Posts Tagged ‘Personal Thoughts’

I try my best to put out quality posts every day, just as I try to write riveting emotional poems, or rhyming fascinating children’s books. I try to do this but there are times I simply come up short of greatness. With my poems when I write a stinker I can normally keep it to myself, unless I was dumb enough and published it in one of my books. When I received my first print copies of “Yin” and “Yang,” I went back to read my poems and thought to myself “seriously this is dog shit!” I am not too worried about my poetry so much because it is a dead art and will never do anything for me anyway. I look at my poetry as a hobby not anything which is substantial. I do not seem to have any issues writing the “Dylan Thomas” books because it all seems to come to me naturally. When I sit down to write one it just seems to come to me in perfect order. The first “Dylan Thomas” book I wrote took me eight hours, while the second one took me twenty minutes and my editor said it was far better than the first one. Now my blog is different, my blog is a personal invitation inside of my world and direct access to my mind. I write just to write which has caused me to publish some pretty horrible pieces, which I wish I could take back. This blog is one of my gateways for people to purchase my books; if I come up short on a post then this new reader may not consider buying one of my books.

When I sit down to write a post I try my best to calm my thoughts, and grab the first thing that comes to mind and just start writing about it. It is very rare I will be calculated with what I write except for my Tao Te Ching series. I put a lot of thought and reflection into these pieces before I write them. Beyond this series I am just all over the board. While I am writing these posts it flows from my brain onto the computer screen. While I am writing it I think I am writing the most interesting post of all time. I have often times gone back to read a post and wonder what the hell I was thinking about. This is a concern for me because this blog represents the first impression of how I will be perceived by my readers. If a new reader stumbles upon one of my posts and the first one they reads is horseshit like the one I did last week about the Shield. If this is their first impression of me then they will not come back for more, or ever consider purchasing any of my books. I feel a great sense of pressure to ensure what I am writing is quality stuff. Now take this post for example I am just rambling with no real purpose and I may publish this garbage. How many people are going to be interested in reading about how I write some shitty things sometimes? This is neither riveting nor interesting.

I am sometimes delusional and think what I am writing is a masterpiece. One example of such delusional thinking when it comes to what I feel is a great post is in two posts I wrote last week. I thought when I wrote You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. and Absurdism, Religion, and Nothing. To me I thought I just wrote something which was brilliant. When I was driving home with my wife I was telling her how great I thought the “never lose by loving” post was. She kind of grounded me a bit by pointing out where I failed to get my point across. She did this in an honest and loving way which I appreciate. I know I wrote two bad posts last week; the Shield post and the one about the Tao of poetry. I went back and re-read them and was very embarrassed over what I wrote.

My greatest enjoyment in my quest to become a writer is writing on this blog. These brief posts are snapshots into my mind and soul. I know anyone can sit and write a blog, and this requires no special talent, but there is this odd sense of accomplishment each time I hit publish.  I know this blog will do very little to further my writing career. I know I am not good enough to become a career blogger, so I often times wonder why I waste the time doing it. I know this site will not really help me sell books, and I know anybody who reads this blog will think twice about ordering a children’s book written by me. Regardless of all this my posts on this site are by far my greatest accomplishments. There is a certain high I get knowing somebody has not only read my work but enjoyed it. I just worry the garbage posts will turn them away.

I do not want to really “work” to write these posts I just want them to write themselves to help ease the hemraging on my brain. The day I need to struggle to find something in my mind is the day I know it is time to end this. I will continue to write posts which are shitty, but I also know at least once a week I will write something good. It is these good posts that keep the fire burning. So now it is time to hit submit.

Through my eyes I see who’s there

A breathtaking woman with a loving stare

Through my nose I smell who’s there

Your sweet smell filling the air

Through my ears I hear who’s there

The most beautiful voice, this I declare

Through my touch I feel who’s there

Your sensual touch lifting me from despair

Through my tastes I know your there

Your tender lips embracing in a love affair

These are my senses; how I know you care

Sharing them with only you this I declare

Our erotic embrace nothing can compare

From the upcoming book “Yang”

By: Tim Lundmark

I feel it is time to add some random thoughts. I apologize for the lack of posts this week, I have been out of commission due to a root canal that I had. It got infected and I went through three days where I was in some extreme pain. Words can not even describe how bad it hurt, nothing was taking the pain away. Today is better I still can’t relieve the pain completely.

I decided I am giving up on the book I wrote. My dealings with this company PublishAmerica has been a nightmare. I told those bastards I am no longer going to promote this book, and basically told them to fuck themselves. I am upset about the whole situation, that book means a lot to me. I will not be able to get the rights to my book until 2016. I feel better when I am proactive on my other two projects. I really nailed this children’s book on my second draft. I completely re-did it. I am going to send it out for review. I am also making progress on my theology book.

I have written about the not enough time issue, I have yet to find an answer to this. It frustrates me to no end. It is really putting a damper on my fifteen year writing plan, and it leaves me little time to work on the foundation. I really think I need to set up specific times in the day which is reserved for writing. If this was possible then possibly I would get some relief and get the feeling I am accomplishing something everyday. The only issue with that is when I get the creative urge I can do nothing about it. Lat weekend I was filled with a creative mind, it was wasted due to distractions. These distractions do not make me mad, my responsibility to my family comes first, but it is frustrating none the less.

I am in the midst of a serious OCD stage. I currently have 16,409 songs on my IPOD. I have it set up on album shuffle, I feel I need to rate every song, then create music lists with the corresponding  rating. I am also trying to create the top 1,000 songs, and from there create a list of the top ten bands of all time. I have been working on this for almost two months and I am only on 2,404 songs. I am going to be forty before I get through all this. The shitty part is there are about 32 albums I want to get, and if I plug-in my IPOD to add them, shuffle resets its self. I either need to stay on this determined path, or add the new albums and just start over.

I really get annoyed with stupid people. We have block schedules here, so the schedules never change. We just hired this new TMA, his schedule is the first Saturday of the pay period he works 2-10:30, the following week he works Friday, Saturday, and Sunday from 6-2:30. He came to my office, and I tried my best to explain this to him. He just could not grasp the concept. He is going out-of-town Sunday April 18th through the 21st. I tried to explain to him, that he is working that Saturday, then not working again till Friday. I felt like I was talking to a two-year old. It was very frustrating. I wish I had the ability to fire people, because I would have fired his ass on the spot. If you can not grasp the simple concept of a block schedule, then you should not be passing medication to the residents.

I am going to write a goal sheet for this weekend, and I am going to try my hardest to compleat it, and still be able to accomplish my responsibilities. I really feel if I am unable to compleat the tasks, I should put my writing goals on hold until my responsibilities lesson.

I also think this blog cuts into my creative time, I feel if I focused on my other things then perhaps I could get more stuff done. Over a thousand people have visited my blog, which is way more than my expectations. I am torn between keeping this thing going or just shutting it done. I enjoy writing it makes me feel good to express my feelings. I  feel grateful there are people who read this, and if the few  regulars enjoy reading my words, then it is worth the time. I would like some feedback.