Posts Tagged ‘Raising Children’

As a father, I have always wanted my boys to be just as I was as a child. I want them to prosper on my good qualities, and be absent of my bad. I had so many fun experiences as a child, and I want the same for my kids. I was the type of child who loved sports; I would play football and baseball outside for hours with the neighbor kids. There really was nothing as exhilarating; like a pick-up game of no pads tackle football. I would never do this now mind you; I am far too old and way out of shape. If we were not playing sports I was playing G.I. Joes with my best friend Andrew, we could play G.I. Joes outside for hours upon hours, but for some reason our “wars” always ended up in a fight. If we were not doing these things, we were just outside exploring the neighborhood, and playing miscellaneous games. The funny thing is, as much as I want them to have a childhood like I did; I do not let my kids do half the things I did as a child, in fear for their safety. There is no way I would let them play tackle football without any pads, and I would never allow them to wander and explore the neighborhood like I did as a child.

When I became a father to Austin, he was 3 years old. I wanted him to love football and action figures just as I did, but he really wasn’t into it very much. He also was not big on playing outside with his friends. He is more of a home body, but I am very proud of him, for his intense dedication to football and working out. I must note I am perfectly fine with him being a home body. I think about what I was doing at fifteen, and I can tell you I was out doing very bad things. I felt sad, because I thought he was missing out on all the fun I had as a child. I was confused, because I figured all kids would act and live the way I did when I was a young. My youngest son Dylan, on the other hand is a spitting image of me as a child. This fills me with such joy and such fear.

Once Dylan puts on his football pads and jersey, he will have me set the timer for sixty minutes, and he proceeds to play a complete imaginary football game. He throws the ball around, and catches it; if he is tackled he violently throws himself to the ground. During his imaginary game he does his own play- by-play. He loves it when you sit and watch him, while he plays out this pretend game. When football season is over he turns his attention over to baseball. This kid is amazing, because at the age of six he watches entire baseball or football games. He sits and watches how players pitch or hit, and tries to emulate their movements, just as I did as a child. He is great at reading offenses and defenses during football games. He is also good at calling balls or strikes during baseball games. When I pitch to him he is able to identify the movement on my pitches. He sits and plays entire games of Madden with such joy. I am so proud of him for his intense interest in sports.

He also just recently got into action figures. This Christmas he received a ton of G.I. Joes, and loves to sit and play with them. I am taken down memory lane every time I sit down and play with him. I remember all the characters from my youth, but I am a bit disappointed with how they changed their design. I also don’t understand why they don’t offer more characters. It seems to me they just keep making the same ones with different looks. When I watch him do his thing I see myself playing twenty-three years ago. Like I said earlier this fills me with joy, but I have not yet touched on my fears.  

I was a really naughty kid, and a handful as a teenager. Dylan already shows signs of anxiety and ADHD behavior. My daughter Brianna is also showing signs of anxiety. If they are not properly stimulated they get out of control. I look at Austin, and I am filled with hope; except for his lack of interest in school he is the perfect kid. I am a bit fearful of how Brianna or Dylan will be when they hit their teenage years. I worry if they are not properly stimulated; they will end up going down the path I took when I was younger. I suppose it is karma; if they are a handful. I am sure I deserve it considering what I put my mother through. I just worry about my kids overall quality of life, and the repercussions of my actions and my DNA will be the downfall of my kids. I do not think this is fair. Why should they suffer for my bad karma?

In many marriages where one of the spouses has a mental illness much of the burden is transferred to the “normal” partner. My marriage is no different. My wife has taken care of me for eleven years, and without her guidance I wonder where my life would have turned out. I am grateful to have such a wonderful wife and mother to my children. She has stuck with me through my ups and downs. I think she deals with more shit than most wives out there and 95% of the time she does it with love, compassion, and sometimes understanding. I just found out she got a promotion today, and feel I should tell the world how proud I am of her.

I am in amazement how she has grown and prospered at her current job. Her time there is by far the longest stint at a job; she is celebrating five years of employment. Since the start of our relationship she has grown leaps and bounds in employment responsibility. I have had troubles holding down a job in the past, I am currently entering my third year at this job and if I can make it another year then I would have beat my record; so five years is such a great accomplishment. Her progress and worth to her company is invaluable. I admire her endless knowledge and dedication to her employer. Now that she has been promoted she will be in her first managerial position, which is so great.

Her skills as a mother are unmatched. The way she stays on top and in tuned with our children is simply unbelievable. I have no clue how she can balance everything and manage to be like a hawk with the kids. She has instilled such good morals in our oldest son Austin; he is truly turning into such a wonderful man. I have never known a kid, or adult for that manner who is so Zen. He reminds me of a Taoist Sage without even knowing anything about Taoism. I sometimes wonder if Rambling is really my wife and son combined. He would not be the man he is becoming without the aide and guidance of my wife. We have our work cut out for us on our two younger children. If she is able to mold them into what our oldest son is I would say she should win mother of the decade!

My wife is the most selfless person I have ever known. She always puts the needs of the family first. In a weeks time she may take five hours for herself no matter how hard I try to get her to just slow down and relax. She has always been the hand lifting me from my darkness; even if I refuse to see her hand. I just want her to know how much I appreciate her, and how lucky I am to have her in my life. You and our children are the single most wonderful things to happen in my life.

I love you.