Archive for the ‘Fun’ Category

What We Learn From Failed Relationships

Posted: May 27, 2014 in Absolute Truth, Abuse, Anxiety, Arguments, Blog, Blogging, Change, Childhood, Children, Coping, Crisis, Culture, Dating, Debates, Depression, Diary, Dilemma, Divorce, Dreams, Emotional Abuse, Ethics, Evil, Faith, Family, Fatherhood, Fear, Forgiveness, Freedom, Fun, Greed, Grief, Growing up in abusive homes, Health, Humor, Inside My Mind, Journal, Kids, Learning, Lies and broken promises, Life, Lists, Living Your Dream, Logic, Love, Lust, Marriage, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Misc, miscellaneous, Moral Theories, Morals, Motivation, Mourning, NA, Opinion, Pain, Parent, Parenting, Personal, Philosophy, Poems, Poetry, Published Author, Quotes, Random, Random Thoughts, Rants, Rejection, Relationship Issues, Relationships, Sadness, Self-esteem, Self-Help, Self-image, Social Anxiety, Social Debates, Society, Sorrow, Spirituality, Stress, Suffering, The Invention of Lying, The Philosophy of Lyrics, The Philosophy of Quotes, Things That Give Me Anxiety, Thoughts, Top Ten Lists, Uncategorized, Unity, Verbal Abuse, Writing
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I would first like to start off by thanking all of my readers and subscribers. I learned today; I have readers from 61 different countries. I think that’s pretty bad ass. I am aware that my readership grew from the topics of philosophy, theology, and madness. So bear with me as I stray a bit from those topics. Today I would like to release that which has been permeating in my mind. I would like ponder for a moment the importance of learning from our mistakes in a failed relationship. Through all of this I am trying to maintain a positive attitude and outlook. So here we go.

The one thing I can say with out a doubt is I am far from sainthood. I have made my more than my fair share of mistakes, and bad decisions which played a role in the overall destruction of my marriage. I am ashamed and consumed with intense guilt because of this. This combined with my wife’s lies, and infidelity has allowed me to see the light. I am sure I could write a 200 page paper on this topic, but I will try to keep this short and sweet.

There are 10 main things I have learned in my failed marriage. Now mind you there are far more than 10, but as I said this is not a 200 page dissertation on my failed marriage. I will do my best to not place blame, because it doesn’t do anyone any good. Some things on this list will undoubtedly overlap, even though this is the case I feel each one deserves to be mentioned. Without further ado here is my list of 10 things I learned from my failed marriage.

  1. Never Lie: I did a lot of research after I found out about what my wife did. I learned that in humans our first response when we know we have done something wrong, that will ultimately lead to a negative outcome our immediate response is to lie. We do this for two reasons one we want to avoid conflict, and two we don’t want to get in trouble. Since I am a proponent of the tabula rasa theory (mind being born as a blank slate.) I feel this is a trait we learn as children, which carries over into adulthood. Lying to your partner no matter how small is a terrible idea. We can overcome this childish trait, by knowing our partner as well as ourselves, focus on understanding and know that mistakes are actually learning opportunities.
  2. Never Cheat: I think this one doesn’t need further explanation. It’s a painful and shitty thing to do to those we love. Even if (insert some attractive famous person) wanted to be with you, nothing is worth hurting the one you love.
  3. Trust: it should go without saying that if the two things listed above are followed then trust shouldn’t be an issue. Unfortunately we all carry the baggage of past hurt, what we need to realize is who ever we are with now is not the person who caused us hurt in the past. I would imagine it would be a good idea to be open and honest about these past hurts. A relationship that is not built on trust is like trying to build a house of cards on a windy day, neither of these two examples will be successful. The perfect advice one can give in fostering trust in a relationship is this; if you would not say or do something if your partner was there with you, then you definitely shouldn’t do it.
  4. Accept and Love Each Other For All Their Good Qualities, As Well As Their Flaws: let’s admit it people, no one is perfect, and those who claim to be are probably the most screwed up of them all. Initially I am sure that we all fall in love with our mates good qualities. During the “courting” or “honeymoon” phase of a relationship, it is kind of like interviewing for a job, you really are not being completely honest your just trying to get the “job.” As the relationship progresses and begins to become serious is usually when we start to notice each others flaws. The important thing is that we learn to love that person regardless of their flaws. In fact I believe our flaws can become the most exciting part of a relationship. When you love the good qualities along with the flaws you know you have found true love; when everything seems to fit like a glove.
  5. Never Put Your Partner Down and Break Their Will: this topic has a lot to do with item number four. There are just two things I would like to add. The first is from an article by John Gottman, PhD in an article titled “4 Signs of A Troubled Marriage” Here is the link.http://affiliatedpsychologicalservices.com/4-signs-of-a-troubled-marriage/ Gottman talks about “The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse” which are clear signs you are headed for a divorce. The first two he brings up is “Criticism” and “Contempt.” If anyone out there grew up in an abusive home where as a child you were faced with these two horsemen, having to deal with such things in a marriage is a key ingredient in a divorce. If you tell someone something negative about them enough times, with the right amount of nastiness it is only natural the other party will believe what they are being told, and inevitable this is who they will see when they look into the mirror. I don’t think people are aware of how serious the long term damage can be. My second point comes from a line from the song “Weight of The World” by Blue October. “Don’t bother changing things that won’t give into changing.” It is one thing to help your partner grow and become the best person they can be, but in the process don’t try to change who they are inside. If you are hell bent on trying to force someone to change, there is always medication. If this is your goal please take to heart one of my quotes “Medication is to fix the people we don’t like.” If you feel you need to medicate your partner, it’s time to call it quits.
  6. Freedom: As your relationship grows, it is imperative that you do not take away your partners freedom. When I say freedom I am not referring to allowing your partner to go out all the time neglecting the relationship, and engaging in behaviors which fall into the first three categories I listed. When I say freedom, I say that it is clearly healthy to share and be with each other, but it is also healthy to have a respectful life outside of the relationship. I have made this deadly mistake in one of my relationships, and I have now been on the receiving end of how damaging smothering and isolating your partner can be. If your relationship is built on a strong foundation of trust and respect this should be something you encourage each other to do. I have always admired the relationship between my best friend of 26 years and his lovely wife. I will not mention names, but I truly hope one day I can figure out whatever their secret is, and apply it to my future relationships. I am going to encourage them to write a book.
  7. Support Their Dreams: There is nothing more precious and sacred than some ones hopes and dreams. For some our dreams appear to us when we are young, others do not fully realize their dreams until they discover who they are. When I was young I had the normal boyhood dreams to become a professional football or baseball player, unfortunately like normal boys those dreams were not meant to be. Beyond those two options, I really didn’t have anything else that drove or inspired me, until the 5th grade. Long story short I ended up doing many writing assignments and I remember my teacher signing my year book, saying she could one day see something I have written being published. I was not a very well behaved child, so positive reinforcement from the teachers I tormented was rare, but from that moment my dream changed. I wanted to become a professional writer. As I grew older I held onto this dream, and wrote in private. I never thought anything I would write would be read let alone published. Again long story short one of my poetry books was published, I started this blog, wrote two children’s books, and two other poetry books. Needless to say this was the greatest I had ever felt about myself, because I accomplished something I never thought I could… my dream. I did not receive support from my partner, and in fact was highly put down and discouraged from continuing to write, until finally I had no option but to stop writing. The details behind this are not important at this moment.
  8. Open & Honest Communication: You would think this is a no brainier, but for my marriage and I would imagine many others this proved to be too challenging to overcome and sowed the seeds to our divorce. I feel if you have all seven of these things listed above then number eight would be a given, but if you take out one or two of the above it makes communication a challenge. I avoided and ran away from open and honest communication. I could make a laundry list for why, but this is already becoming too long of a post. Mainly I was afraid to honestly look in the mirror, I was scared I was going to receive an unhealthy dose of items four and five. Regardless of those reasons it is on me for failing in this aspect of our marriage. I need to take ownership for this, and like everything listed learn to not make the same mistakes. It is very difficult and challenging for me to be social, and communicate even with those closest to me. I know this is something I need to work on, but what always ends up playing over and over in my mind is the Pink Floyd lyrics from the song “The Final Cut” which I will add at the end.
  9. Be A Selfless Lover: This is actually one area where I have and feel the most accomplished. I felt I needed to add this, because in my experience men in general put their intimacy needs, or the final “outcome” before their partners. I will not go into detail in case my mom is reading this, but as men our primary focus and goal when it comes to being intimate is placing our partners needs before ourselves. Any man can do his business and be on his way, but this is a man who has failed. When it comes to intimacy your only goal and desire should be the feelings and ultimate “outcome” of your partners needs. Everything else should be secondary.
  10. Find Your Genuine Light: Tomorrow I am going to post a quick poem describing the meaning behind this comment. I do not believe in soul mates. I do not believe there is only one true love for everyone. I believe for everyone, there exists many individuals who could be considered your genuine light. I believe they are rare, but they are out there. My advice is if you feel you are holding your genuine light, don’t let them slip away because you cannot be certain another one will come around to light up your life.

 

“And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?”

Pink Floyd

These lyrics describe perfectly why it is so difficult for me to open up to people, which hinders my ability to effectively communicate.

In my lifetime I have had many embarrassing moments, many of these moments are funny to me now, but were devastating to me at the time. I would like to share a few of these embarrassing moments to hopefully bring a smile to your face, at my expense of course! As a child and teenager I tried so hard to fit in and be popular. In this quest I have done some silly stuff in the name of popularity. Many of these moments took place when I was younger.

In the 90’s Guess jeans were really popular. My older sister, Traci, had a pair of these “cool” jeans, however I did not. When it came to name brand clothes we often went without. I went to school in Bloomington were popularity was based off what you had, or in my case what you did not have.  The night before school I was getting my clothes ready for the next day and I saw Traci’s “cool” jeans sitting on her floor. I secretly took them and put them in my room for the next day. I woke up the next morning and pulled on these “cool” guess jeans. Ya they were tight, but that was how Traci wore them so that was cool, right?!?!? I specifically tucked in my t-shirt so that you could see the Guess triangle on my butt!! I swaggered my ass to school thinking I was the shit. Not too long into my school day some random kid came up to me and said, why are you wearing girl jeans….boys have green triangles and girls had red. I was mortified. How the hell was I supposed to know that there was gender color Guess jeans. I un-tucked my t-shirt to hide the shame of a red triangle on my ass!!! Stupid name brand clothes.

I wanted to do my hair for school, it was a bit longer and it was always just boring. I saw other boys my age with gelled hair. My mom said she would help me style my hair in the morning for school. We woke up, got out the gel and hairspray, and went to town. She gelled the sides back, sculpted the top, it stood  up and then leaned to the side, then she sprayed the shit out of my hair with that aerosol cement hairspray. I trusted my mommy when she said I looked so good. Off to school I went with my fresh new hairstyle. Apparently the other kids did not agree with my mommy and they thought I looked like I had Elvis Presley hair. I bowed my head in shame and tried to make it thru the day ignoring the laughter. Thanks mom J

Boys will be boys, especially pre-pubescent boys who watch late night TV infomercials for FREE phone calls to beautiful women who will talk to them…… it said it was FREE!! So, when I could, I would sneak into my sister’s room cuddle up on her water bed, and call my new friends who had very nice and interesting messages for me.  IT WAS FREE the commercials said…. Until the day my mom opened the phone bill and there was a $3000.00 bill for overseas phone calls. The worst part is being a 12 year old boy having to tell your mom that you called phone sex lines…. Sorry mom!!

Vanilla Ice was very popular at this time; because of him it was radical to shave signs or letters into your head. So Traci being the 16 year old cool sister said she could shave my initials in the back of my head for me. I thought she was so awesome and could do anything, including shaving letters in the back of heads, silly me. So she proceeded to take the shaver out and shave “TL” in my head. I was pumped, now the popular kids who danced to Vanilla Ice would accept me. I got up looked in the mirror and she had shaved what looked like a house in my head!!! I told Traci it did not look like TL, she assured me from the back it was just fine, she told me it was cool. I foolishly believed her and proceeded to go to school like this. Note, never believe your older sister when she says she can make you look cool!!! Ya, you guessed it I was ridiculed in school, no Vanilla Ice kids danced with me that day.

Remember when Reebok pumps were really popular. All the popular boys had them, and I am pretty sure that is how they got all the popular girls. I begged my mom to get me some of these awesome pumps. She finally conceded and went to buy me some Pumps. Low and behold she found a deal, shoes that had a pump on them, but were not the actual Reebok pumps. Who would know the difference right! When she got home I was a bit disappointed but I agreed with my all knowing mom, who would know the difference. Once again I saunter to school thinking I am now the “shit”. Guess what, people knew the difference. Boys came up to me, squeezed my fake pump and said “Hey Tim are they pumping your feet up, are they , are they pumping up?” then they laughed…don’t worry I am working this out in therapy!!

I hit a point in my preteen years that I thought I was “gangster” , ya hard to believe, right!!  So I wore the baggy sagging jeans, the big sweatshirts, and the Starter brand jackets. And yes, I walked with a gangsta’ limp!! But the best part was my white slip on ked tennis shoes that I proceeded to draw gang signs on. This was the year my wife and I met and became friends.  She would come over to my place, point, laugh, and ridicule me for the gangster signs on my shoes. I really thought it was cool, but I also thought baggy pants and Starter jackets were cool, so my cool-dar was not spot on!!

These are but some of my embarrassing moments as a child, believe me there are many more. In my quest to be cool in the end I always seemed to look like a fool.

  1. Grabbing a gat and going rat a tat tat is the proper way to solve a problem.
  2. When contemplating money it is advised to roll down the street and smoke Indo while sipping on some gin and juice. This is guaranteed to make you laid back.
  3. Apparently to have a “good day” you must not see a jacker, there must be no helicopters looking for a murder, and not having to use my AK. According to this I have NEVER had a good day.
  4. I have learned to respect all those who break their neck to keep their hoes in check.
  5. I think I am lonely because I keep renewing my membership into sharing Other Peoples Property. I have to remember there is no room for relationships there’s only room to hit it. I just wish this membership had an insurance plan for STD’s.
  6. I will throw my hands in the air from time-to-time just to remind my co-workers I am a true playa.
  7. To get the biatches you must: creep from behind, ask who you want to be with, what your interests are, what number to dial, then tell them I am going to call my crew..they should call their crew, then we will rendezvous… then at the rendezvous tell the ladies that they should be havin’ my babies.
  8. I try my hardest to not get my monkey ass played by hanging out with a true crew down with the coochie bang.
  9. I learned complex mathematic riddles such as: Do I have enough hands If I were to have my hands on a sawed off shotgun hand on the pump. My left hand is on the forty where I am puffin on a blunt, while simultaneously pumping said shotgun.
  10. It feels good to be a gangsta for the following reasons:
  • They always have a hip cap
  • They think deep
  • They are us 365 a year 24/7
  • Bitches look at them as a stop sign
  • They hit switches in a black six-fo

Couples have vices they keep from their partners from time-to-time; some small and innocent, others major and destructive. They do this because the other one simply doesn’t understand the importance of this vice to the other one. Most men will hide the fact they like to watch porn and do the deed. For others it may be food, drugs, alcohol, or shopping. I am no different then these other people except my vice are energy drinks. I simply love them! The taste is phenomenal and I love the small pep they bring. These beverages are truly a gift from above. I applaud the makers of Redbull for introducing the world to the glorious possibilities energy drinks bring.  

The reason energy drinks are my shameful little secret is because my wife has a very stern stance on the beneficial and ritualistic nature of these drinks. I am not really sure why she has developed a disdain for these products.  She used to have no problems with me purchasing these items; I mean c’mon my drink of choice has always been vodka Redbulls. I do not understand her change of thought on this topic; I think it is from my moms endless speeches about how these drinks are bad for you (thanks mom.) I have now had to resort to getting these drinks anytime I venture out by myself, and quickly drink them before I get home. She knows I do this just like most woman know their husbands spank it to porn. She accepts that I will do this, and understands it is a necessary evil.

To a point I understand why she has made this stand. I am a creature of habit and routine. If my routine gets altered even a little bit I am overcome with stress and anxiety; causing me to become uber agitated. If I were to have an energy drink in the morning it wouldn’t be long until it becomes an everyday habit. I frankly do not see any issue with this, because it would be awesome to start my day off with a coffee and a few hours later savior a tasty treat. She is also under the impression these drinks are horrible for my health (thanks mom.) Here is another concept of this I disagree with. I understand I am on a boatload of meds, but these meds are far more destructive to my health and wellbeing than a daily energy drink.

I will try from time-to-time to slip an energy drink by her in the morning but I am always met with disapproval. I really wanted to try a five hour energy shot today to see what all the hype is about, but didn’t want to waste my time with the debate. I do not understand the appeal of porn, and I am emotionally scarred over masturbating. I do not hide food, because frankly could I get any worse. I stay as far away from shopping as possible. If it were up to me I would shop us into the poor house. There are certain things in a marriage you just concede on because a debate is not worth the hassle. I disagree with her but I respect her stance, which is why I hide drinking them in shame.

In between projects, when feel uncreative I work on my upcoming book “The Life and Mind of No One Special.” This requires me to go back and edit my old posts and transfer them over into book form. In going back and reading these old posts I am stunned by how shitty they were written. I am almost ashamed I published these posts as they were, and I am even more surprised people have come back again to read it.

I started this blog back in January as a way to help keep my creativity juices flowing. I never really thought anyone would read it, so I just vomited all over the computer keys with my poorly thought posts. I have and still do write my posts during my lunch break; not a ton of thought goes into what I am going to write about. Something will come to my mind and I just go with it. I do not research my topic, nor do I go back and edit what I have written. Like I said earlier I never thought anyone would even see it.

I still follow this guideline; except now through practice I have learned a few things about writing. I still do not feel my writing is good especially when I read some of these talented writers out here. I have no formal writing training; I was not really around for school so basic sentence structure escapes me. My vocabulary is weak and I have no concept of grammar. This becomes apparent to me when I read posts by “The Rambling Taoist.” His ability to write is just mesmerizing. I like to think with another nine months of writing I will continue to get better. I know I have a long way to go, but I think it is a good sign I am able to see fault in my early posts.

I have thought about taking writing classes at my local community college; but this would simply not work. I do not have the time or the money to commit to such a thing. I know starting from square one and building on the basics would help me. I could always go enroll in my son’s elementary school, since public schools are free. I could just skip all my other classes. I don’t know what kind of role model I would be for my classmates and besides the principle would probably report me to the school cop for being truant. I could go purchase a writing or grammar book for dummies. The problem is when I try to read all the words become jumbled and it is hard for me to comprehend the material.

I just can’t figure out how to get better without knowing the basics. I think this is why I enjoy writing poetry because I can write anyway I want. I have had people praise and condemn me because I do not follow traditional poetry guidelines. The only poetry form I know is haikus. Beyond that I have nothing. I don’t think there should be guidelines or structure when it comes to poetry. I think poetry should be an open art form, and can be written exactly how the author intended it to be. I have found when painted in a box I cannot write for shit. This is why I enjoy this blog so much because there is no structure. This is a jumbled mess of random thoughts spewing from my brain. These two mediums define me as a person.

Statistics show people who say “at least I have my health,” are nine times more likely to get cancer.

If I could learn how to play any guitar; it would be one with strings.

A high five a day keeps the blues away.

Sometimes I turn left just because the sign tells me not to.

The longest point between A to B is a conversation with children and the elderly.

Those who say the grass isn’t greener on the other side have never been there.

I wonder if it would motivate me to lose weight if instead of “XL” my shirt size said “Your Fat.”

Sometimes I think if I didn’t have a job I would be unemployed.

I don’t think Jerry Maguire would have gotten away with stealing those fish.

If the last shall be first and the first shall be last where does that leave the middle class?

Just once I would like to experience the “slow clap” like in the movie “Rudy,” and “Lucas.”

What’s the difference between pooping at home and pooping at work? At home I am filled with pride; at work I am overcome with shame.

10. “I was granted a weekend pass from the workhouse.”

9. “Be quite you’ll wake my mom and dad”
8. “Could I borrow $20.00 for a lap dance?”
7. “Don’t worry it cleared up a month ago”
6. “My last girlfriend wasn’t very good at cooking meth”
5. “I would have taken you to a nicer place, but after seeing you I clearly couldn’t afford it”
4. “My boss told me if I work really hard, in a year I’ll be promoted to the drive thru window!”
3. “I lied to my Doctor, now I am able to go to the methadone clinc, so I got that going for me”
2. “You remind me of my mother; God she was such a bitch!”
1. “You’re so beautiful; I really can’t wait to choke the shit out of you”

A while ago I wrote a post about my current projects. Since then a few things have been finished and a few of my projects have been altered, because I am a shameful promoter I would like to give an update on my progress. Things have been progressing nicely although there are some tedious things causing me to dread the process. Feedback is always needed.

Dylan Thomas: This is a children’s book series written in poetry form. The goal is to create stories which appeal to ages 2-10. I want the rhyming and lush drawings to not only draw the kids in, but also make the stories enjoyable for the parents as well. I have completed the first story “Dylan Thomas: Finds His Courage.” Currently it is in the illustration phase and will be released the end of September. I hope to have the next installment “Dylan Thomas: Bedtime Songs” I hope to have this available for sale by February 2011 or sooner.

This series is probably the only way I will make any money from my writing, and hopefully this series will help me land a literary agent. The stories will follow the same flow as far as the rhyming poetry, but the illustrations will change. I think this is exciting because it will keep things fresh. The illustrator Jeff Chia has one more page to complete, and my sister Cailee is doing the editing. I hope to have everything but together by September 1st. This will allow me a month to ensure everything looks good on the actual book. I am a quarter done with the next installment.

Yin; A poetry chapbook chronicling my dark side. I have already finished this book, and should be released before November 2010.

This is completed with all poems in my journal. I just need to type and edit. I hope to have this out by November. I will either sell “Yin” and “Yang” separately or combine them into one book. If I were to combine them into one I would set it up where “Yin” is on one side and “Yang” on the other. I am planning on setting them up as pocket books.

Yang; A poetry chapbook chronicling my light side. I have already finished this book, and should be released before November 2010

Politico; Working Title This poetry chapbook focuses on my political and theological perspectives. This book is also finished with an expected release date before November 2010.

This book will contain my political, philosophical, and theological points of view. There is a website called Politico, so I am unsure if the name is copyrighted or not. If it is I will have to get their blessings to use their names. There were plenty political poems in “My Descent into Madness,” and seemed to be well received.

The Mind of a Madman: (working title) this is a novel written in poetry form describing the inner workings of a psychopath in the making, and his journey into madness, starting from the time of conception up until… the rest will be a surprise. This has been a difficult book to work on, the places these poems take me is very dark. If I spend too much time there I may become a product of my words.

I have been all over the place in writing this one. I am jumping around to different phases of the main characters’ life. I am planning on telling this story strictly in poetry form or if I should add some narrative to it. This is taking longer than I expected, because I can only stay a short time in this mans mind.

The Philosophy of Me: The life and mind of no one special: This will be a book based off 365 days of my blogging entries. This will appeal to my fans wanting all my entries in print, and introduce the site to new readers. I will also use this as part of my portfolio.

I received an e-mail from a reader saying she would purchase this even though it is just an edited version of my blog. I suppose if one person would enjoy it than others may as well.

My Journey Through Taoism; This will include every verse from the Tao Te Ching along with my quest into understanding and living the Tao. Many books are written by experts. I hope to relate to readers who are new to Taoism by explaining my journey seeking understanding. At the end of each chapter I will be including a poem based off the verse. I do not want to rush this; so I am unaware of a release date 

This will be written in real time chronicling my quest into understanding Taoism. This book is the reason I stopped adding verses in my blog. I don’t want too many books to cross pollinate. I am enjoying this project because I can spend a few weeks working on each verse which will really bring me closer to the Way. In writing this in the perspective of someone seeking the Way it may help others understand it better and assist them on their journey. 

The Humor In Theology; I was originally going to write a descriptive timeline and the evolution of religion. I realized this book would only appeal to a certain audience. I was becoming overwhelmed with the mighty scope of this project. I decided to stick with the theology aspect but instead write it in a humorous way. I think this will be informative as well as funny.

I changed this from a serious educational book into a comedy. I will look into religions of the past and current beliefs and point out the goofiness of what people believe. There is a religion in Africa which believed their God vomited up the entire universe. This is just one of the silly beliefs people hold onto. It is amazing how people completely abandon logic in the name of faith.

The Philosophy of Quotes: Everyone loves quotes, and it seems each person may walk away with different perspectives on the meaning of these quotes. This book explains my philosophical view on the meaning of quotes. I hope to turn this into multiple volumes; each volume will be broken down by letters of the alphabet. I am excited to take a deeper look at my favorite quotes. 

I thought I would enjoy this one, but I have been running into a little bit of frustrations. My mind will not shift into this mode, which is holding this bad boy up.

Deceived: (working title.) This book examines how the Christian religion has allowed itself to be destroyed by the word of man. I have read the Bible a number of times; once because of faith, once as a theologian, and once as a skeptic. You would be amazed how much the bible has been changed to not only create copyrights, but to change the original meaning of the “Word of God” to fit mans needs. This book will be written entirely on a non-biased theological way looking strictly at the Word.

If I want to properly do this one I will need to focus 100% of my attention on it. I will need to simultaneously read three to four separate versions of the Bible. I started this awhile back and read the first couple chapters of Genesis, and it made my head hurt. I really think this project has potential, but with the amount of time I have to work on my writing it would take a year or two and I am not sure if I want to make that type of commitment on something which may not reap what I sowed.

On a side note I have thought of releasing my poetry books with commentary as far as what I was feeling and the meaning. I tend to write in abstract ways and I have had people tell me they get lost in finding the true meaning. I just wonder if this is sacrilegious with poetry because poetry is meant to be subjective to the reader. I am worried my poems may lose some of its luster if I add commentary. On the flip side some of my dedicated readers may care enough to know the story behind the poem.

What are your thoughts? Do you think I may be wasting my time with some of these books? I am starting my quest today to find an agent and I wonder if they want to see complete projects or is a concept enough to wet their whistle.

Sometimes when you are fighting with a friend, family member, significant other, or a just a bad run in with your boss; you may feel compelled to make a comment under your breath regarding what has just transpired. This comment is most frequently used while walking away from the other party, or perhaps if you have no exit plan you may look down and mumble something. The latter is a much more risky approach, and is almost guaranteed to prolong the fight or possibly lose your job. We do this little tactic because we all want to have the last word in an argument. I think this is either learned or hardwired in us. The last one standing is victor, or the final word rules supreme.

It is hard to be in a fight and feel satisfied with the time you have just committed to this madness; just to let the other person get the final say. This will simply not do, if you allow such shenanigans surly the order of the universe will collapse upon itself. We need to ensure we get the final say in the argument; our weapon is making some sort of statement or comment under our breath. The goal is to say it just loud enough, so you can hear it, but not loud enough for your opponent to hear. If you misjudge your volume you may have just made the situation worse; usually the things we say under our breath we would never say to their face. In the example of your job, I would avoid this all together because you will lose your job if your boss hears you say “yea, well I just donkey punched your mom.” You will lose your job, so do yourself a favor and put pride aside on this one.

There are tactics being used today where someone will make an under the breath comment, but purposely say it loud enough for the other person to hear; then vanish like a ninja. This is a dirty trick and should be illegal during arguments. This is not the worst form of mental jiu-jitsu; sometimes the real demented perpetrators will stick around long enough to hear you say “what did you just say?” This is a rhetorical question because you know what they said you just need to hear it again. The comment to follow is “nothing.” Now you know perfectly well it was not nothing, and they know it to. They will stick with their stance of having said nothing, until you begin to question whether you heard them correctly. It is at this point you have just been mind raped and left out in the cold.

In 1988 Pepsi released it’s version of cherry soda calling it “Wild Cherry Pepsi.” I have tried this version, and I have always wondered why they called it “Wild Cherry.” I finally couldn’t take it anymore; I had to find out. Coke and Pepsi have always vied for the same share of the consumers; from what I have found out 85% of the time Coke would come out with a new flavor first. It is only after Coke showed sales would Pepsi come out with its own variation; however this is not the same case over the last decade. Why “Wild?”

It was introduced to a test audience at the 1982 World’s Fair as Cherry Coke, and entered mainstream production in 1985. It took 3 years of positive sales before Pepsi released its version. Does Pepsi think the consumer will make a decision when purchasing cherry soda; based off the claim their product is “wild?” This type of marketing is used by all competing companies from softer toilet paper to absorbent paper towels’.

I don’t think it would matter what Pepsi called their cherry soda since, their sales are based on brand loyalty. I would imagine some people jumped ship based off Pepsi’s claim of their drink being wild. There must be something wild about “Wild Cherry Pepsi,” because it is illegal in every country except America and Lithuania. This product is sold in the black market in countries across the world.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it Coca-Cola!