Archive for the ‘Sleep Disorder’ Category

“A drink a day keeps the shrink away.”
Edward Abbey

I am not a big drinker by any means. The very few times I do drink I feel a deep sense of relaxation, and often times I am less shy. I would envision if I had one or two drinks a night, I am sure it would help many of my issues. I would be less stressed, feel good, and have a laugh. The problem with this is you risk the possibility of addiction. I have an addictive personality, and if I were to drink daily it would lead me down a dangerous path. Since I only drink a handful of times a year I get buzzed and relaxed after only two drinks. If I were to continue this pattern, soon I would require three drinks, then four and so it goes. This pattern induces unhealthy self medication, leading to addiction. 

A more appropriate quote would be “a joint a day keeps the shrink away.” I am all for the legalization of marijuana, and I am devastated proposition 19 did not pass.  It is by far safer than alcohol, and would create a stable money source for our government. Life is stressful as it is; people need an escape from reality from time-to-time. Smoking weed can be self medicating, which is not as horrible as alcohol, and the medication drug companies’ produce. This medication eases our maladies, but come with side effects. These side effects can sometimes be worse than the problems they are supposed to cure. In some cases we become physically and mentally addicted to our prescription medication. I look at some of the prescription drugs out there and think to myself marijuana would cure that problem, and is far less destructive to our bodies and mind.

We as a society have become dependent on some sort of unnatural drug to cure this or that. The drug companies would lose billions of dollars a year if people medicated themselves, or if marijuana was used to treat certain issues. This is a huge road block to the cause of legalization. If we all smoked a joint or two a day our society would improve; people would be chill, less tense, and happier. We would have less people in prison; eliminate crime caused by the selling and distribution of weed, and decreasing the money source for illegal operations. The government would make billions of dollars which could then go back into the community. This is a win-win type of situation, the only people who would lose are drug companies, and I believe it was the drug companies that killed proposition 19.

I am not able to see into the future which is why this is an opinion piece. I believe that anything in excess is a bad thing, whether it be alcohol or marijuana.  I have a friend who does nothing but smoke dope from the moment he wakes up to the moment he falls asleep. Although he is a high functioning user I am still able to see the negative outcome his use has had on his life. It is my opinion that the good outweighs the bad in the legalization debate.  I feel the legalization of marijuana would cure some of our society’s maladies.

In the end it is important for people to sit back relax, and enjoy the moment, but don’t forget to pass it along.

Edward Paul Abbey: (January 29, 1927 – March 14, 1989) was an author and essayist noted for his love and protection of our environment. He spoke out against big government and some accused him of being an anarchist. His novel The Monkey Wrench Gang, which has been cited as an inspiration by radical environmental groups, and was a how-to-guide for non-violent ecotage. He was born in Pennsylvania, but felt compelled to head west. In his travels he felt a connection with the land and fought hard to preserve its beauty. I find many of his quotes inspirational.

If you are a regular reader you already know I suffer from a mental illness. This illness is a cancer upon my sanity, a cancer which can never be cured. There is no level of medication nor hours of therapy to fix what is wrong with me. The many doctors and therapist I have seen over the last eighteen years have labled me this or labled me that. Some doctors agreed, others changed my diagnosis; only to be changed once again. I have changed therapist like I change socks. I can’t see male therapists, and I have had a rough time finding a female I could trust.  

I have been seeing the same med doctor for fifteen years. He is a bit of a pill pusher, but I think he legitametly cares about my well being. Through the years we have tried almost every single combination of meds imaginable to try and surpress my problem. We have found certain things that will work good for this but works bad for that. I abused drugs for eight straight years which caused me to develop tolorence to meds. A combanation may work great for a few months then I either need to increase the dose, or change it all together. It has been a frustrating battle.

The most recent med experiment has worked out good in some areas but issues still linger. The problem I am having now is I cannot surpress my mania. The meds keep me from having downs, or psychosis manias. I am happy to say it has been around two months since I have slipped into the darkness. It feels good to have the light shinning in my life. These meds keep me either basedlined or manic. I do not mind the mania as long as it does not get out of control. It seems the only time I experience joy is in a mania; perhaps I am mistaking mania for happiness. I do know over the years I have felt very little sustained happiness; it is an emotion I am not famililar with. There is one aspect I am concerned about; my inability to sleep.

Lack of sleep increases my mania; I need at least eight hours of sleep to keep a leveled baseline. When I first started my sedative combo it worked wonders, but these last few months I have been unable to achieve my goal of sleep. There are certain nights I can sleep with little help from my meds and other nights I need many different seditives to fall asleep. On those nights I take enough seditives to put a horse down. I wonder what this combination and doses would do to a normal person? I would bet it is enough to compleatly wreck twenty people. I need to figure out an alternative; it is only a matter of time before these sedatives lunge me into a depression. I need to find one that will work as good as the eight I am taking now.

It is frustrating knowing there is something eating away at me, and not knowing what it is. How can you treat something if you do not know what it really is? How can I cope with an illness which has no name? I have finally found a therapist I can trust, and she advised I take a test to pin-point what is really wrong with me. She was hesitant to give me her initial diagnosis as to not confuse me. I will find this answer out on Thursday; even though I want to know I am also afraid of finding out what my diagnosis really is. I am embarresed and ashamed of my illness. I have been keeping it secret my entire life. I have had to put masks on for so long I have forgotten who I am. I only started opening up about my struggles when I wrote my book and started this blog. It feels good stripping my soul naked, and exposeing myself to the world.