Archive for the ‘Evil’ Category

My intended focus this week was to break down, analyze, and apply my methodology to three single events with the intended outcome of making the correct choice. Do I stay or do I go? I have repeatedly replayed the same haunting moment of seeing my son still and quiet on his bike as he watched me get in the car to go to work. In that moment I could see in his eyes the internal conflict between acceptance and denial that his dad is slipping away. I could see and understand all too well the sadness he was trying so bravely to hide.

It is difficult for me to release my sadness and sorrow through the shedding of tears. The only time the outside world can see what I try so hard to hide, is when I cannot hold back my tears. At that moment, just as in this moment writing about it I cannot stop the tears. Many people say that crying is supposed to be this wonderful release of pent up emotions. It’s not like that for me. Tears feel like razor blades running down my face, slicing through self-denial and exposing my weakness and vulnerability. Regardless of how many times I have been told I am selfish and only think of myself, at the end of the day my meaning in life, and my purpose is to not break his heart. I am well aware I will never win the father of the year award. To be honest with you I don’t even know if I’m a good father. Despite what I am told I know I have always tried to be the best dad I could be.

After the series of events that took place yesterday, or would it be considered today? I haven’t slept for days so time holds no logical meaning. After said events the only answer to my opening question; is to go. There are only so many pieces someone can be broken into before they are unable to be put back together. I now need to come to terms with the sobering reality that I will become in my own eyes everything I ever swore I wouldn’t. I will become my fathers son. I am desperately seeking, yet fear I will be unable to live with the guilt, or forgive myself.

Children are not stone, nor are they steel. They are dirt and clay, molded by the hands of experience. There is no way to reconcile the loss of my son’s happiness and hope due to the harsh reality of my life, which I have viciously infected upon my family. Despite my frequent mental transformations I made the decision to get married and have children; in that single moment I destroyed their lives. I suppose I was caught up in the perceived human need for significance, by my own sense of insecurity. Here is where I cannot deny my selfishness. Broken dolls are meant to walk alone.

In moments like this I want to hide within the minds of Soren Kierkegaard and Albert Camus covering myself in the blanket of Absurdism. Believing all struggles for life is for nothing. There is only birth and death, and everything in between is our feeble attempt to find meaning and purpose. This concept is wonderful, but in the back of my mind I’m burdened with this question. What if birth and death were only two points, that they were inconsequential compared to what happens between them?

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Satan,

I feel we need to put to rest the issue of our daughter (B,) her sisters, and F**k Face (FF). When B was in therapy, she opened up her true feelings. She has not worrying what she would say to us or to you. From those sessions the child psychologist gave her recommendation that B should not have anything to do with FF. When we sat in front of the referee in court and he asked you what future you saw with B, you indicated you wanted to work toward more time with her and you wanted her to be part of your family including FF. Referee M clearly stated that you need to focus much of your energy on you and B, on B and her sisters, but seeing FF was not an important piece to that, furthermore referee M indicated that if you wanted to create a better relationship with B it would be in your best interest to find a therapist that specializes in reunification, then down the line possibly FF could be involved, and only if B herself ever felt comfortable.

It is unfortunate that you feel you need to control B by using one of the worst times of her life against her by forcing her to have to “patch things up” with the person who caused her so much fear and pain that she no longer wanted to live in your home. If FF had beaten her, would you still feel she should work things out with him in order to see her sisters? If FF had raped her, would you still feel she should work things out with him in order to see her sisters? But because the pain he caused her was emotional and mental, that should simply be forgotten and swept away in order to please your and FF’s wants? By telling B that she will not see her sisters until they are 18, if she does not work things out with FF, is manipulative and just as emotionally hurtful to her as the original harm. You are simply de-validating her hurt and feelings by forcing her to be around someone she truly does not want to. What if you could only see B if my wife (N) and I were there with you the whole time, would you feel comfortable with that? Or you can see B once the three of us have sat down together worked out all our differences and all became best friends, then you could see her with us there, would that feel like a good compromise for you?

I wish B had the courage to tell you her truest of feelings, but she doesn’t. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell her she can be honest with you, she has made it clear she won’t do it. She told me about her phone conversation with you on Monday, and then her talk with FF. I have made it clear to you several times that she is to have no contact with FF. B Has made it clear she wants nothing to do with FF, yet you corner her in a situation where she has no choice but to speak with him. She fears that if she told you no that you would stop coming to see her. When we were talking to B she said well I guess it kind of makes sense a little if mom wants me to see her and FF first. Hear that “IF MOM WANTS ME” not what B wants, not her needs first. If in fact FF, and you, have changed why is it still what FF wants before your daughter? If in fact he has changed so much, what exactly is the harm in B seeing her sisters once a month for 4 hours? If he in fact changed and was sorry and loved her so much why would he still keep her away from her sisters? This does not sound like a man who has changed, or a man that loves her.

The things you BOTH are doing to B does not show remorse or love, it shows something so far from those things, yet you both still do it. Letting her see her sisters is not a separation of FF and his daughters that is the reality that you have a daughter that leads a separate life, should you choose to be a part of her life, then it is HER life you are entering it is not her entering YOUR life. You may want your whole family together Satan, but in reality that is not what B wants. After I quietly listened to B tell me the whole conversation with you and then with FF I asked her one thing, I said if your sisters did not exist would you WANT to see and work things out with FF. She looked at me, smiled a bit and said well NO. I find it funny how the minute I mention taking you to court you all of a sudden want a relationship with B, after you had just written her off. I find it funny that once child support became a reality all of a sudden FF wants to talk to B. My personal opinion is if it were not for child support FF would still not want anything to do with B, and I am sure you would still be out of her life. One of my theories for why you are manipulating her in this way has nothing to do with FF being “sorry” and “loving” B, but has everything to do with child support. I have a serious question to ask you; if I agreed to no longer collect child support from you in exchange for you never seeing B again would you take it? Or if I changed it and said I will suspend child support in exchange for B being able to see her sisters, and a guarantee she would never see FF again, would you take that? This is an honest serious proposition.   

B simply wants to know her sisters, I can not for the life of me, understand how you can feel it is right to keep that form her, dangle them in front of her to entice her to like your husband, that Satan is yet another example of why we are so very protective of B when it comes to all of this.

As her father and her sole physical guardian at this point in B’s life I am put in a position to make a decision, I don’t like to do this, I want B to feel like she has choices and learns how to make the right choices, but she is so easily manipulated by you and so badly wants to see her sisters that she is stuffing away all those hurt, sad, angry feelings in order to achieve this. I know this because she lets all those stuffed away feelings out to us, and we are the ones holding her for two hours while she sobs, and hurts, and hates you, and hates all of this, and worst of all hates that she was ever honest about FF, because if she had just taken it from him then none of this would have ever happened and she could see her sisters. She said something to me on Sunday that will stick with me for a very long time. She told me she hated her life. As a parent this is the worst thing you can hear coming from your child’s mouth. To me this broke my heart, but you will read this and think nothing of it, because you have only shown that you and your husband’s feelings come first and B’s last. You wonder why I have so much “hate in my heart” towards you, it is because your and FF’s actions has caused my daughter unspeakable pain. I love my children, and as a result I can hold no respect for somebody who has caused them so much suffering. As her parent I have to step in at this point and put a stop to this.

B is not allowed to be around FF at this point. Until either she attends some therapy, or we see that she and her feelings are being put first, and she is more emotionally stable on the situation. I will determine when that is based on what B shows us. It would be a very big gesture of change and love for B to be able to see her sisters once a month for 4 hours; this in no way will cause any damage to your daughter’s relationship with FF. I would assume the girls know they have a sister that lives with her dad, so seeing their sister once in a while is not some crazy emotionally harmful event; many many kids out there have the same type of family structure. If you decide that she can see the girls, please give us advanced warning of when you will bring them. If you decide that you still believe she should not see them then we will deal with that as B expresses her feelings about it. And if you decide she can not see them then I ask you, for B sake, do not discuss her sisters with her anymore, as she always comes home very upset after those discussions.

B is NOT allowed to speak to FF. You should have run that by me before you did it. If that happens again, or you continue to hang her sisters over her head in order to manipulate her, we will be going back to supervised phone conversations. If you continue to manipulate her using her sisters to see FF, then I will cut off all communication between you and her. Yes you were awarded to see B two Sundays a month and you can take me back to court, but I am sure Referee M will see your tactics for what they are. I wonder what he would think about you not letting her see her sisters for two years, after he chastised you for that very same decision. I wonder what he will say when you use her sisters as a manipulative bargaining chip in order for her to see FF, who is the last person she ever wants to see, and who her therapist and family members have stated she shouldn’t see him. I wonder what he will think when B asks you what if she doesn’t want to see FF, and your response is she will have to wait until they are 18. When she said she doesn’t want to see FF your response is “well you will just need to wait?”  I no longer want to continue this merry-go-round subject, make your decision and then let’s be done with this.

As for mothers day Satan, just because you are her biological mom doesn’t mean you are the “mom” in her life. N has and always will be the mom she turns to for anything and everything. You really need to earn that title, because you tossed that away long ago when you tossed aside your daughter like trash. You know very little about her life or who she is. You are not the one holding her when she is hurting; in fact you are the one causing these hurt feelings. N has been there for all those things, and N is the one along with me who needs to console her pain caused by her own mother. N knows everything about B in every way. This is what makes a mom, and sorry but you haven’t cut it for many years. The B you see for 8 hours a month is NOT the real B.

Finally you and FF claim to be religious, but what would Jesus or God think of what you are doing to your daughter which according to things you have said or wrote was in His name. Would God/Jesus approve of your and FF’s behavior??

Lately when I close my eyes I have been seeing the same thing over and over again? The vision and the nightmares which follow always remains the same. When I close my eyes it starts out with blackness with vague splashes of white light. Soon the flashes of light disappear and there is nothing except the dark. I walk endlessly in this darkness making out formless shadows, until I see a flicker of light in the farthest of backgrounds. I walk towards this light until I can just make out the vision of a chair and a television. I cannot see what is on the television but I can see the faint splashes of color. I walk towards this chair and television, but somehow it seems like I am not even moving. The image seems to stay at the exact distance no matter how far I travel. Eventually I tire of the journey and fall asleep.

Over the last few weeks I have been having the most horrendous nightmares night after night. The nightmares are always different but share two common themes. The first theme is I die in every one of them. Prior to this most recent rash of dreams I always believed it was impossible to die in a dream, but I now know this to not be the case. The way I die is different from dream to dream, but the feeling and sensation I experience are exactly the same. Once I die I experience nothingness, just pitch black then a terrifying void of nonexistence. I immediately wake up in a panic with my body dripping with sweat.

The other common theme is the man who is in my dreams. I feel I should give a brief history of this man since he has been with me since I was ten. I was in the fifth grade and living with my grandma at the time when one night I had the most frightening dream. I remember this night and the subsequent events which followed me like it was just yesterday. The brief synopsis of the dream went like this.

We just moved into this new house and while we were given the tour by the realtor we came across this metal door with six locks. Along with these six locks were an additional six pad locks. We asked the man if he had the keys to this door. He chuckled and said “no but there is nothing in there and we had no need to not go in there.” I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. As I was walking down the hall I crossed the door and all locks were undone and the door was slightly opened. I had this sense of fear with a sense of curiosity. I opened the door and entered the room. What I saw next is burned into my mind. The room was empty and cold. The walls were covered in blood with designs and various different phrases. In the center of the room there was a man sitting in a chair with his back turned to me. The man was rocking back and forth, and mumbling words I couldn’t understand. I could see his hair it was long, black and greasy. All of a sudden with a blink of an eye the chair turns around and this man is staring at me with his cold black eyes. He gets out of his chair and runs towards me grabbing me by my shoulders and says “dead is better.” I awoke immediately and as I turned to look at the door I could see the man standing there saying “dead is better.”

I was in such intense fear I went straight away to wake my grandma up. I remember that entire morning I was shivering and I wouldn’t leave my grandma’s side. The following nights I was afraid to fall asleep in fear of having a reoccurring dream about this man. Since that night I have had nightmares about this man. He is the personification of evil. There have even been times I have thought I have seen or heard him during the day. I remember this one time I thought I saw him during class. I remember freaking out because I thought I saw him outside. I was so afraid I made an embarrassing scene in class. It has been years since I have dreamt about this man; now I dream about him every night, and when I awake I can still hear him speaking to me.

I am currently trying to learn Latin, and so far it has proven to be a daunting task, especially if you are trying to learn it on your own. I really wish I could afford Rosetta Stone. I have visited a few websites, and downloaded some books, but I am still having trouble with the language. So far I am able to say and understand the first four verses of the gospel of John. In my studies I have discovered that much of the English language has origins in Latin. With that being said I stumbled upon something very interesting. I noticed that the Latin word for “I” is “ego.” This was sort of an ah-ha moment for me.

My greatest enemy in life is my ego. In all my study and meditation on the Tao Te Ching I have discovered how harmful ego can be. It is literally destroying my marriage, and my life. I did a post a while back on “pride.” According to Pope Gregory I pride is the most damaging of the seven deadly sins. I am prideful to a fault, but after some advice from Rambling http://ramblingtaoist.blogspot.com/ I now believe pride comes from my ego. I try my best to live and follow the Tao but I question my dedication. I can read a verse and see the light contained within, but when it comes down to actually living it I fall way to short.

I think I live my life with too much “I” in it. I have admitted to myself and in therapy that I am a selfish person who thinks of himself first and foremost. It makes me sad when I actually verbalize this, because then it makes it so real. The question is how do I turn “ego” into “tu?” I wish I had the answer for this question. I think my selfishness is a built in defense mechanism; developed over time in my life. Which leads to another question; am I am just saying this as an excuse for my behavior? Am I taking ownership yet at the same time transferring blame?

There is nothing I hate more than self reflection. It is by far the most painful procedure I can endure. I have caused far too much hurt in my 31 years of existence, and very little joy. To say and realize this is an agonizing state of affairs. I dread this process; instead of facing it I just run to the hills. I wish there was a God I could pray to asking him/her to alter the past, but sadly even God cannot change the past. The devil can now frolic in my fields of sin. I am stuck with these sins for the rest of my life, and no amount of washing them in holy water will wash away the blood of damaged lives.

For better or worse I must reap what I have sown. I must live in these prison walls I have created. My misery is of my own doing, and karma is a bitch. My life of ego will never lead to a life of amor et gauisus peractio.

“I don’t really trust a sane person.”
Lyle Alzado

Which is worse a man in the midst of insanity or the man who is under control and sane? I love this quote because it asks us to examine this question. At first you might say to yourself that the insane man is by far more dangerous, but is this true? Yes I think society has taught us to fear the insane, and trust the sane. I know full well the psyche of the insane; because I live it everyday. I do think however the more dangerous of the two is a man who is sane. I am not condemning the sane; I am simply saying they are harder to trust. At least you know what you are getting with someone who is a little wacky. If you understand the illness you will come to understand the behaviors. These behaviors become predictable and routine cycles. Sane people on the other hand are extremely unpredictable. They are able to plot diabolical schemes capable of harming millions of people.

I will use President Bush as an example. He may be simple minded, but he is not insane, even the evil overseer of Mr. Bush Dick Cheney by all definitions would be considered sane. These two men along with all their “sane” republican friends were responsible for immeasurable amounts of crazy shit. The war in Iraq was perpetrated by lies in order to gain support to start a war. They enacted such laws as the Patriot Act which in essence caused a piece of our freedom to be striped away from us. Because of this they are able to invade our privacy at the drop of a hat. Because of the war we have wasted trillions of dollars and caused the deaths of thousands of American troops and uncountable amounts of death to our enemies. Because of “sane” men and women our economy has completely crumbled, and our leaders actually passed a bill to bailout the very banks that were responsible for our downfall. These same “sane” leaders have allowed our government to be taken over by big business.

At least for those of us who are clinically insane we can take medicine to manage our symptoms. This same thing can not be said about the sane. There is nothing that can be done for those who lets say are so consumed with greed they would come up with a ponzi scheme to take billions of dollars away from unsuspecting people. An insane man could simply not come up with such an elaborate and organized scheme. I will not deny there are those who are criminally insane, and yes I could not see myself trusting them, but at least I can tell who they are. I am sure if I met Charles Manson on the street I would know I am up against a crazy fucker and should stay far away from him. The same can not be said about meeting Dick Cheney. If I were to just meet him on the street I would think he is some normal great guy, completely unaware of the evil inside of him.

Because of this uncertainty I just can’t bring myself to trust a sane person. They can easily hide their evil side, and their hidden agendas. There is no medication to take away their greed and corruption. I even believe many of the murderers out there would be considered by all medical definitions sane. I think as a society we need to label these individuals as “insane” to make us feel safe and more in control of our lives. The downfall of our society is not by the hands of the loonies walking the streets, but the “normal” men and woman perpetrating evil inside our government.

Lyle Alzado was an NFL defensive lineman. He was famous for his intense and intimidating style of play. He played 15 seasons, splitting his time between the Denver Broncos, Cleveland Browns and most famously the Los Angeles Raiders, with whom he won a championship in Super Bowl XVIII. Alzado was one of the first major athletes to admit to using steroids. He died after a battle with brain cancer in 1992 at the age of 43. He retired in 1985 so I was not old enough to remember watching him play. He was one of the players of his era who defined the role of a defensive lineman.

I was flying on such a wonderful happy streak. It was fantastic to wake up in the morning and be excited to see what the day would bring. It was great not sweating the small stuff. It was fantastic to have a smile on my face. It was glories how I was interacting with my family. My kids were happier seeing me happier. These things were so great, and it sustained day after day. This happiness I have been feeling has left me alone and allowed the darkness back in.

There were some bumps I had during my happy streak, but I was so easily able to just let them shed away. Now it seems everything is the end of the world. I hate feeling this way, I just can not stand it. This pain is so deep and painful I can hardly breathe. I feel like I am going to vomit. I just want it to all end. I think what makes this one so bad, is the time I have had between depressions. It is like I have forgotten what my second home feels like.

It was only a matter of time before the darkness welcomed me home. Why was I so stupid to think the night would never come? This fucking place! His cold hands have taken me home. The fucked up thing is I will never be able to write about everything, I will not be able to speak about this place he leads me to. This is his home, and I do not like it in here.

Many of us walk through our daily lives; accepting things as they are. We shuffle out of our beds, our jobs, the store, to our homes, watch television, and then back to bed. We wake up and relive the same thing the next day. We accept and become complacent with our lives, our government, and the world around us. We accept things the way they are; even if we do not agree with it. Living by motto’s such as “what can I do,” “its not my problem,” “I just don’t want to get involved.” It is this burnt out acceptance our country thrives off of. The powers that be; do not want us to look at our lives under a microscope, or have the energy to fight for change.

There are people in this country who are unemployed and cannot support their families. There are those individuals who are losing their homes. Many of our major metropolitan areas and suburbs are swarming with the hungry and homelessness. We accept our schools turning to shit especially in low economic communities, , we accept our government selling the people out to big business, we accept no true universal healthcare, we accept getting screwed by insurance companies, we accept war, we accept the deterioration of morals and ethics within our country, we accept these things and so much more.

We feel these things are so large and daunting they will never change. It is this acceptance and compliancy which keeps us from truly changing the world and bettering the lives of ourselves, as well as those in our country that need it. How can we expect these things to improve if we do nothing? It is possible to change our society if people actually acted when they notice social evils and misfortune. If everyone stood up to the things which hold us down it will gradually change until the problem is solved

There numerous levels of human suffering we can never truly know, nor do we take the time to recognize or acknowledge them. It is a form of societal denial or sweeping things under the proverbial rug. There are worlds within worlds where violence and suffering are the norm. Hunger and homelessness, we wish it was not there, and we may feel bad about it, yet we turn our back on those who are suffering and experiencing hardships. We think of ourselves first, and our neighbors last. We live by the motto’s “it is not my problem,” “what can I do about it?” “I just don’t want to get involved.”

It’s sad; we accept we are where we are and choose to do nothing about it. This thinking only contributes to destruction of our society, as well as keeps our political process from offering any real change to the people.

The facts are we can do something about it. We can if we make ourselves aware of the human suffering going on in our country, and the social and economical shackles we as a people are in and all we need to do is open our eyes and try. If you started today the pay it forward concept, and those who you helped paid it forward our country would change. If the Tea Baggers can unit together for the greater evil, then why can’t we band together for the greater good?

What do you think?

Check out my website to read more on what you can do. www.thephilosophyofme.com under the “American Republic Movement” tab

Two days ago I posted a blog entry on this site  from my website  www.thephilosophyofme.com. The entry was a philosophical entry inspired from one of my many favorite quotes from Edward Abbey.

“A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.”

I wrote about how important it was for Americans to open their eyes and see how our government continually lets us down. Our Constitution opens up with “WE the People.” This country has completely lost this meaning. WE continue to elect officials who are “in it for themselves,” because of this we get what we vote for. I know there are honest politicians who generally want to move this country forward. These honest officials are over matched by their peers, and their opportunity to make real progress is lost in the Capital Hill status quo.

In my post the other day I received some comments from my favorite and most active reader; The Rambling Taoist (he can be read at ramblingtaoist.blogspot.com I highly recommend his blog.) He informed me, that with all the bullshit in politics it is a futile dream to expect real change. He spent 15 years of his life, trying to make such change and came up empty.

My response was quoting him the famous Taoist saying “A thousand mile journey begins with a single step.” He gave me such advice on a different issue a few weeks back. I feel the American people have been so indoctrinated into being consumer slaves, they become complacent with life and the status quo. If WE were able to form as a people; over time WE would take our country back.

I would give up my longshot dream of becoming a full-time writer to know one day this dream would become a reality. I would love to be alive to see this day, but if it took 75 years I would be at peace with the outcome. To know I was a part of making OUR country great again would be the greatest honor.

I know there are people in this country who feel the same way, but they suffer from the concept of “what can I as an individual do?” I am confident if enough people would listen and see the truth they would stand up and demand they be served by their elected officials.

If WE look through history all great empires crumble. If WE truly see where are country has gone, WE can see… history will repeat itself. Our country began deteriorating from within long ago, and because of lack of knowledge the people of this country have allowed it to happen. It is because of greed and the pursuit of the all mighty dollar; our country has fallen apart while other countries have grown and prospered. WE are hated around the globe, and WE have no one to blame but ourselves.

The Peoples Republic should be self funded by the people. We should have no need to accept money from those who are determined to destroy this once great nation. WE need to start at the state level and begin electing those who are for the people. WE need to work ourselves up from the lowest positions until we have moved and taken over the highest positions. This can be accomplished if we band together and form as one. I can guarantee once the two evils see real change is coming they will have no choice but to straighten their crooked paths less they be forced out of power.

WE can no longer elect charlatans who run their campaigns on lies and empty promises. How much longer can WE as a nation continue down this same old path? How many times are we going to fall for these hollow words. The majority of America (the dying middle class) have given up on the prospect of change; so much so they have refused to even vote. The right of voting is crucial to our government, yet the ones who vote are the corrupted church, the wealthy, and the uneducated who continue to believe lies.

It is coming together,  standing in unity, and striving for change. Our forefathers had the strength to stand up to their oppressors, and built our country around ensuring this type of oppression never happens again. If it does they gave us the right to stand against it. We can no longer stand by and let our given freedoms be taken from us. Unity and courage will result in rebuilding this once great country. Whether it takes 5 or 75 years, we have the power to make a change, if we only have the courage to change it.

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

Edward Abbey

***This post was taken from my website www.thephilosophyofme.com  ***

I love this quote, and feel it speaks loudly to where we are in our current society. The government which is supposed to be governing its people is corrupt on every level. This country is no longer for the people; it is for the rich and the special interests. We the people have lost our voice; we have lost our freedom.

What amazes me is so many people are blind to how badly they are getting fucked. They go about their daily lives working so hard to support their families, and consumed with greed and the notion they need to keep up with the Joneses by owning useless shit. We are so overworked; we have no time to really see what is going on in this country. There are some people who may watch the 24 hour news stations, but who is to say if the information we are receiving is true?

Fox News is a perfect example of government controlled media, when the fuck head was in office Fox News had nothing but good things to say about him and his policies. The minute Obama came into office all of a sudden everything which is wrong in this country is his entire fault. The sad thing is people eat this shit up.

We believe what the media tells us; this media brainwashing begins when we are kids. The media shapes us, and our public schools contribute in shaping us into faceless consumer tools. We become blind to the truth, and take it up the ass.

The government we currently have is so fucked up, and destructive to the peoples well being. Even if we had a president who truly wanted to make this country better, he/she would be stone walled in the Senate or by Congress. The liars are so intertwined, and the two parties who are both corrupt in their own right, can never agree on anything, so everything remains the same. We can experience no real progress. Because of this the people suffer, and we allow this to happen.

Our Declaration of Independence states that we the people have the right to overthrow a tyrannical government; it states.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government,”

The problem is no one will ever stand up. In reality how could we? The liers and swine have everything so locked up and controlled there is no way the people could even revolt. Our only hope is if the people stand together, and we start electing people into office who are actually for the people. I am not talking about Republican, Democrat, or Independents. We need to create a completely different party. We need to create ‘The Peoples Republic,” and bring this country back to what it was meant to be a Republic, which is for the people by the people. If enough people read this and believe as I do please e-mail me at thephilosophyofme@yahoo.com. Change starts with one simple step.

I feel compelled to do a quick Satan update, because I am just steaming over her manipulation and terror. This Sunday was her visitation with my daughter, (in case you are new, she sees her two Sunday’s a month for four hours.) Satan texted me last week, and asked if she could keep her until 8:45pm last night. I figured I would use this time to ask her some questions, which she had been ignoring me on.

I texted her awhile back because she is not paying her part of the therapy bill. I can no longer send my daughter to therapy, because Satan’s half of the bill is getting larger, and if she chooses not to pay then the therapist will start collection proceeding on me. I also asked her if she was going to let her see her sisters soon. It has been 1 year and 3 months since she had last seen them.

I waited and waited with no response. I texted her again and asked her if she was going to ignore me yet again. She texted me back saying her daughter threw up in the car, and she could not respond. She said is that okay with me, clearly being sarcastic. I texted her back, and said that is fine, but if you have time to text me a rude response then you can text me the answers to my question.

About an hour later she texted me and said when and if she pays the therapist is none of my business, and neither is when she allows my daughter to see her sisters. At this point I am fuming with hate and anger. I respond and say it is my business whether or not she pays the therapist, and it is my business when she lets her see her sisters because I am her caretaker and it affects her negatively. Her response was what her and fuck face do with their daughters is none of my business. I did not respond, I did not give her an answer on whether she could keep her until 8:45.

The hate in me wanted to tell her that the court order states she can only have her until 8pm and that is what I am going to enforce. I did not do this because the person I would be hurting most would be my daughter. I figured even if I said she could not keep her she would anyway. Sunday was a school night, and I was not happy about it since my daughter would be rushed to get her nighttime duties done and would be tired for the next day.

Well 8:45 came and went, and they were not here. My daughter called my wife and told her they were lost and would be late; she sounded upset. She got home around 9:40 and immediately asked if she was going to see her therapist on Tuesday. We had to inform her that she can not see her therapist, due to finances. She said she was upset and wanted to talk to someone. She feels most comfortable talking to my wife since she has been more of a mother to her than her real mom.

She stated that she did not like how her mom always ends their visits with something sad. She said that Satan asked her if she felt comfortable with Fuck Face and her sisters being there next mothers day. Satan immediately said, nevermind you are not ready. This upset my daughter because she does not want to see Tim, and she is afraid to say anything negative towards her mom. She fears if she says anything bad then her mom will stop seeing her again.

The fucked up thing is Satan will not allow my daughter to see her sisters unless Fuck Face is with. She is using her sisters as a bargaining chip. The only way she can see them, is if she sees him. My daughter is petrified of this man and wants nothing to do with him, but so desperately wants to see her sisters. I know eventually she will crack and agree to this, or Satan will just show up on her visitation time with Fuck Face. I do know one thing, I will deny any visitation involving her step-dad.

I just hate how much pain this woman is causing my daughter. The sickest thing is she is her mother, and she knows what she is doing is causing her immense pain. I can not imagine trying to do one of my children like that. Things were so much better when this douche was not around. My daughter was finally becoming strong and happy. Ever since Satan showed up in January and wanted to see her again, my daughter has gone downhill.

The only reason her mom is in her life is because I took her to court to get full custody and child support. Once they saw I was seeking child support they suddenly wanted to see her again. I know the only reason Fuck Face wants to see her is so he can intimidate her to start spending every other weekend at their house so they can decrease child support. This shit disgusts me to no end. I want so badly to just sit my daughter down and show her all the texts I have saved. I want to try to show her that her mom does not care about her; she only cares about not paying child support. This poor little girl tries so hard to get her mom to truly love and care about her. The saddest part is she will never get that.

I am still waiting for the court’s decision on this matter. When we went to court the judge was clearly pissed at her mothers behavior, and called her out. The whole thing seemed so cut and dry. I figured a decision would come very quickly. We went to court on March 3rd and still nothing. My fear is by the time the judge revisits the paperwork, the actual court hearing will be a distant memory. He has 90 days to make his decision, so I think that means we should have a decision in no more than three weeks.