit what is in her daughters best interest. She is spiteful, through our whole relationship she has used our daughter to try and hurt me. I fear that she will request 50% physical custody so she does not have to pay child support, or request that she live with her full time. I made a promise to my daughter that I would never allow her to see fuck face, and that I will protect her from him.

I hope the judge can see, she is only doing this because she does not want to pay child support. Since March 2009, she has only seen her four times, for a total of 12 hours. She was invited to go to parents day, and watch our daughter perform in a concert. She never came, times between their visits she does not attempt to contact her. This evil manipulating douche bag, does not care what is in her daughters best interest, she only cares about revenge.

Last night I was looking at pictures of my younger sister’s newborn baby on Facebook. As I went from one picture to the next I was feeling a sense of joy, from seeing her first-born child. My emotions turned upside down when a picture of her father holding Lily popped up. Seeing a picture of the man who tormented me for so many years was a bit shocking, many emotions welled up inside me ranging from hate to sympathy. I laid on the couch, and an urge came to text my sister, and ask for my estranged step-fathers number. Shortly thereafter I received his number, and programmed it into my phone. It was too late to call him, so I decided to what until tomorrow to make the call. I woke up this morning, and felt trepidation mixed with excitement to make the call. I waited and waited filled with nerves I haven’t felt in many years. I finally built up the courage to call around 4:30pm. I think a little background information is in order, before I continue this story.

My mother and father divorced when I was very young, maybe two or three I really don’t remember. Shortly after the divorce my mother met Sam; I was young when they first got together so I really do not recall their early relationship, or what it was like living with him. I am sure he was nice and charming, for if he treated us kids the way he did later in life I cannot fathom why she would have stayed with him.

My earliest memory, of when things started to go horribly wrong was around eight years old. We moved into a new house, by this time my mom and Sam had already had two children together. The house we moved into was two levels, my sisters and I slept in the basement, while my mom, Sam, and their two young children slept upstairs. It was not until I got much older; I realized the true symbolism of this separation. The following years were filled with living in utter fear, I am not going to go into detail on this subject. The psychological pain is far too much to have to re-live.

My mom had many fights with Sam over the way he treated my older sisters and I. She started to notice this type of environment was unhealthy. She wanted to protect me, but was in a lose-lose situation so in In 5th grade I was sent to live with my Grandma. I lasted there for a year before my behaviors’ became too much for her to handle. I was then sent to live with my father and his abusive alcoholic wife for nine months before she got drunk and kicked me out. The whole time I was living there my father did nothing to protect me.

With nowhere else to go I was sent back to my moms. I did not know which was worse; dealing with the sadistic shit at my dad’s or the sadistic shit at my moms. I stayed with my mom for I think two years, before I was sent off to live with my sister, then back with dad, back with sister, back with mom, kicked out nowhere to go ended up with friend, then finally I found some stability when my best friend’s parents took me in. The three years I lived there, ended up being the most stable years of my childhood.

The things that my step-father did to me at such a young age, I would not wish on my worst enemy. The verbal abuse was intense, the physical threats were terrifying, and the emotional damage I carry to this day… devastating. Regardless of my deep seeded fear of this man, all I really wanted was his acceptance. I tried so hard to find a common bond, and hear from him just once how he was proud of me.

My father was in and out of my life, so for better or worse he was my father figure, and like any child I only wanted his love and affection. These are things I would never receive, instead I would be told consistently how big of a piece of shit I was, and how I would amount to nothing just like my father. His psychological abuse was so bad, that past 8pm I would fear leaving my room so much, that If I needed to use the bathroom I would piss in a bottle. I was 16 at the time. After the last time I was kicked out I did not have much contact with Sam, I would have panic attacks the times I went to go visit my mom and he would not say a word to me. I would have panic attacks anytime I would call her and he answered the phone.

When I was 19 my mom, Sam and my younger siblings moved to Northern Minnesota; from then on I saw very little of them. I would have brief chats with Sam if I called and he answered, or the few times I visited up there. A few years back my mother finally wised up and divorced him, after gambling away hundreds of thousands dollars and making her life hell she finally had enough. It has taken me years to totally forgive my mother, and to actually want to have a real relationship with her and his children. I didn’t realize my mother always had my best interests in mind, and she did everything to protect me.

The times I have gone up to visit my mom, I always think about stopping by to see him, or from time to time give him a call. I never followed through with it until today. I figured if I called him and said that I have a beautiful wife and three wonderful children, a house with nice things in it, and just had a book published, maybe I would finally hear him say he was proud of me. I may finally gain his approval, and in that put many demons to rest.

I should defiantly lower my expectations in life. When I called and told him it was me, his response was “ya so” I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I tried to do some small talk. He was a complete asshole to me, he said that he hates my generation; he said that if he would have called his mom after all that time of not talking to her she would have hung up on him. I apologized for calling, and said it won’t happen again. He said good and hung up. In that instant I was left feeling like the scared, rejected, pathetic child I am.

At 4:00pm today Satan came and picked up my daughter. This is the first time that Brianna has seen her in six months. She was so nervous, and made every effort to make sure that everything she was wearing was something that came from her mom (Satan). I am so worried about what is going to happen. I think it is sad that my daughter tries so hard to impress this evil spawn with wearing the cheap jewelry that she never wears just to make this douche happy.

The last time that Brianna spent a weekend at Satan’s house was March 6 2009. Since this time Satan has seen her two times for a total of four hours. That means that their visit today will equal as much time they have seen each other in 10 months! Words cannot even describe how evil this woman is, anyone who can just totally fuck up their kid as bad as she did is completely unacceptable in my eyes.

Satan should receive the court papers either tomorrow or Tuesday. I can’t wait to see what her reply is, I am sure it will be filled with lies and utter goofiness. I cannot wait for March 3rd the final battle between good and evil will take place. I will keep everyone updated on this tragic situation.

Tomorrow is the day, I am finally able to go down to good ole Hennepin County and file the Custody and Child Support papers against my daughters’ mother. This has been months in the making, and I am relieved that the wheels will finally be set in motion and justice be served. I am aware that this is far from open and shut; I have to accept the facts, I am entering a world that still largely rules in the favor of the mother, even though in this situation she is clearly wrong. Let me give you a quick backdrop on this doozy of a story. To hide the names of the guilty I shall only refer to my daughters’ mother as Satan.

Satan and I hooked up, and as luck would have it she got pregnant. Against my better judgment I proposed to her out of mix of responsibility and pure stupidity. After spending many nights with Satan I realize that this woman is the dumbest person in the entire world, and having conversations with her is like talking to a rock… I take that back a rock is better because a rock does not come back with stupid ass opinions on things. Realizing that I am about to marry an uneducated hillbilly douche bag I quickly exited the relationship. If you do not believe me on the level of idiocy that this woman holds let me give you a brief example. I moved out barely talked to her and moved in with some friends two of which were females. Even after these three obvious hints she still thought we were together.

After Satan saw the light she did what Satan does and tries to hurt me, and what is her weapon? She decides to use our daughter to get back at me ala not letting me see her, so I take her to court and I am awarded 50/50 legal and physical custody. Through the following years there were times we got along, and times where we loathed each other. Through all this we seemed to work things out until she met her future husband who moving forward will be referred to as fuck face.

Satan marries fuck face, and they begin to build their life together. This sounds nice except fuck face cannot accept my daughter into the family they were trying to build. My daughter would come to my house on visits and tell of horrendous stories of being mistreated. This continues to go on until my daughter starts speaking her mind, and one summer I am told by Satan that they would like to have her live with me and my wife. They said that they will see her every other weekend. This turned into the first and the third weekend which turned into whenever Satan could see her, which turned into a letter from Satan saying that she no longer wants to see her. There are many stories that go behind this, but I just realized that I am not writing a novel here.

This letter came the first or second week of October; the last time that she spent a weekend at her moms was the first weekend of March 2009. From March to October Satan has seen her two times for a total of four hours, and had denied her the right to see her sisters. The letter clearly said that she was no longer going to call or see her; I figured we should make this legal. I send Satan a text asking if she would sign off on giving me full custody. She sent me a text saying that she was not going to do that, and in fact she wanted to see her. I even received a text from fuck face wanting to talk to my daughter, when I relayed the message to her there was an intense fear in her eye, and she told me that if I say no he will come and get me. I held her in my arms while she begged me to promise her that I would never let him get to her. I relayed the message to fuck face that as long as I have a breath he will never see her.

I managed to talk to Satan and long story short is she will agree to give me full legal and physical custody as long as she did not have to pay child support. I declined such an offer because she should help support her. This disagreement is why we are going to court. Satan told me that she wants to see her on the second and fourth Sunday of every month from 4-8. Her sisters will not be allowed on these visits.

The entire story is sick and twisted and frankly pisses me off; the things that have been done or said to my daughter in my eyes are unforgivable. A parent should not treat their child in such a manner. Tomorrow is the beginning of the final confrontation. Will justice prevail, or will I get shit on? All the facts are there, letters from her family members, letters from her therapist, letters from school, and most importantly letters from Satan. You would think that this is an open and shut case; unfortunately we are dealing with a broken justice system, in which anything is possible except real justice.