Archive for the ‘Fun’ Category

When I was younger I used to go to raves every weekend. I loved going it was a great time, and raves were a massive part of my business. I was a big shot dealer; raves were a great chance to network, find suppliers, gain new customers, and sell my product. My favorite part of a rave was dropping acid, and getting totally ripped. I was not a huge fan of techno music or people for that manner, but once the LSD kicked in it was a great time. When nighttime shifted from darkness to light; the zombies came out to aimlessly roam about.

 The beginning of the night was filled with love and energy; all raves are different in one way or another, but share a few common traits. They have laser lights shooting all over the place and movie screens with trippy pictures. We all had glow sticks, which were being waved around to the beat of the music; creating a room full of trails. Everyone there was happy, loving, and energetic. The conversations seemed deep and eye opening. There were times you would think you just discovered the meaning to life and just solved the mystery of the cosmos.

 This atmosphere only lasted as long as people were on their way up or riding the peak. The night went on into the early morning once everyone started to come down the atmosphere changed drastically. The music became annoying, the bright lights seemed dull. The people who were once fucked out of their mind just wondered around the warehouse. We looked like mindless zombies with distant facial expressions. The only time this was not the case, is at the outdoor raves. This created a better experience because you were not confined indoors.

 Its funny because out of the hundreds of raves I attended it is not the money, or the high I remember. I only remember how I felt once I laid witness to the after effects. These images still bother me for some reason. I think part of me felt guilty because, I was responsible for most of these people to be in their current depressing state. I tried to rationalize in my mind; perhaps they do not see things as I do.

 I know from experience acid has a shitty comedown. The first part is unbelievable, once the trip kicked in you are taken on a wild ride which culminates with a three hour peak. Acid is not like mushrooms, when you come down you start to get body aches, you can’t sleep, and you desire to get back on to ride the wave one more time. The problem I found with most psychedelics is when you crash from your peak you more; unfortunately after you peak more has little to no affect on you.  

 This zombie syndrome became troubling. I couldn’t get it out of my mind, I felt as if these zombies would turn on me. We finally had to start leaving early to avoid the chance of being attacked. The drive home was equally terrifying. We kept taking turns until we discovered who would make the best “sober” cab. I would never go to a rave again, nor would I drop acid. I just hope these zombies did not turn into addicts as a result of my dealing.

I do not think there is anything wrong with the use of psychedelics, in fact I think it has its benefits. Perhaps psychedelics could be used in a therapy setting, religious meditation, or an in-home vacation.

What do you think…..

I purchased a 120 gig iPod a year and a half ago. The iPod I previously had around 20 gigs of music, being the obsessively compulsive person I am I needed to completely fill it up with songs. I also needed to rank each song based off the star ranking system. It took me about a year to load it to capacity, and once a month I would go to Amazons 100 best seller list and purchase every album. I currently have 18k songs; if I remember correctly it will take me around three months straight to listen to every song. This is my most prized possession, and I do not know what I would do if I lost or broke it. I would weep for days.

I was not able to get more albums, since the pod was full. I am still checking Amazon, which has resulted in a three page list of albums I need to get. I just recently deleted all my one and two star songs to free up some space. Afterwards I was left with six gigs, four of which I used that day. This brought back my neurotic behavior of rating every song, but was much worse because it had to be done. I listen to my pod at work; so out of my eight hour day on average I am able to listen to it for five hours. I have been doing this for a year and a half; I have barely made a dent in it.

I have tried various different approaches; randomly picking artist and albums, shuffle by song and albums, alphabetically by artist, and my new one alphabetically by album. I have found through all this that I am having a really hard time rating songs one star, so I am able to delete them. I think in my head “what if one day I really want to listen to this song,” or “what if one day I will be with someone who really wants to listen to this song?” This nagging thought in my head keeps me from getting rid of garbage songs, thus I can not free up space. I think I need a life coach to sit in my office and say “really, you seriously need to keep that?” I figure he could degrade me enough to let go of these songs.

I really just hope one day I am able to get through every song on my iPod. I would feel such a sense of accomplishment. I do worry it will get to the point where there is no more space, and I will be forced to buy another one. I wonder if the show hoarders would do a show on me, perhaps the show obsessed. Either way I do need to shed some of this shit music I have on here.

Does anyone else have this problem?

 I was walking to my office, and I was thinking about my disdain for conformity,  in every aspect of the word. I admit I succumb to minor conformity at work, but I do everything in my power to go against the grain of the institutions polices. I have tatted up my body to the point corporate america will reject me just as I have rejected it. Deep into this thought I wondered; if I refuse to conform, which results in non-conformity; am I in essence conforming to non-conformity?

I was searching for some new music a few months ago, when I came across a band called “Armored Saint.”  I saw they had just released an album called “La Raza.” I figured this was a newer band, since I had never heard of them. Feeling impulsive I downloaded their discography, and never gave it another thought until today.

When it first came on I thought it was “Iron Maiden.” I started waiting to hear “Run to the Hills,” but it just wouldn’t come on. I realized none of these songs sounded familiar. Looked at my Ipod I see it was “Raising Fear” by Armoured Saint, remembering “La Raza” I figured this album was relatively new. I feared this was the retro return of 80’s metal bands, right down to the album art style. I checked it out and saw this album was made in 1987, and felt better.

Enjoying some cold bottled water, I noticed the nutritional facts on the side of the bottle. It has various facts, such as calories, sugars, and vitamines, of course they are all zeros. Figuring everyone knows aside from water being good for us it holds no nutritional values. I did not see the point, in my curiosity I looked closer trying to identify the point. Unable to find it, I was about to go on with my day when I noticed the bottle said two servings per bottle. Does anyone else see the madness here?

I received my first negative criticism on my writing yesterday. My WordPress posts go directly to my Facebook page. I really disappointed this guy, and I felt really bad about it. I don’t think he realized I was the author. In his comment he was upset because I used the “tree of knowledge” in the context of eating this fruit should have given man infinite knowledge. He pointed out it was the “tree of knowledge of good and evil.” He gave his points, but was speaking as if I read the piece, then posted the link on my Facebook.

I knew criticism of my writing would come someday, I was just not looking forward to it. I went into defend mode, and tried to point out I do these posts on my lunch break. I can’t sit at work all day to research a post, I need a thought to pop in my head, log-on, and quickly type the piece. I do not edit the post. I  free write and leave myself to the mercy of my memory. I have to write on my hand what day of the week it is, because I can’t remember. I will look at my hand, and twenty minutes later I think it is a different day.

Can’t please everyone.

Here is a joke I thought of the other day.

What is the difference between a Muslim extremists and a Christian extremists? 

One is in the desert, the other in politics.

I went through countless years where I believed you had to own named expensive brand products. The more expensive the better, I needed these things because I thought it would make me a better person. I wanted to live in an expensive house; I wanted to drive the best cars. I had to have every video game system loaded with games. I needed to wear expensive clothes, cologne, shoes, wallets, watches, necklaces, and I had to have the best electronics. I was so consumed with all these desires to have the best, and when I could not get them it destroyed my entire existence. I was consumed with having a job where I made six figures.

 I felt filling my life with all these possession would fill the hole inside of me. I based my entire self-worth on all these things. If I was unable to obtain these wants I felt so shitty about myself. These wants and perceived needs were destroying my life.

 I would waste so much money trying to fill this hole. I would spend $90.00 on cologne, and not just one I had to have enough so I could smell different seven days a week. I would buy $250.00 outfits. I bought a $250.00 watch I never wore. I owned a $60.00 wallet. I had more shoes than most women. It was completely out of control. It was never enough; this hole could never be filled.

 It took me nineteen years until I was finally able to figure it out. I realized how much money you had, your title at your job, or the possessions you own, do not define who you are. Letting go of my desire, and my attachment to possessions changed my life. I let go of greed, desires, and attachment to worldly possessions. This has been one of the greatest things to happen to me. I instead filled my hole with something else, and I notice it is getting filled. I let go and let be what will be. I try to live with the thinking of “how may I serve”, and flow like a river.

 The most amazing thing happened; the things I always wanted started just coming to me. I was able to complete my life dream of getting a book published, and I am working on others. I founded “The Bucket List Foundation,” I have a website, and I am able to write everyday on this blog. The most important thing is I am starting to have peace and serenity.

 I still like nice things, but the key word there is like not want. I still buy nice things, except this time I get them on clearance.

 My name is Tim, and I am a recovered named brand whore.

 

The Easter Bunny Visited Me Last Night

Do you ever wake up

And your butt feels a little funny?

That’s how you know

You’ve been visited by the Easter Bunny

By: Tim Lundmark

Bad Touch Bunny

The Easter Bunny is not so funny

When the Easter Bunny touches you inappropriately

Bellow your tummy

By: Tim Lundmark

The Bunny, The Crack Pusher

The Easter Bunny brings me candy

This year little crack rocks

They make me feel dandy

When I go back to get some more

He looks at me funny

When I say I have no money

He said if you want more

Sweet little  boy, you’ll make a damn good whore

By: Tim Lundmark

Have we as humans de-evolved? Have we lost intelligence over the years? I think corporations assume we have. This last weekend I noticed a few messages which were placed on certain products. I giggled to myself, because the messages were so ridiculous I wondered why the company felt the need to place them on their product.

The first product I noticed was a case of water. On the package in large letters it stated “Purified water.” Okay nothing wrong with this, it was the message underneath that caused me to giggle; the message stated “For Drinking.” I thought to my self. “What else would people mistake this for?” The water came in twenty ounce bottles, so it was clear; this product was meant for quenching my thirst. I also had a hunch this water was for the purpose of drinking, since I purchased it for said purpose.

I wonder if there are people out there that have bought this product with the intention of bathing, and complained to the company the water was not hot enough. Could there have been people who attempted to water their lawn, who also complained there was not enough liquid to cover their entire lawn. This is the first time I ever noticed such a message. The case of water I have in my office does not have this message so I just don’t get it.

Product two; is a bag of charcoal. We were barbecuing over the weekend and I noticed a message on the bag, which was informative. The message stated “Burning charcoal inside can kill you. It gives off carbon monoxide which has no odor.” I had no idea burning charcoal contained carbon monoxide. I would never burn it inside, nor would I stand over the grill and inhale the smoke. Irregardless the information was helpful, this was not the message which made me think, under this message was another one. “NEVER burn charcoal inside homes, vehicles or tents.”

I think this message is unnecessary. I thought the first part of the message was clear, even if I had the notion to grill inside, I now know it could kill me. The company assumes we may not have gotten the message in the beginning. They had to capitalize never, and advise us to again not to burn inside our homes, but just incase we might try to grill elsewhere they added our cars of tents. Really! Why would anyone grill inside after they read it could kill them? Regardless of this message, what dumbass would grill in their car, or tent? Why would anyone grill in their car when they have a place with more room…called outside? Furthermore; considering charcoal causes fire, and tents are…well flamable. Armed with this logic, what kind of genius would voluntarily grill inside their tent?

Product 3; I was in the restroom and there was a hand towel dispenser. This dispenser had just enough paper towel for someone to grab and pull. There was no handle to crank, or sensor. The situation seems simple; one should grab the towel and pull, but oh no we are far to stupid for that. On the dispenser it shows a picture of hands grabbing the towel, with a message “Grab paper towel with hands and pull.” I appreciate the company who manufactured this for such informative information, you know just incase I had a hard time figuring it out.

Is our society losing intelligence? The english language is already crumbling, not because Americans are not required to learn the language, but because of spell check and texting. Case in point I received a text from a friend last night, he replaced what with wut! Is it really to hard to add one fucking word? I would imagine company’s need to put such messages on products to avoid being sued, like when you buy coffee and the message  on the cup says “Caution: Contents Hot!” Oh yes they felt they needed to add an exclamation point, so they could really get the message. I now know for sure my coffee is hot, without the exclamation point; I may have just disregarded their message as not really that important.

I am certain our society’s intelligence has decreased. We raise our children on Nickelodeon, and send them to underfunded public schools; teaching far too inferior material compared to other nations. We need to realize; the youth of today will someday lead us. It is a shame a once great country has fallen so far.

The destruction of the English language started with rap music in the late eighties. I grew up listening to this rap music. I remember trying to mimic the language, attitude, and lifestyles of the rap culture. Here I was living in the suburbs of Minnesota with my pants hanging off my ass, gang signs on my $2.00 white flip-flops, and a shitty ass attitude. I am certain that I looked like a complete douche, but you live and you learn.

I am thankful I didn’t grow up with the rap music that is on the market today. The ghetto slang going around today is as silly as it is complex, so much so that there are entire websites dedicated to translating this goofy shit. I do know that if any of my children came home and used the phrase “real talk” I would most likely drop kick their asses out the window, then reprogram them to talk like normal human beings.

I bring this up because I was listening to T.I.’s “Swing Ya Rag”. The lyrics are laughable at best, and all I can picture is some white kid in the Mall of America swinging his Gucci rag, pants sagging, goofy flat billed baseball cap cocked to the side, and sporting a Gucci purse. These types of antics are downright psychotic, and frankly I would assume that he would be sent to the loony bin for looking like a complete dumbass.

As a parent, I could not allow my child to go out in public like that. I would never allow either of my sons to carry a purse. They could argue all they wanted to say it’s a handbag or backpack. My response would be a simple “it’s a purse dumbass; unless your role is the catcher, you’re not leaving this house”. The day I utter those words, will be the day I finally have to accept that I am old.

These are things I worry about. Honestly though if either of my son’s started going through that phase, I would drive them to North Minneapolis and drop their silly little ass’s off. I am sure they would un-cock their goofy looking flat billed hat’s, pull up their pants, and hide their fruity little man purse. It is easy for suburban kids to act ghetto when they know they won’t get killed for dressing like a total retard.

Gluttony: Is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

In 590 AD canned goods did not exist, neither did mass production of food. The cities had what they had, and the people needed to survive off of it. The rich comprising 10% of the population were eating as much as they possibly could, and the peasants followed suit, your ration of food would be in danger of depletion. The Empire wanted to make sure they could continue to have their massive feast. They needed to control the food stock; hence gluttony as a sin was born.

It should be pointed out; Christians looked down upon gluttony. They felt the over consumption of food is bad, because it leaves less for the needy. In addition there are passages in the Bible about gluttony. The empire was not following this teaching.

Proverbs 23:20-21 “Be not among winebibbers; among riotous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.”

The peasants were simple-minded people who were denied education, and believed what the Empire said. Through weekly sessions of brainwashing; sorry I meant Mass. The people were led like sheep; conformed into mindless religious slaves who bow down to the Empire. This is still happening today, it goes on in our churches, public schools, jobs, and the entertainment we watch on television. The only difference is today we are into mindless consumer slaves, who bow down to our corporate masters.

The problem I have is during this time period, and on through the Dark Ages the Church convinced the masses that transgressions such as the seven deadly sins would lead you to eternal damnation. They controlled the people with fear. The times may have changed, but unfortunately the methods have not. What is worse many people do not recognize, nor do we analyze exactly how hard we are getting fucked in the ass. We just eat our McDonald’s smile and clock our tickets to hell.