Aug 4, 2017 

Shawn R. Johnson
A 41-year-old Savage man was sentenced to seven years in prison last month for sexually assaulting the teenage daughter of his roommate.

Shawn R. Johnson was convicted of third-degree criminal sexual conduct and was sentenced July 19 by Judge Christian Wilton in Scott County District Court.

According to a criminal complaint:

In June 2014, the girl and her father were living with Johnson in Savage when he started “hitting on her” and made sexual comments toward her. A sexual relationship eventually began between Johnson and the girl.

A report was filed with Scott County Protection regarding the relationship and the girl, her father and Johnson were all interviewed, but the victim did not tell anyone about the sexual activity.

When the girl’s father moved back in with his wife — the girl’s stepmother — the girl did not want to move as she felt Johnson cared for her. The girl was brought back to the family’s home in Shakopee and told Johnson to stay away from her.

In July 2015, the girl told Johnson she didn’t want to see him anymore and wanted to date guys her own age and told him not to contact her. Johnson would show up at her work and called to say he knew she had a boyfriend.

Johnson was arrested on Dec. 8, 2016 at his place work in Bloomington. During a search as part of the arrest, police found $980 cash and a vial of cocaine on Johnson. Johnson declined to provide a statement, only stating that his relationship with the girl was already looked into and he didn’t do anything.

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My faces of Evil

Cleverly hidden 

My eyes…

Dark…

Void…

Soulless

Stare too long and he takes you away

Grab my hand

I will take it all away

Follow me into the shadows

Fear not of voided thoughts

Shed no tears

We have lived beyond our years

Trust me

To take the pain away

Watch “Edgar Allan Poe-The Raven- Read by James Earl Jones” on YouTube

http://www.higherperspectives.com/brain-test-1997532395.html?utm_source=mobileapps_android

I was surprised by the results… it’s either astrology level bullshit… or I don’t know myself as well as I know myself. 

As I am shamefully about to post this I heard cheering from the school down the street. Yesterday it was really loud because Shakopee won it’s playoff game. I don’t recommend anyone with a history of psychosis to have to endure the uncertainty of wondering if what you are hearing is real or just in my head. 

I can’t remember the last time I have written a post, I know it has been awhile before my last hospitalization. I continue to fail at my daily goal of a post a day, but in my defence I have been receiving ECT treatments. I started them during my hospitalization and continue the treatments on an outpatient basis.

Before I go further I feel it’s important to note that as a side effect to these treatments is the difficulty I have formulating thoughts which makes my writing confusing because now I have to transfer my hazy thoughts onto the computer. I believe it is a certainty that my grammar is going to suck… I just did a … because I wondered what exactly my grammar was going to suck. 

If you don’t know what ECT is I will write a separate post  describing what it is actually like. My focus is on how these treatments have crippled my brains ability to remember things and to formulate thoughts, along with making simple daily living activities complex and scary. 

I have been getting more headaches, but nothing as intense and painful as the headaches following each treatment make me nauseous. I feel like I may be over using the word “but” I probably am but fuck it right. 

All I am saying is just getting this posted is a huge step. There I said it, and it can’t be unsaid. Because I have put it in writing so shame on me. 

Tomorrow morning I will be meeting my ARMS worker at Abbott Emergency room to go through the excruciating and frustrating process of trying to beds. Every time I have been hospitalized because of my PTSD it’s not safe for me to have a roommate. This is a big fear of mine that my wife has always been a strong advocate to ensure things go right. 

I have been in and out of the hospital 8 or 9 times in the past two years. The cycle ends up the same I am placed on a 72 hour hold I get in the hospital and have a breakdown because they lowered my prns then what they normally are. Now being heavily medicated the first two days is the only way to do it. So anyway the days pass I start to just want the fuck out of there so I lie and say all is good and they let me go. After 8 times maybe I am not doing something right, so we are going down the route of commitment to save myself from myself forcing me to fight it out and hope I leave with… hope. 

I am at the point of commitment because I can no longer care for myself, I was so depressed and when I found out my dad got my son a gun my mind immediately went to here is our way out. Long story short my dad looks for all his guns as I was trying to rush away and he ran out and took the gun from the car. I am now driving home with my son sleeping next to me without the comfort that soon I will be gone. I was angry I was upset I felt jaded yet again but driving four hours with my son and my thoughts I realized one of my motivations is I want my son to look up to me, and in my current state he has become more of a caretaker. I want to wake up in the morning and have my first thoughts of the day be one of hope and strength instead of death and despair. I have missed my set dates for departure several times. Perhaps I have some greater purpose buried beneath the rubble. 

I have a wonderful support group my wife, children, family, and those who become a family. It took losing unconditional love to discover what unconditional love is and appreciate those in my life who love unconditionally despite of my insanity I have a crew of people making sure I am all right. That alone is a gift many don’t have. My first attempt to seriously look at the problem get on the meds do the treatments whatever needs to be done so I can exit the womb of the mental hospital reborn into a better tomorrow. One can only hope. If I can I will journal during arts and crafts time to keep my progress posted… how narcissistic did that sound? I plan on writing during most of my free time. 

I figure if I can type a post as the time it takes another human being to make a macaroni necklace than perhaps I can use arts and crafts time to at least be able to free my mind all over the complicated interweb. 

My intended focus is to break down, analyze, and apply my methodology to three single events with the intended outcome of making the correct choice.

1. Do I stay or do I go? I have repeatedly replayed the same haunting moment of seeing my son still and quiet on his bike as he watched me get in the car to go to work. In that moment I could see in his eyes the internal conflict between acceptance and denial that his dad is slipping away. I could see and understand all too well the sadness he was trying so bravely to hide. 

As my mental state continues to deteriate, he now sees a dad who struggles with simple daily living activities. His bravery falls apart.

It is difficult for me to release my sadness and sorrow through the shedding of tears. The only time the outside world can see what I try so hard to hide, is when I cannot hold back my tears. At that moment, just as in this moment writing about it I cannot stop the tears. Many people say that crying is supposed to be this wonderful release of pent up emotions. It’s not like that for me. Tears feel like razor blades running down my face, slicing through self-denial and exposing my weakness and vulnerability. Regardless of how many times I have been told I am selfish and only think of myself, at the end of the day my meaning in life, and my purpose is to not break his heart. I am well aware I will never win the father of the year award. To be honest with you I don’t even know if I’m a good father. Despite what I am told I know I have always tried to be the best dad I could be. 

2.  Time holds no logical meaning anymore. Remembering the day, date, even what year it is. I destroy everything I touch. Answering the question I posed earlier… it is best to leave. As my depression gets worse so does my will to live. 

3.There are only so many pieces someone can be broken into before they are unable to be put back together. I now need to come to terms with the sobering reality that I will become in my own eyes everything I ever swore I wouldn’t. I will become my fathers son. I am desperately seeking, yet fear I will be unable to live with the guilt, or forgive myself.

4. Children are not stone, nor are they steel. They are dirt and clay, molded by the hands of experience. There is no way to reconcile the loss of my son’s happiness and hope due to the harsh reality of my life, which I have viciously infected upon my family. Despite my frequent mental transformations I made the decision to get married and have children; in that single moment I destroyed their lives. I suppose I was caught up in the perceived human need for significance, by my own sense of insecurity. Here is where I cannot deny my selfishness. Broken dolls are meant to walk alone.

In moments like this I want to hide within the minds of Soren Kierkegaard and Albert Camus covering myself in the blanket of Absurdism. Believing all struggles for life is for nothing. There is only birth and death, and everything in between is our feeble attempt to find meaning and purpose. This concept is wonderful, but in the back of my mind I’m burdened with this question. What if birth and death were only two points, that they were inconsequential compared to what happens between them?   

Where Is The Love Greenland?

Posted: August 28, 2017 in Uncategorized
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I wanted to include this in the post I just published. The only problem is the only common denominator are stats. Over the weekend I reviewed my blogs stats over the years and I was surprised to see in four years I have never had a visitor from Greenland. Needless to say my surprise turned to irritation throughout the weekend. 

I believe my irritation is coming from how large the country is. When I look at my visited map everything except for Greenland is lit up. Year after year not one visitor from Greenland. I tried to fool my narcicisom with the delusion that no one in Greenland has access to the internet… well we know this is completely mental, but I needed something to explain this huge gap in my map. 

My solution is this post. I will Trojan horse my words into that country by writing a post about it. How many Greenlanders will I lure into reading this? Will my narcisistic hole finally be filled?

This blog like my mind is all over the place. Since 2014 the only connection between my posts is their randomness. I never considered if this was a good thing or not, and battled with my format several times. In the end I need to stay true to my mind and keep the randomness intact. Looking through my stats my most read posts involve Taoism and my interpretation of the verses, this is nothing new, although the theologian in me finds this rather intriguing. 

It’s been ages since I wrote my last post about the Tao Te Ching, in fact it has been ages since I have actively studied and put into practice the teachings of the Tao. As a result it is no surprise how unmanageable my life has become. 

Whether this is a direct coorilation or simply a coincidence is yet to be known. It’s been over a year since my mind has failed me leaving me broken and scattered. Perhaps returning to the teachings of the Tao things will begin to look a bit brighter as I become more centered. Now whether I actually wipe the dust from these ancient teachings remains to be seen. 

It’s hard to describe how I am feeling at this moment. I know for certain I am relieved that I can finally start writing about this yet I do not feel Justice has been served. As the father of a rape victim will I ever feel justice has been served? 

First off I want it to be noted that Shawn Johnson took a plea deal because he was charged with three counts of 1st degree sexual assault on a Minor. If he had not taken this plea he could have done 30 years, with the evidence against him he would have lost, which makes the plea a little hard to swallow. 

Thanks to our justice system a guilty person who knows they have no chance in hell in winning in court can plea down to a lesser charge thus receiving a lesser sentence leaving the true severity of his crime hidden. 

On the day Shawn pleaded guilty we were told by the DA that he was only going to admit to having oral sex a few times. When we heard this my daughter started crying my wife and I were filled with rage. My daughter wanted him to admit to raping her and admit to manipulating and grooming a 14 year old girl for years. Admit to the abuse, the stalking, the sick twisted shit he actually did, so we said that we wanted the plea deal pulled, unfortunately the DA had the final say and moved forward with the plea. Despite having a strong case my personal relationship with Shawn could have caused problems adding to the mountain of guilt surrounding this surreal situation. 

Shawn will be locked up until at least 2021 and will remain on conditional release until 2031. One day Shawn will walk out of prison a free man, but I wonder can a man who rapes another man’s daughter ever feel free as long as that father is still breathing? 

In the end Shawn is a sociopath and a coward making him a sociopathic twat. I am a twat free sociopath and i will use my words like a shiv, spilling the blood of truth for all to see.

https://coms.doc.state.mn.us/publicviewer/OffenderDetails/Index/254746/Search