Posts Tagged ‘Rejected for being me’

I was talking with my mom last night asking for her advice, and to hear her comforting voice to talk me down from the mania I was in. I was having issues on how to manage and structure a certain on-going theme for this blog (will touch on this in separate post.) This complete lack in structure and organization was crushing my brain. We started talking about “Dylan Thomas” my children’s book series. She brought up a great point which has always been in the back of my mind, but I always try to bury it away. She said that I may have a hard time finding an agent because of the poetry books I have written, as well as the content on this blog. When she said this it brought my personal fears to the forefront of my consciousness. This buried realization along with my mania transformed into complete panic.

I am well aware the only way I am going to realize my writing dreams is through my “Dylan Thomas” series. Children books are far more popular than poetry books, and I don’t mean to toot my own horn but the two books I have already written in this series are bad ass. We have to read to our youngest for fifteen minutes every night, and I am always amazed on how some of these books were even published. My writing style for this series is poetry mixed with a Dr. Seuss feel. I felt I was 100% certain I will get an agent, but at the same time an agent may be afraid to sign me because of my adult poetry books and the content on this blog. I know when I first started writing this blog; much of the material was centered on my mental illness, but lately I have not focused so much on my personal struggles, unless I absolutely need to get it off my chest.

Like I wrote in “Piss Off Corporate America” I wonder if I have nuked the bridges between me and the possibility of being signed by a literary agent. If I send my query letter to them will they Google my name and judge me based off who I am, or will they judge me by the content of my manuscript? I am just sick with anxiety over this, because I can do nothing about it. I self-published two of my three poetry books so I very well could pull them off the market, but there is nothing I can do about my other one. It is already on Amazon, and has been the vocal point of various different discussion boards. There is also nothing I can do about what I have written on this blog. I can shutdown my account but I think everything I have already written will be here forever. Although this blog has a modest following I cannot imagine not writing in it. Oh shit I just realized I could probably change the author name on here! Do you guys think that is a good idea?

In the end my question is this. Do you think I will be rejected by children’s books agents because of my persona of being as my mom put it “a complete fucking lunatic?” Should I change the author name on this blog? Should I pull my two self-published poetry books for sale off the internet, or should I just use a pen name for those as well? Doing all this will require hours of work, so do you think it is worth it? Please feedback and answers to my questions are greatly needed so I can cure my panic.

Thanks

You can purchase my books at www.thephilosophyofme.com

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