Posts Tagged ‘Happy New Year’

In a few more hours 2010 will be coming to an end. I cannot decide whether this is a good or bad thing. I always fear the beginning of a new year because I hate the mystery and uncertainty. I am happy I went another year without hearing the words “terminal cancer,” for this I am extremely grateful. I would say for sure this was an up and down year. On the positive side I can say I am now into my second year of my fifteen year plan, but unfortunately this is also a negative. I started with so many good ideas, which I wished could have been put in print, unfortunately I have scraped many of my book ideas, because I feel they were a waste of time. My pursuit of my dream has caused many issues at home which I am not going to get into on this post. It is amazing to me how the pursuit of my dream has yielded such negativity. Living by my ego driven desires has caused many issues. I cannot seem to shed this destructive force. I hope this New Year brings me a step closer to realizing my dream, and I hope this brings positive things instead of negative.

I had a goal to get my poetry out to the public, and had a goal to do two readings by the end of this month, but I keep pushing it back. At first I said I need a few copies of my books, and then I would put myself out there, then it was I will do a reading once I get my business cards. I received my business cards and then said I will do one after I come up with a set list. Sadly to date I have not worked on my set list, in the fear of putting myself out there. I am scared to stand in front of a crowed and read my poetry in fear I will be rejected. Since my poetry is so personal I fear if I my poetry is rejected then that in turn means I am being rejected as a person. I really hope I am able to overcome this fear in 2011 because I want my voice to be heard.

January will mark the beginning of the second year of this blog. I am proud of myself for keeping it going this long. I am amazed I still have new things to write about on a daily basis. I am not so happy with my limited readers though. I was expecting larger growth then what I currently have. Rambling has told me if I am writing for stats or to the readers then I am not really a writer. His words of advice along with the feedback from my wife and some of my dedicated readers meant a lot to me this year. I am pleased in that category, if anything I can say I made a few new friends. I have enjoyed pouring my heart and soul into this thing. It has been a great outlet which I feel has kept me sane. There were many times I was at the point of really losing it and on the path to a certain trip into the loony bin, but my writing has saved me time and time again. For this I am grateful.    

I really think 2011 will be my make or break year. If I do not see some significant progress in my quest for my dream I may need to shorten up my plan to a two or three year goal. I hope this is the year I find an agent and get my kids books off the ground. I hope this year I will develop a local readership to get my poetry heard. I hope this year I can prove I am a good husband and father. I hope this year my spirituality will grow, and I will be closer to understanding and live in harmony with the Tao. I hope this year brings joy and beauty to my readers. I hope this year will bring The Bucket List Foundation closer to becoming a non-profit so we can help those who are in need. I hope this year I learn to live in the moment instead of fearing the future. Finally I hope this year I do not hear the words “terminal cancer.”