Posts Tagged ‘existentialism’

It is cold and lonely in here. Locked away, as easy as being thrown away. If there is a God why would he play such a sadistic trick on me… I am the puppet he abuses when he becomes filled with anger and Wrath.

My existence, the reality of my existence so short and insignificant. In the grand scheme of things my life is but a short dull blip when compared to the cosmos.

My life holds no meaning when compared to this. Turning inward I ponder if this is what my short insignificant meaningless existence is. Honestly is this all it fucking is? Will there be anything else… anything more to this shit show?

Here is the face of evil and part of an ongoing blog series recounting the horrible story.


”I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”
Albert Camus

I have heard this reasoning by many different people when I have embarked in a theological discussion. This reasoning is given to justify one’s faith in a higher power along with the existence of some sort of punishment in an afterlife for non-believing. The individual’s train of thought is fueled by their fear of suffering for an eternity. To this believer they half heartedly believe in this faith because of the fear of thinking otherwise will result in a negative outcome. I can guarantee you if you were to go back into time and take out the fear of hell in the Christian/Catholic faith you would find many more atheists or those believing in other religions. The seed of fear is planted in them and thus, grows a tree with roots based in trepidation. This fear and this type of comment fuels their desire to believe. This type of believer will follow suit but deep in their hearts they lack any real faith. I have a reader named Johanna and I can guarantee you she would not utter this phrase. She knows her religion as well as she knows herself and believes with a strong heart and mind. I respect those of you who are able to muster such strong faith. When we look at the universe and are short existence on it, we are driven to find meaning in our utter insignificance. We need to feel special in a way. If we look at the universe and our relation to it, you will find out you are basically nothing compared to the grand scheme of things. This concept draws people to find meaning in an illogical being.

Albert Camus did not make this quote because this is his justification for his faith, although he did battle the ultimate contradiction of searching for faith on one hand and in a way speaking out against it. He was asking this in a philosophical and theological context. Camus founded a school of philosophical thinking called absurdism. In philosophy, the absurd refers to the conflict between the human mind to seek inherent meaning in life and the human inability to find any. In this sense absurd does not mean logically impossible, but rather humanly impossible. I would challenge this because the belief of a higher being can be proven illogically impossible as I did in two posts I wrote in June The Senseless Silliness of Gods Omnipotence, and  Adam and Eve: Proof of Gods Follies. I debated with elementary logic that the existence of God in the Bible can indeed be proven false.

In absurdist philosophy, the absurd arises out of the fundamental disharmony between the individual’s search for meaning and the apparent meaninglessness of the universe. When considering the universe there is no meaning yet it is in perfect order. The universe and the mind do not each separately cause the absurd, but rather, the absurd arises by the contradictory nature of the two existing simultaneously. Absurdism, therefore, is a philosophical school of thought stating that the efforts of humanity to find inherent meaning will ultimately fail (and hence are absurd), because no such meaning exists, at least in relation to the individual. As a philosophy, absurdism also explores the fundamental nature of the Absurd and how individuals, once becoming conscious of the Absurd, should react to it.

Absurdism is very closely related to existentialism and nihilism and has its origins in the 19th century philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard (one of my favorites), who chose to confront the crisis humans faced with the absurd by developing existential philosophy. I am a fan of existentialism in a philosophical context. Existentialism asks the individual to find meaning in his or her own life instead of reaching out to some sort of higher power. I can follow this train of thought, yet I find my thought to be that of existential nihilism, which briefly states life has no real meaning. The funny thing is this is contradictory to my journey into the Tao. I am searching for meaning in a concept that is asking me to believe in a higher power than myself, therefore I have attempted to find meaning within something other than myself, when I also believe there is no God, and no real meaning to our lives, so I do come off contradictory.

Deep inside of me there still lies the seeds of fear planted in me long ago. This fear from time to time will say “what if your wrong?” This nags at me, and is proof how powerful fear can be. I am an athiets at heart, but is also searching for meaning beyond myself. There are days I may be feeling the spirit and have faith that there is divine order and everything just makes sense, then there are the days where I realize the vastness of the universe and the divine chaos within it and feel insignificant compared to the grand order of things. Where there is no meaning and everything is simply happenstance and random. There are some days where this fear is far greater than the fear of eternal damnation because there is nothing awaiting us.