Posts Tagged ‘Books’

48 days ago I was going to commit suicide, yet here I am. I have been in deep self-reflection questioning and wondering why I am still alive. Six years ago was the last time I had an identical plan, preparations, suicide note and the intent to end my life, yet here I am. The suicide note I wrote six years ago resulted in a published book of poems, so I again ask myself what if anything will result from this intervention. I question and wonder was it divine intervention, or chaos theory which caused the series of events thwarting my plan to end my pain and leave this world behind.

The dark part of my mental illness comes with battling suicidal ideologies. The want and need to no longer be is always lingering; internally the battle rages on between selfishness and selflessness, feelings of hopelessness and hopefulness. Do I continue living in pain to spare the pain my death would cause to those who love me, or do I finally obtain peace and nothingness? There have only been three times in my life where selfishness had truly won, and I was at peace with my decision. I was more prepared and 100% ready to get the fuck out of here. I was no longer able to function with the pain. I started working on the details of the finality of my life about a month before I planned to carry it out, but before my much anticipated release, chaos erupts and in the blink of an eye everything turns to shit… or does it?

The story on how I ended up making my final decision is long and complicated, some of it I have written about, much of it went unwritten. I feel it would be therapeutic and helpful for me to go back and fill in the gaps between the post I wrote about moving out of the house and starting the divorce process through today. I know taking ownership and facing the reality of the roles I played in all of this will be difficult, but it needs to be done. With that being said the path I was on started with moving out and separating from my wife, and ended with me moving back home, everything in-between felt like a dream I couldn’t wake up from. So how and why did I get from there to here?

Six days prior to my date with nothingness, I discovered tangible proof of some disturbing shit involving my roommate and my daughter. My roommate and my daughter became a key component for my motivation and drive to end it all. I knew if I was no longer alive than she would have no choice but to move out of that house; I knew my blindness and denial was destroying her, but it was the shattering of this denial which caused me to flip out.

I was on the phone with my uncle and after a month of planning and silence I go on a rant about what I just found out about my roommate, I reveal my original plan and introduce the new addition to my plan. My uncle calls my sister; my sister calls the cops, and the cops show up beginning a series of events that led me here. This still doesn’t answer my question as to why I am still alive. With all of this added chaos and bullshit it should have been easier to keep my date with destiny, yet here I am.

Why… the only conclusion I can come to is I have been given a second chance. A second chance at making right all the wrongs in my marriage and with my children. My final safety net keeping me from offing myself has always been the impact it would have on my family, my safety net was gone. I had lost my family, but when my daughter and I moved back home that night I was filled with so many conflicting emotions; none of which involved suicide.

I am still lost in the forest of darkness and despair, the cause and effects of that night has actually caused greater stress and worry, yet here I am. My hopelessness has been replaced with hopefulness. This may be delusional thinking, but I feel I have hit the reset button on life giving me a clean slate at becoming a better husband and father. Is this why I am still here, to be a better husband and father? Is this divine intervention or chaos theory? Will this hopefulness last, or will hopelessness return?

I finished my second “Dylan Thomas” book about eight months ago. I passed it off to my illustrator, and I was expecting a release date no later than two months from that date. I am sad to say that it has not been completed. I was going to send these two books to agents in hopes I can pick one up, and eventually get signed. My wife did a ton of research and she discovered that you need multiple manuscripts to show you are not a one and done. I found this out about six months ago, and I have been unable to write another one. I have tried and tried, but I could just not do it, until about three weeks ago. I am happy to say I have finally started rolling on the next book. I am currently entrenched in this next installment, and hopefully I can finish it within the next month. If I am able to hit this deadline, then I can start the final manuscript needed to start sending this series off to agents.

Until these next two installments are finished I am not going to say too much about them, but I will say the current manuscript I am working on, and the next one lined up will be my greatest triumph if I am able to pull them off. These two manuscripts will be the ones which get me signed by an agent, then shortly after by a publisher. I am usually a glass is empty sort of thinker, but when it comes to my newest ideas for the “Dylan Thomas” series, I can honestly say without a shadow of doubt that I have never been more certain about my success.

I am set to do readings at my sons’ school for all the kindergarten classes at the end of May. I currently have one book which is completely finished, and as I stated before my illustrator was supposed to have the second one illustrated months ago. I haven’t been pushing him much, but I finally told him I needed the second one completely finished by the end of April. We were supposed to meet two weeks ago to go over his progress, but he backed out. We then set up another meet last week, and I told him that there is not enough time to do any kind of revisions so just use what you have. I just really hope he hits the April 30th deadline. If he doesn’t I am thinking of letting him go. I feel confident that these manuscripts can stand on their own without the illustrations. It is my understanding that if the writer is signed, it is not always a guarantee the artist will be signed. I have texted him twice now with no response. Nothing irritates me more than someone not responding to a texts or e-mails.

On a side note I haven’t really been able to write poetry since I finished my last book “Trapped Within My Illness.” I sent this manuscript to a publishing company, and also to one of my readers whose father is in the business. I really do not think it will get published and I am totally fine with this. I have written only a handful of poems since I finished, but nothing like the flood of poems I write when I am in a funk.

I have also thought about revisiting my idea to write the book “The Life and Mind of No One Special.” I still think it would be a good idea to write a book based off my 100 best blog posts. I also have a few other ideas which I need to add to my website. I am not really going to focus on any other projects until I finish these two manuscripts. The overall scope of what I am trying to accomplish takes a shit load of time, which I do not have enough of. I just do not want these things to take four months to complete. I so badly want them in the agent’s hands so I can fully realize my dream.

I added a poll to this site awhile back asking my readers to help me with a tattoo idea I had. I truly appreciate all those who took the time to answer. I am going to add another poll on this site asking my readers to decide if “The Life and Mind of No One Special” is a viable idea, or possibly even a book based on my “Philosophy of Quotes.” If this is helpful I may place my other ideas out there to be judged by you guys. This survey will be up by tomorrow afternoon, so please take the time to vote, so I can get a sense of if this idea has merit.

It has been a little over a year now since I made the decision to pursue my dream of becoming a professional writer, and things seem to be moving along. I feel I am currently sitting on a unique original idea which could very well be the ticket in helping me realize my dream. In the research I have done I have been unable to find one book which utilizes the style I do. This is not to say they are not out there, but the only thing I have found which is similar is the Dr. Seuss books. I believe this concept and series has real marketability to it. When I compare my finished work to some others that are currently on the market it is clear what I have been able to put together is a superior product.

This is all fantastic and it makes me so excited to know I am this close to realizing my dream. It feels like it is right in front of me just waiting to be snatched up, but for some reason I am afraid to reach out and grab it. Why can’t I take that final step to complete everything? I think what it comes down to is my fear of failure. I have failed at everything I have tried to accomplish in my life, and the thought of failing at this is terrifying. I feel like this is my last shot at accomplishing the last dream I have left. If I fail than what do I have left to cling to in hopes of becoming more than I currently am?

I originally thought I would realize my dream through writing poetry. I thought this right up until I realized there is no future in this type of writing. I was a bit disappointed to learn all this since I had just written a poetry book with no future projects in mind. I really wasn’t sure where to go from here since all I really knew how to do was expressing myself through what I called poetry. I have no writing training to speak of, and my grammar skills are at a fourth grade level. I thought for sure I was dead in the water.

I currently have one book “Trapped Within My Illness” which is currently under review by “Graywolf Press.” I feel this poetry collection is better than the three I had previously written, but I am not expecting much to come of this. I have all but stopped looking for publishers to review my work, but if I come across one I will for sure submit my manuscripts to them. I love doing this so I will continue to write poetry and self-publish my work in hopes of once I start doing readings people may be interested in owning something I have written. If not I really won’t be disappointed, because I love the emotional release writing poetry brings to me.

Once I realized there was no career in writing poetry I was kind of at a loss for what to do next. I know when I first started this blog I had dreams of one day having fifty-thousand visitors a week, and that I would be making enough money to live off of with just the advertising alone. I again had to face the realization that this blog will more than likely never receive fifty-thousand visitors a year let alone a week. I was a bit saddened by this at first, because I love doing this blog so much and it would have been great to become a career blogger. Knowing this to be true has caused a bit of a conundrum. I am afraid because I love doing this so much that it is taking my creative time and energy away from other projects. I battle back and forth contemplating if I should slow down and take a step back in order to work on other projects. I think I would have a hard time giving this up though.

Since I started this dream I have come up with many different book ideas. There were some I thought were great then after further consideration I decided to scrap them. Then there were other ideas I still think are great and they would be a blast to work on. These ideas are just sitting there with no work being done towards completing them. The problem with these ideas is they are all more than likely to take me a year or three to complete. Considering my personality I am unsure of my ability to write something so lengthy. I also do not have enough confidence in the ideas themselves to spend three years on something which may or may not ever become a reality.

It was in one of my ideas though that I feel I have found my talent and voice in such a unique way that this idea may be the one which helps me realize my dream of becoming a professional writer; my “Dylan Thomas” series. I have already written two installments in the series, and I have another two hundred or so ideas just waiting to be put to paper. This series is based and written around my youngest son Dylan. In the manuscripts I have finished thus far I have been able to include my other kids in the story as well. This makes working on them so personal and enjoyable. These are picture books which are written entirely in rhyming format. This format and the way I present them are currently to my knowledge not being done. I was really surprised when I wrote the first one just how well the story flowed. When I finished the first and second book it honestly felt like magic. I had never written something I have actually been proud of, until I wrote these two books. I hired an illustrator and thus “Dylan Thomas: Finds His Courage” was self-published. I have received nothing but positive feedback from the book, and everyone who read the next installment “Dylan Thomas: Bedtime Songs” have said that this version is far better than the first. I figured I was all ready to start submitting these books to literary agents.

Nicole looked into what all goes into trying to find a children’s literary agent and what she discovered was that it is best to have multiple stories to submit to them so they can see that your idea is not just a one and done deal. It was decided that the best course of actions was to write a few more manuscripts to include with the query letter we planned on sending to agents. I have known about this for around two months, yet I have not spent a minute working on it. There may have been times I got prepped to start on a title, but I ended up working on something different. I have been just floored for why I have not been more proactive on finishing these projects. My most recent hurdle was creating an outline for each story, and day after day it went un-worked on. Well last week I got a rush of creativity and finished completed outlines for four additional stories. I have yet to take the next step to begin completing them.

I wonder what the hold-up is. I make the time to work on my poetry and blog posts, but I have been avoiding actually working on the one thing which will further the possibility of realizing my dream. I then realized perhaps I am putting this off because once I finish these and start sending them off to agents, and I don’t get picked-up then I may be faced with the stark reality that my stuff may not be good enough. I think if I was faced with such a reality I would be utterly devastated since these children’s books seem to be where my talent is at.

I need to make the time and take a courageous leap of faith and finish these next few manuscripts. I need to get them out to agents to see if there is any reality in my dream. I would rather know now in year two or three that the possibility of my dream coming true is close to zero. I would rather know now then spend another five years chasing something that is a long shot. Right now I have a quality, original and well written children’s books which can be turned into an ongoing series aimed at children ranging in age from 1 to 11. If this doesn’t get picked up I am honestly not sure I am able to top this complete idea.

Verse 24

If you stand on tiptoe, you cannot stand firmly.

If you take long steps, you cannot walk far.

Showing off does not reveal enlightenment.

Boasting will not produce accomplishment.

He who is self-righteous is not respected

He who brags will not endure.

All these ways of acting are loathsome, distasteful.

They are unnecessary excesses.

They are like a pain in the stomach,

a tumor in the body

when walking the path of the Tao,

this is the very stuff that must be

uprooted, thrown out, and left behind.

Lao-tzu

The 24th verse is about living without excess, Lao-tzu advises us to pull and discard our excess weeds. These weeds are ego-driven desires of self-importance. Our desire to feel important and our desires to brag and be boastful of our accomplishments are allowing our ego to drive us instead of the all giving Tao. It is this desire which keeps us away from walking the path of the Tao. The Tao teaches us that inner approval is healthy, but it is these mind frames of thinking you are better than anyone else which is destructive. These desires for self-importance are like a cancer on our souls. Our ego is our greatest enemy on our journey to discover the Way.

The verse starts with an analogy of standing on our tip toes. I believe this represents us trying to be greater than we are. If we try to fill ourselves with self-importance we will not be able to stand firmly. Lao-tzu’s advice is to stop trying to be what we are not, and instead live as we are. We should be humble in our daily affairs, and be content with who we are at all times. Everyday we should show gratitude for everything we have, and everything we are. Showing daily gratitude centers us and keeps us on the path of the Way. Practice focusing on what you have, and not what you want, then show gratitude for everything the Tao has given you. In the part about taking long steps; I think this advises us to live in the moment and not try so hard to get were going. Instead of focusing on our end goal we should be humble and enjoy the process.

The next part of this verse is advising us to not brag or be boastful. Showing off does not show enlightenment. Bragging about our accomplishments only make us look like fools. In the second verse of the Tao Te Ching it says “when the work is done, it is forgotten. That is why it lasts forever,” or in the ninth verse it says “retire when the work is done; this is the way to heaven.” These are all examples of working without bragging or taking credit for your hard work. It is nice to be acknowledged, but this should not be our primary goal. I see my faults in this part of the verse. I have written posts on my frustration with my writing career progress. I want to have five thousand visitors a day, and in my mind this would be an accomplishment worthy of bragging. In my mind I need to be successful immediately, or I am disappointed. I am standing on my tip toes and taking long steps. I need to just sit back and allow my writing career to happen.

I am most interested in the line “He who is self-righteous is not respected.” The definition of self-righteous is “a feeling of smug moral superiority derived from a sense that one’s beliefs, actions, or affiliations are of greater virtue than those of the average person.” This is an interesting line in that the Tao condemns being holier than thou in our religious affairs. Unlike Christianity, Buddhism and Taoism do not send its followers out on missionary trips to spread the word. They do not pretend to be superior to others who believe differently. This is why you have never seen an inquisition in these faiths. The Tao does not judge you based on if you believe in the Way or not. It will still provide you with everything you need. I think this lesson is far different from some other religions out there, which is why I have found a spiritual home in this religion.

Instead of letting our ego drive us with the desire to boast, or only work for the accolades of a good job, we should instead be grateful for everything the Tao has given us. The Tao does not seek acknowledgement for all it does for us. The Tao does not come to us saying “look what I have done for you, now what will you do for me.” This is a lesson the Tao tries to teach us by example. We should not see ourselves as important or special for the gifts the Tao has given us. We should appreciate her, and her unselfish giving. The Tao teaches us to be a giver rather than a taker, we should be providing for others and ask nothing in return. The Tao always exists in a state of unlimited giving, and teaches us to do the same. If we are able to mimic this sense of gratitude and giving we will be closer to walking the path of the Way.

“By returning to radical humility and seeing the greatness within everyone you’ve than cleared your life of excessive self-importance…and this is the way of the Tao.”

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Today is the official release date of my new self-proclaimed masterpieces “Yin” & “Yang.” I was honestly worried these two books would never see the light of day. I wrote the last poem in “My Descent into Madness” in November of 2009. After I wrote “To My Children,” I was all of a sudden hit with severe writer’s block; no matter how hard I tried I could not write a single poetic line. I wondered if this was because I had said everything needing to be said. I was worried my voyage into becoming an established poet was simply not meant to be.

In January; I started this blog just to try and conquer my writers block. I figured if I did some free writing then eventually the creativity which helped me write “My Descent” would come back to me.  I wrote and I wrote about this and that, but still could not write a lick of poetry. It wasn’t until four months later I would finally find my voice again.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was visiting my mom during Easter, when a quick goofy poem hit me like a lightning rod. I didn’t have anything to write with so I just burst out this quick four liner. My family started to laugh at its silliness. I quickly grabbed my poetry journal so I could write it down. As soon as I finished another one shot into my mind, then another one, and another one. Since then the creativity has just ruptured out of me like a broken dam. This has allowed me to finish two children’s books, two poetry books, and make progress on my other projects as well. I am excited about these two books because I have decided to take the indie route. Here are the book descriptions and links to where you can purchase them. You support is much appreciated.

YANG BOOK DESCRIPTION

My life can be depicted by the Taoist symbol of the Yin Yang. The yin yang shows how in life there is a perfect duality; within the bad lays the good. My life is tortured yet blessed, engulfed in chaos yet somehow there is perfect order. For good or bad I would not be the man I am today with out this internal struggle between mania and depression, thus the YIN and YANG.

Yang is the light and love in my life. Without the light within yang my life would be swallowed up in bleak darkness. Yang feels soft and comforting. The expressions will make you long for the one you love. Yang will resonate in your ears as if the words I have written have come from somewhere inside your own heart and made specifically for your personal Yang. The words you will read are tender, erotic, and devoted and they are what represent the Yang in me. For those fans that enjoyed the political poems in “My Descent into Madness” will enjoy the political musings in each edition.

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/yang/13001638

YIN BOOK DESCRIPTION

My life can be depicted by the Taoist symbol of the Yin Yang. The yin yang shows how in life there is a perfect duality; within the bad lays the good. My life is tortured yet blessed, engulfed in chaos yet somehow there is perfect order. For good or bad I would not be the man I am today without this internal struggle between mania and depression, thus the YIN and YANG. For those fans that enjoyed the political poems in “My Descent into Madness” will enjoy the political musings in each edition.

Yin is the darkness and torment of my life. Without the blackness within Yin my life would be consumed by self destructive mania. Yin is cold and aches to your very soul. Emotions feel bleak and horrific; it will take you to a dark place deep inside, and leave you yearning for salvation. The words you read will be twisted, poignant, and cruel but they are what represent the Yin in me. In this poetry chapbook you will encounter my internal struggle to keep my shen from experiencing the reapers cold hands. It is my written feelings which keeps me sane, and keeps me alive.

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/yin/13001645

Now that these are complete I am going to come up with a set list and start touring local coffee houses to help get my name out there. If you are local readers and want to know when and where I will be performing shoot me an e-mail. I will let you know the details. Please use the links on this post to get directed to my Lulu page. I will not have links on my website until tomorrow.

In between projects, when feel uncreative I work on my upcoming book “The Life and Mind of No One Special.” This requires me to go back and edit my old posts and transfer them over into book form. In going back and reading these old posts I am stunned by how shitty they were written. I am almost ashamed I published these posts as they were, and I am even more surprised people have come back again to read it.

I started this blog back in January as a way to help keep my creativity juices flowing. I never really thought anyone would read it, so I just vomited all over the computer keys with my poorly thought posts. I have and still do write my posts during my lunch break; not a ton of thought goes into what I am going to write about. Something will come to my mind and I just go with it. I do not research my topic, nor do I go back and edit what I have written. Like I said earlier I never thought anyone would even see it.

I still follow this guideline; except now through practice I have learned a few things about writing. I still do not feel my writing is good especially when I read some of these talented writers out here. I have no formal writing training; I was not really around for school so basic sentence structure escapes me. My vocabulary is weak and I have no concept of grammar. This becomes apparent to me when I read posts by “The Rambling Taoist.” His ability to write is just mesmerizing. I like to think with another nine months of writing I will continue to get better. I know I have a long way to go, but I think it is a good sign I am able to see fault in my early posts.

I have thought about taking writing classes at my local community college; but this would simply not work. I do not have the time or the money to commit to such a thing. I know starting from square one and building on the basics would help me. I could always go enroll in my son’s elementary school, since public schools are free. I could just skip all my other classes. I don’t know what kind of role model I would be for my classmates and besides the principle would probably report me to the school cop for being truant. I could go purchase a writing or grammar book for dummies. The problem is when I try to read all the words become jumbled and it is hard for me to comprehend the material.

I just can’t figure out how to get better without knowing the basics. I think this is why I enjoy writing poetry because I can write anyway I want. I have had people praise and condemn me because I do not follow traditional poetry guidelines. The only poetry form I know is haikus. Beyond that I have nothing. I don’t think there should be guidelines or structure when it comes to poetry. I think poetry should be an open art form, and can be written exactly how the author intended it to be. I have found when painted in a box I cannot write for shit. This is why I enjoy this blog so much because there is no structure. This is a jumbled mess of random thoughts spewing from my brain. These two mediums define me as a person.

On Saturday September 18th “Dylan Thomas: Finds His Courage” was published. This is a very exciting time, because I have been working on this project for the past seven months and I am very happy it has been released. This is the first installment in a long series of books based off my son Dylan. My other two children will also be included in every book. This series is geared towards 1-10 year olds; the stories will be varied in topic subjects. One book can be about Dylan being potty trained and one about Dylan’s first day at kindergarten. I have already started working on the next book “Dylan Thomas: Bedtime Songs.” I have a three to four week deadline to have it written and edited. I think I can honestly hit this deadline.

This book has a nice niche in the market, because it is written entirely in rhyming poetry. To my knowledge there are not many out there following this format. The first draft was written in story form but did not make it through the focus grood. Many people thought the story was rather boring. I decided to alter the story to write it in its current form. This edition was met with praise from the focus group.   

The next step is to start marketing it. I was able to put a link on WordPress but it would not allow me to add the picture which means readers will not see it. I viewed my site and all I see is a small box with a red X through it. I doubt this will draw people to the link where people can purchase the book. I posted a link on my Facebook status message, but these status messages get lost in the shuffle of Facebook posts. I can not figure out how to create a permanent link on my account. I do have my website where people can purchase the book, but I have very limited resources to advertise this site, so I receive very little traffic.

I need to get my Philosophy of Me business cards made up so I have the option to strike up conversations’ and hand them out to drive sales. I know these business cards will prove to be valuable when I finally start doing readings. I can also place advertisement on message boards. Nicole has found many sites where I can get professional reviews from which would provide great exposure and give me more things I can send to agents after the next installment comes out. I am a bit overwhelmed with all the reading material to get this started. Below are two links to where you can purchase this book. I received a comment from Johanna asking to see a preview of the book, and that preview is offered on the purchasing site.

I hope to get your support, the more sales the easier it will be to interest literary agents. It would also help if you could post the lulu link and either e-mail to family and friends and or post the link on your Facebook and ask people to repost. This worked great for my previous book.

 http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/dylan-thomas-finds-his-courage/12677841

 www.thephilosophyofme.com

I am giving my published book “My Descent into Madness” away for free. My publisher is ripping me off by not giving me credit for books sold. I made a vow to cease all marketing for this book and even canceled interviews, and readings. I then realized my whole point when this book was published was for people to read my words. I don’t really care about the money.

If you are interested in receiving a digital copy of my book, please e-mail me at tlundmark@missionsinc.org or thephilosophyofme@yahoo.com please allow a day or two to e-mail you. I ask one thing in return; when you finish the book, please e-mail me a review of the book so I can post on my website. This copy may have some minor spelling mistakes, because it is the unedited version. Here is a little about the book.

“My Descent into Madness,” It was August 2009, I had just crashed from a manic episode. I was taking Chantix which was causing me to go deeper down the insanity hole. I just kept getting worse and worse. I hit the lowest low, and wanted to die so I could no longer feel the way I did. I wrote a note to my family. I kept reading it over and over, and I felt I was not saying enough. I wanted them to know the depths of my suffering.

I have always been able to write poems; until then I never kept them. I would just write and they would end up getting tossed. I started a journal, and I was determined to convey my pain, so their grieving was not that bad. The final entry was dated February 8th 2010.

I was able to crawl out of the darkness, with the help of my family, and the Tao Te Ching I was able to see some light. My wife found this self publishing site, so I went for it. It did not take long to get published. The accomplishment of having my work get published is hard to put into words. I want to share my words to as many people as I can, so if you are interested in a copy drop me a line. I would like to recommend some sites to my readers.

woodka.com     

ramblingtaoist.blogspot.com       

wordwand.wordpress.com

bipolarbeauti.wordpress.com        

1markt.wordpress.com          

hames1977.wordpress.com     

Please support these fantastic sites.

The events over the last 6 months has opened up many doors for me. I was able to realize my life long dream of becoming a published author. This accomplishment gave me the courage and confidence to attempt some other personal dreams. I was able to create a website, albeit a pretty lame one but a website I can call my own. I started a daily blog, and I founded The Bucket List Foundation. Since all these things have happened the creative flood gates have been opened which has given me the motivation to start other book projects. The following are the current projects I am working on. Due to my ADD I need to work on multiple projects, because I grow board with working on just one at a time.

Dylan Thomas: This is a children’s book series written in poetry form. The goal is to create stories which appeal to ages 2-10. I want the rhyming and lush drawings to not only draw the kids in, but also make the stories enjoyable for the parents as well. I have completed the first story, but I have run into a wall with an illustrator.

The Definitive Theology Timeline: This is a working title. My goal is to track religion from its conception and its evolution into what we know today. I intend to include every possible religion I can. I am not going to go into great depth on each one, just some basics like creation stories, Gods, messiah, end-times and the basic belief system. I am guessing each chapter will be about fifteen to twenty pages. I am around 200 pages deep into this with a long way to go.

Deceived: (working title) This book examines how the Christian religion has allowed itself to be destroyed by the word of man. You would be amazed how much the bible has been changed to not only create copyrights, but to change the originally meaning of the “Word of God” to fit mans needs.

The Mind of a Madman: (working title) This is a novel written in poetry form describing the inner workings of a psychopath, starting from the time of conception up until… the rest will be a surprise.

The Philosophy of Me: The life and mind of no one special: This will be a book based of 365 days of my blogging experience. I am unsure if a blogger has created a book based off a year of their posts, but I thought I would give it a try. If nothing else perhaps I will create more exposure to my cause.

Finally I am working on two other poetry chapbooks, which at this moment in time have no names. The goal is to self publish then shop the manuscripts to publishers and literary agents.

I had an idea back in November for a children’s book series staring Gary Olson. I would tell my youngest son stories about this guy named Gary Olson. I would normally just make it up as I went along, and he loved it. He would often repeat back stories of what Gary Olson did. I told one story about how Gary Olson was not ticklish, and how all the people in the town tried to tickle him. My son would tell people “did you know Gary Olson isn’t ticklish.”

I finished the first draft sometime in January. I was just finishing up my poetry book, and anytime I tried working on it; I was having writers block. I had a list of story ideas five-pageslong. I was unable to produce a complete story. I was riding home from work, when a story idea hit me. I grabbed my recorder and spouted off a story. I typed the story up, and passed it off to my illustrated Tim Bush.

Later that week Bush called me and gently told me the story was horse shit, being the writer I could not believe his criticism. I posted a Facebook message looking for a focus group to get some other opinions. I sent it out to about seven people, and all seven confirmed; the story needed a lot of work.

I was having trouble adjusting the story, everything I thought of would ruin the meaning of the story. I was racking my brain, and I was coming up with nothing. I put it to the side; I thought if I stop trying so hard eventually it would come to me. I thought of telling the story through poetry, I was now interested and motivated to complete.

Two weekends ago I was struck with a creative rush, I hopped on the laptop and I was off. I decided not only would I use poetry form, but I would have it rhyme as well. I finished three pages, but I was constantly interrupted by my kids. I lost the creative juices, so I put it aside.

I was determined to finish the book on Saturday. I started writing right after I had my coffee, and I did not stop until 8pm. I completely altered the story, instead of the character Gary Olson; I used my youngest son’s first and middle name Dylan Thomas. I loved the idea, I felt more motivated using my children as characters. I was able to relate to their individual characteristics. I also love that the main character is also a famous poet. I not only used my youngest, nut I also included my other children.

I finished the second draft, and sent it back out to the focus group. The consensus was positive, everyone seemed to love it. There were suggestions on a few things I should change, there was the ending and the character that was my daughter. I can not change my daughters character, it is an inside joke which the family finds funny. The other suggestions were to change the ending, I am not going to go into detail on this, but I purposely ended the story without confronting the bully.

I just need to format it and pass off to Bush. I hope he can complete the illustrations so I can work on getting this published. I am going to self publish the book, and just market the hell out of it. If I can show the book is selling I will shop the book around to literary agents. If I am able to sign with an agent, It will make it a lot easier getting myself published by bigger named publishers. I am very excited!